Betrayal and Turkey
by hoppinghamster
Summary: Post Endgame... It's Christmas time on Earth as well as the five year reunion of Voyager's return. A J/C fiction.
1. Chapter 1

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter One.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

Chakotay stepped down from the busy Transport onto the docking port in San Francisco. It was a brisk December evening a week before Christmas and Earth was in full swing of celebrating the holiday season. Chakotay had never cared much for the holiday nor was it his purpose for returning to Earth just before the 25th as was everyone else who had travelled the long and difficult transport for the Devron System with him. His purpose rested solely with the request of an old friend who he hadn't seen since his resignation of Starfleet and his leaving of Earth for his home planet some five years ago. When B'Elanna Torres was determined Chakotay found he was unable to resist and so here he was 37 hours after leaving his home planet of Trebus, back on Earth for the first time in those five years. Looking face to face with the younger woman charging towards him to grip him in a large bear hug. "You didn't have to come and get me B'Elanna" he almost growled as he managed to finally pull her clinging form from him.

"Five years old man" she beat his arm with her fist as she insisted "I wanted to"

Chakotay stared at her for a long second feeling slightly stunned to even be her. "Hard to believe it's been that long" he admitted running his hand through his pepper coloured hair which he had now let grow into a more unruly longer fashion.

the half Klingon woman put her hands on her hips with her belly clearly protruding from her as she nodded "five years since we were all together in the delta quadrant" the unspoken words said much to Chakotay, _five years since they were together, all of them, even their commanding officer, five years since they had parted on less then joyous terms, five years since he had half ran away to Trebus out of principle, or perhaps just plain spite to Voyagers' radiant captain._

Shaking those thoughts from his head he asked "how's Mirral?" though the water filled blue eyes of his former commanding officer still lingered in his mind as he remembered the fateful day he packed his bags and left, left not just her but Earth, left all of them behind.

"Stubborn" B'Elanna offered in answer to his question about her daughter who had only been a few weeks old when he left. B'Elanna knew deep down Chakotay cared about her daughter but she also knew what else had filled his thoughts, she knew that slightly pained look in his eyes. She had seen it before, countless times while they were on Voyager.

"like her mother" he smiled wistfully was he added "thanks for the holo images you send"

"that's ok" came her reply as she watched him extremely closely.

"and congratulations" Chakotay found himself whispering slowly as he placed a gentle hand on his old friends protruding abdomen, the sadness that he had never yet been a father clearly shown in the lines of his face.

"Thanks" B'Elanna replied staring at him closely, it was clear what he was thinking but she wasn't going to say it, not now after all this time. Five years was a long time. She had little knowledge of what his life was like now and even for Kathryn B'Elanna knew things had changed so much.

Chakotay saw the look in B'Elanna's dark eyes, the look many had given him when he had chosen to end his early and budding relationship with the captain of Voyager shortly after they had returned to Earth from their seven year exile in the Delta Quadrant "what's that look for Lanna?" he asked firmly knowing exactly what it was for.

"I can't believe your actually here in the person" she sighed embracing the broad shouldered man once more "five years is a long time Chakotay" she smiled as she looked up at him as his tired and strained facial features seamed to soften a little.  
Chakotay turned in the busy building full of people darting about trying to make it home for the holidays, old style Christmas carols rung in their ears as the busy reception hall of the transport terminal was decorated with tinsel and missile toe decorations. Strategically placed for those who were reuniting after long journey's to _'kiss under the missile toe'_ as was the old tradition. "I didn't think I would ever see earth again" he admitted glumly, all of his pain seemed to stem from this planet and it's almighty Starfleet. He had left it behind, and good riddance, but somehow the plea from B'Elanna for his onetime visit on this anniversary and forced him to consider those who had formed his family while in the Delta Quadrant, even _her_.

"Are you happy with that?" B'Elanna asked slowly knowing the answer.

"Mostly" he admitted looking back at the radiant young woman that part of him would always love as a sister. The sad and distant look on his face said it all to B'Elanna. His dream of living is life happily on his home planet of Trebus was not all he had dreamed it to be, and yet something was keeping him from returning to Earth.

"Good, just as long as your happy" B'Elanna shrugged, fully aware there was little else she could say. She pulled her coat tighter around herself, pulled her blue knitted hat back of her head, bent down and picked up his one and only bag and made towards the door of the terminal with him stoically trailing behind as they entered the bitter cold of the frosty street outside.

B'Elanna silently led her dear friend to her transport vehicle as she threw his bag in the back and climbed in the front seat where he came to sit beside her. It was some time after they had been winding their way through the city roads heading far out of the city when Chakotay finally broke the icy silence and asked "will everyone be there tomorrow?"

"Yes" B'Elanna nodded. She seemed to say nothing else for some time but Chakotay didn't speak either for he knew what _everyone _ really meant as much as B'Elanna did. He meant _her _the one member of Voyager's crew he had absolutely no contact with for the past five years, the one member of Voyager's crew that anybody could actually accuse him of avoiding and he wouldn't deny it. "I'm so glad you made it this year" B'Elanna told him breaking into his thought of the pâté red headed woman. "it's been a hard five years for all of us, there is something special about having everyone together for the five year anniversary"

"perhaps" he found himself sighing, somehow the idea of facing _her _again did not bring the word special to mind for Chakotay.

"Tom sends his love" by way of breaking the silence as they once again had travelled a fair distance with no words passing between them.

"His love?" Chakotay flashed his dimples at her in full force for the first time since he had seen her. He was still the same old Chakotay, maybe a little older, a little more toned, a little more rugged but he was still Chakotay, the angry warrior and brave defender of the weak.

"He says hi" she laughed back at him, for they both knew _love_ was far too strong a word to describe Tom's feelings for the Native American. "He's got to work late, but we might see him in the early hours" B'Elanna told her friend to quickly fill in the awkward silence that was now beginning to seep back between them.

"Are you and he still ok?" Chakotay asked as he looked out at the now farming land far from the city, he had forgotten how suddenly diverse Earth could be, Trebus was forest all around.

"he made me fat and touchy again" she laughed gesturing to her heavily pregnant form "it must be good"

"you're not fat" Chakotay insisted to her "your radiant" To which the half Klingon merely snorted and shook her head in retort. After a small comfortable silence Chakotay asked what he knew he would have to face sooner or later, though where one person in particular was concerned he hoped it didn't have to be at all, though he knew it was a tall order to think _she_ wouldn't have to be part of his visit to Earth after all this time. "How is every one? Mike, Sam and Naomi? Harry and the others?" he found himself asking in a hurry to not have to wonder what _she_ was doing with her Starfleet Admiral's life.

"Well Mike is in Starfleet Security at headquarters. Sam works as an aid to…" but stopped herself abruptly before continuing "an admiral" Chakotay gulped hard, he didn't have to ask which admiral, nor was he planning to, nor did B'Elanna say any more on that matter as she continued "and Naomi is getting top marks at school and is well on her way to the academy" Chakotay smiled at this news, he had missed young Naomi as much as he had missed seeing Mirral Paris grow "Harry is married to a nurse on the Enterprise called Liz, he's serving as Picard's first officer" B'Elanna said proudly, at this Chakotay had to smile "Tuvok retired to Vulcan but is working with the science academy there. The Delany sisters are still stirring up a storm" Chakotay let out a loud snort at this news and shook his head, B'Elanna needed not to say anymore on the infamous twin's Chakotay understood. "the doc is head of Starfleet medical now" the Half Klingon informed him as though listing off a shopping list, both knew sooner or later the list would run low and the last item would need to be addressed.

"I bet that grew his ego" Chakotay laughed referring to the holographic doctor, anything the keep his mind of the one person who was a constant in his thoughts for over a decade.

"you have no idea!" laughed B'Elanna knowing soon she would have to bring up her dear friend and old commanding officer "seven and Susan Nicolette work together on Jupiter station in integrating Borg technology into Starfleet systems" she finished slowly, that was it, that was all of the senior staff, all but one, she glanced at him and knew he was thinking the same judging by the pained look that had now flood his features.

"What?" she asked slowly dreading the answer.

"Very thorough" he muttered not looking at her as she drove the vehicle as he glanced out the window pulling on his ear lobe.

"sorry I'll stop" B'Elanna sighed, she didn't know what else to say "that's almost every one anyway"

"almost" he growled and shot her a _'don't you dare mention her'_ look "go on B'Elanna say it"

"there's nothing to say" B'Elanna snapped back keeping her eyes fixed dead ahead.

Taking a breath Chakotay spat out slyly "how is life for her at the top"

"Don't Chakotay" B'Elanna raised her voice at him. Chakotay wasn't sure but he was sure he had sensed some kind of pain or upset in her voice.

"Oh no B'Elanna who am I to question the great admiral" he replied sarcastically raising his hands in mock surrender and rolling his eyes as he lowered his hands.

"your still angry" B'Elanna sighed softly next to him but didn't give any more indication as to what exactly he should be angry about or whether or not she agreed with him and his anger.  
Chakotay let out a long breath and let his whole body slump as he said softly "no not really"

"a lot has happened in the last five years Chakotay" B'Elanna told him hoping against hope that she wouldn't have to tell him, how could she?

His bitterness flared again and reared its ugly head as he spat "what did she get an even bigger office to sit all high and mighty on her principles?"

B'Elanna growled in return without having to answer his question "I hope you're not going to be like this with her tomorrow?"

"this is exactly why I never came back before" he pointed out, he didn't really want to angry with the most beautiful woman he had ever known but they had not parted as the best of friends and he didn't know what to do other than pick up where they left off. If he was honest with himself it was to avoid her he had never bothered to be in much contact with the Voyager crew those past five years.

"don't Chakotay" B'Elanna looked pained as she almost begged "please, she doesn't need it"

"aww are things difficult for her at the top?" the Native American retorted harshly before he really realised what he was saying.  
"please Chakotay" B'Elanna asked, he could kick himself when he saw real sadness there, this futile feud between him and their old commanding officer had nothing to do with his dear friend B'Elanna "she's still my friend just like you are, don't stick me in the middle"  
"all right B'Elanna" he nodded "sorry"  
Just then B'Elanna swung the vehicle round the corner to stop abruptly in a large hidden courtyard and on old manor house as she hissed "were here"


	2. Chapter 2

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Two.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

"Your blood pressure is a little high" Voyagers own EMH scowled at the older woman as he raised his head from his medical tricorder which he had just used to scan her.

"is it any wonder?" she snapped back in a frustrated retort as he blue eyes glared at him over the rim of her steaming coffee mug she was gulping Luke warm bitter liquid from.

"not when you drink this much coffee" her doctor snapped at her in return gesturing to the offending mug she was now slowly lowering from her lips.

"Or when my doctor gets some idea to use me as an experiment" she hissed back in reply. The EMH knew not to be too offended, it had been a difficult month for her and she needed somebody to take it out on, her therapist/doctor/physio/friend became the target. He also knew his latest idea would take some getting used to for her.

The Doctor did open his mouth to offer a retort back but was interrupted by the doors of 'the den' bursting open and Sam Wildman calling her name "Kathryn..." before breaking off and slowing down upon seeing the doctor sat there "oh sorry" she sighed unsure what to do now.

"no need to be" Kathryn smiled weakly before shooting the doctor her famous death glare and announcing "were done" to which he knew when he was beat and so chose to pack up his medical equipment with dignity.

"Toms here" Sam announced the redheaded woman sat before her.

Kathryn Janeway's left eye brow shot upwards as she asked "Tom?"

"He wants a word" Sam nodded at her friend and boss.

Kathryn was exhausted and tired and as much as she loved Tom Paris she really didn't feel she could face him this evening and was about to say this when the doctor cut across her sharply "make it quick"

"doctor? Are you regulating my guests now, as well as everything else in my life" she hissed furious at the situation she had found herself in just over four years ago.

The Doctor seemed unfazed by her anger as he informed her curt "I am before tomorrow night"

"thank you doctor" she found herself growling as she rubbed her forehead, this man was supposed to cure her forehead not bring them on.

As the doctor stalked out of her private sanctity known as 'the den' a kind of ready room on Earth Tom Paris entered and asked "problems?" as he watched the doctors receding form stalk off down the stairs.

"That man is worse than my first officer ever was about my coffee consumption" Kathryn hissed as she raised the empty mug with her right hand and smiled awkwardly at Tom who stood before her watching her closely.

"you can say his name you know" Tom told her, he had come here unsure how he was going to break the news to her when she often refused to even talk about him yet her she was surprisingly out of the blue giving him a way in.

Kathryn studied the dead pan features of the younger man as their eyes met and she found only sincerity there. With a heavy breath she lowered her head and whispered in a deep husky voice "Chakotay" at the sound of his name long forgotten distant memories of happier times began to play around in her head. Somehow it gave her an inner strength she had long forgotten.

"Talking of Chakotay" Tom said awkwardly hoping he wouldn't have to be the one to tell her of her ex-fiancé's imminent, unannounced and as far as Kathryn was concerned uninvited arrival.

"what?" her head snapped up, her eyes wide and ablaze, she hadn't really been talking about Chakotay but she knew Tom, she knew he had come here to tell her something, something about Chakotay. Fear gripped her, after all that had passed between them, after the fact she hadn't seen or heard from him in five years she still feared for him.

"You haven't heard?" Tom shifted awkwardly unsure whether he really wanted to be the one to tell her. This was all B'Elanna's doing why didn't she tell her?

"No" she said with horror lacing her deep voice as she gazed "Tom?" before demanding "is he ok?"

"yes" he hurriedly reassured her "nothing like that" suddenly realising she still held supressed and long hidden concern and feelings for the man who had walked out on her five years ago "but your still not going to like it"

"what?" she snapped infuriated that he hadn't told her what was going on already.

"B'Elanna mentioned the reunion to him" he hurried out quickly.

Kathryn actually felt her heart thud in her chest as she realised the implications of his words. With a heavy sigh she finned in the gaps "by mentioned you mean invited"

"it's five years Kathryn" he told her by way of explanation "she wanted everyone together"

The older woman was silent as she let the implications of this news wash over her, "and did she get her wish?" she somehow managed to get out the question she suddenly realised she was desperate to have answered.

Tom knew he had to be honest and how unfair it would be to not give this woman the truth she so desperately needed to know. "she's collecting him from the transport station now" he told her seriously and softly, almost sadly for he knew how troubled this news would make her, especially all she had been through these past five years, how somehow he knew the sheer pain it would bring her to have to let Chakotay see.

"I see" was all she said as she shifted her body slightly in her chair the way she had taken to doing these days.

"You don't mind?" he asked slightly surprised at her reaction.

"why should I?" she raised her head, set her jaw with pride and almost demanded  
"well everything that past between you" Tom felt almost stupid, he still didn't really know the truth of what had split up their engagement and had sent Chakotay packing to Trebus all those years ago.

"Chakotay made his choice" she told him softly "he had always talked of returning to Trebus to help rebuild the colony"

"you let him go" Tom watched her seeing the anger and hurt flash across her eyes before she quickly recovered.

"You know why" she said sadly as tear wheeled in her eyes "he wasn't able to leave that dream, even for me" then she admitted softly "and I wasn't able to leave Starfleet…."

"Even for him" Tom finished for her.

It was clear he was right by the sad sob she let out before she recovered quickly and told him "we were both hurt by it"

"well he's here" Tom sighed, unsure what else to say.

"I'm glad" she smiled softly at the younger man.

Tom was visibly surprised as he blurted out "you are?"

With a nod she said in a deep voice "I'm glad his Voyager family still means something to him"


	3. Chapter 3

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Three.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

"I can carry my own case B'Elanna!" Chakotay insisted as he snatched this one rather light bag from the hands of the pregnant woman who had just taken it to begin walking up the large steps towards the beautiful old manor house before them.

"Okay old man" she laughed as he snatched the bag from her and gestured for to lead the way.  
Chakotay stepped inside and looked around the large ornate entrance which was surprisingly modern inside "you have a beautiful house" he smiled at B'Elanna proud she had done so well for herself.

"All the land and farm goes with it" she turned and nodded far out across the courtyard, it was a ranch, a beautiful farming ranch. The far side of a mountain loomed in the distance with an orchard and planted gardens to the left.

"Almost as beautiful as Trebus" his dimples beamed at her.  
B'Elanna gave him awkward glance before turning off towards the large stairs and muttering "come on"

"commander!" a very angry looking EMH almost barged into him as he came charging down the stairs angrily.

"Doctor?" Chakotay asked slightly taken aback that the doctor would just be barging around B'Elanna's house like that.

The doctor looked equally as surprised to see the Native American. "We weren't expecting you" the doctor blurted out hurriedly.

"He's here for the five year celebration tomorrow" B'Elanna pointed out by way of explanation.

"of course" the EMH seemed to recover his surprise quickly as he nodded at him smugly saying "good to see you again commander" then ever so quickly he raised his med kit in his hand saying "excuse me duty calls"

as the holographic doctor sped off annoyed B'Elanna called out after him "doc we weren't expecting you today is everything ok?"

Chakotay watched both his for crew members closely. B'Elanna looked full of concern, the doctor just looked annoyed "oh yes, just fine, she knows best of course" the doctor snapped back as B'Elanna let out a breath and the doctor told them "just make sure you keep her blood pressure down" then with a pointed glare right at Chakotay he hissed "no arguing"

Chakotay looked confused and taken aback but the doctor was already gone and B'Elanna was trying to steer him into the house as he demanded "what did he mean no arguing?"

"Chakotay a lot has happened these last years" B'Elanna turned to him taking a deep breath, how could she tell him? How could she tell what he walked away from in search of his happiness those years ago? With a heavy sigh she hung her head and muttered "let's just get you in and settled"  
as the half Klingon began marching up the stairs he knew there was something she wasn't telling him, something bad. "Wow B'Elanna it's a beautiful home" he said turning from her knowing now wasn't the time to bring it up.

"Yes it is" B'Elanna agreed, even she couldn't argue on that "come on let's get your luggage to your room" she said quickly guiding him further up the stairs.

Chakotay looked around, nothing reminded him of the Tom Paris he knew, the 20th century lover nor did it remind him of B'Elanna and her Klingon heritage "I like the art" he whispered looking at all the pencil sketches that were hung up along the wall of the stairs. They were clearly hand drawn by a skilled artist "I had no idea you were able to do such work"

"I'm not" was all B'Elanna stated. Chakotay looked at her confused and then back at the art hung on the wall and was surprised to see him staring back at him from the delicate pencil lines of the picture.

"Then?..." he asked slowly but his voice trailed off as his eyes fell on the delicate hand of a signature. K.E.J. Chakotay didn't have to ask any more. He even let his mouth curl into a smile as he looked at the pencil drawing his ex-fiancé had made of him. Distant memories he had long tried to squash down of his redhead captain insisting he stand still so she could draw him filled his mind. Though it made him wonder how after all this time B'Elanna had ended up with many of her drawings on her hallway wall. Suddenly the familiar sound of a turbo lift door brought him back and he jumped to see B'Elanna stood in the doorway of a modern turbo lift hidden in the wall "a turbo lift" he gasped in surprise.

"Surely you've seen one before" B'Elanna almost laughed at him playing on his stunned expression.

"Yea just not in an old house like this" he snapped suddenly feeling very stupid but also very happy to be back with B'Elanna, if truth be told he was really quite lonely on Trebus. Stepping into the turbo lift he joined B'Elanna who ordered the 9th floor. Chakotay didn't know how many floors this place had but he reckoned it would have some more after that.

As the doors opened a tall gangly man shoved his way past them and into the turbo lift "sorry excuse me" he muttered as he caught Chakotay off guard and so nearly knocking him over. As B'Elanna and Chakotay stepped out of the lift the man called "the den" just as the doors shut on him.  
Chakotay who was now staring at the closed turbo lift doors demanded "who was that?"

"George" B'Elanna replied as though this was supposed to mean something to him "I suppose you could call him care taker, handy man, gardener" she offered in explanation shrugging "you name it he does it"

Chakotay didn't think much of George if this was how he talked to his boss when passing but decided it wasn't his place and so asked "you have staff working for you?" that in itself surprised him. Five years may have been a long time but not time enough for them to get a house such as this with a ranch, land and servants.

"B'Elanna held his gaze for a long second, there it was again the awkward silence, the one where he knew there was something she wasn't saying awkward for both of them, and they both felt it. "Come on here is your room" B'Elanna broke the spell swinging wide the door to the large living area with the bedroom off it.

Whatever Chakotay had been expecting it was not this, what was before him took his breath away. "Wow" he let out a low whistle "that view"

"one of the best rooms in the house" B'Elanna beamed at her more rugged looking friend. He looked free but something made her question if he was really happy, like really deep down happy.

"Thank you Lanna" he smiled his dimpled smile as he looked down out the window at the orchard and flower garden below. Somebody here cared for the land very much.

"Let's have a drink and a catch up hear old friend" B'Elanna gave his shoulder a squeeze and calmly made for the exit of his room. Leaving him silently staring out of the window at the vast land beyond.

(+)(+)(+)

"Kathryn Janeway sat at her desk in her den watching her old friend Tom Paris shift awkwardly on his feet before her. The way he did it told her she should be wary of the news he came baring but something told her the worst was yet to come and Chakotay was going to be part of that. she waited patiently in silence for a while longer to see what he would do but when he didn't leave he just got more restless then she knew she had to ask. "Why do I get the feeling there is something else you want to ask me tom?" she said slowly in her deep husky voice.

Toms blue eyes net her. He couldn't read her. Ten minutes ago he would have been sure she would never allow what he was about to ask. Now he couldn't be sure of anything. Her usual dead pan yet somehow reassuring expression met him and it gave him to courage to blurt out "the lunch for the senior staff tomorrow..." there he'd said it, there was no going back now, that was it.

"I see" she said softly, her eyes burning into him, daring him to say it, daring him to voice the suggestion lacing his words.

"He was the first officer" tom met the challenge slowly.

"Yes he was" she nodded. Still tom had not said it, still he had not vocalized his request for her to allow Chakotay into her private sanctuary, her den to join her for a semi private lunch.

"Then?" he gulped. Tom somehow couldn't say it.

Her eyebrow shot up as she stared at him. Tom braced himself for the onslaught that was to come for his unspoken question when her lips curled into a crooked smile and she snapped at him "for god sake tom he's travelled star systems to get here on the civilian transport I assume"

"yes" tom nodded. Though Chakotay still held the Starfleet rank of commander and the rebuild efforts in the Devron system were 'backed by the federation' everyone knew it was a civilian mission.  
"then am I to turn him away from a lunch for the senior staff?" she asked softly, somehow her brain still hadn't filtered through what it really meant for Chakotay to be there on Earth but either way he was there and Kathryn knew he deserved to be there as Voyagers first officer, should he want to. Their past and her embarrassment aside.

"Thank you Kathryn" Tom smiled husky goofy grin "it will mean a lot to B'Elanna." he told her "she misses him so much" without another word he was gone leaving Kathryn alone with her memories.  
It was some thirty minutes later that Kathryn whispered "don't we all tom?" into the empty room.

(+)(+)(+)

later that evening Chakotay and B'Elanna had shared a drink and for Chakotay a chance to unwind after the long transport from Trebus. He watched the heavily pregnant B'Elanna laugh and cry with memories of Voyager and his heart pained to remember the deep laugh of his red headed captain from those years. Even though they had been careful not to mention the woman who plagued his dreams she was still there tempting his mind like the sirens of old myth. "well thank you Chakotay" B'Elanna finally said as she stood "I'm so happy to hear life on Trebus is going so well for you!" turning she asked "see you in the morning?"

"Yes" he smiled trying to hide the lonely emptiness he felt.

just as she reached the door to leave B'Elanna finally turned and told him slowly "errm Chakotay tomorrow lunch time the senior staff are meeting for lunch"

"the senior staff?" he stood tall knowing what was coming.

"As in tom and I, the doc, harry, Seven and..." she stopped at met her old friend's dark eyes daring him to say it.

"Admiral Janeway" he finished stiffly like poison was coming from the name.

"She has a name you know!" B'Elanna snapped annoyed that he still wouldn't call her Kathryn.

Chakotay was angry and had suppressed his anger for the tiny redheaded woman for too long that what scared him the most was that when he finally had to face her he wouldn't be able to hold it in. calling her by name made her just a little too real and with that his pain just a little too real. "Not one I will ever use again so freely" was all he could muster to blurt out before the anger for the woman in question lashed out any more.

B'Elanna gave her disapproving scowl before telling her "well yes Kathryn will be there"

"and you want me to be there?" he asked with deep breaths trying to stay calm.

"can't you just let it go for one day?" the begging in B'Elanna's eyes took him aback as she asked "do the rest of us have to suffer because she turned down your proposal" Chakotay gulped hard, that wasn't exactly how it happened nor was that the true story but maybe it was best he let it lie. "we miss you" B'Elanna told him "I miss you"

"ok" he nodded firmly "for you I'll be there and I'll play nice"

"thank you" B'Elanna sighed with relief and left him to dread the coming day.

(+)(+)(+)

the next morning Chakotay dressed and found his way down the stairs to what he hoped was the kitchen. Morning sun was shining in as well as the smell of roses and fresh brewed coffee... fresh brewed coffee in the morning. That took him back once again to her... if he was truly honest this whole house did in a strange way. Shrugging off the idea he moved towards the open door of the kitchen when smoke assaulted his nose and the sound of a woman coughing filled the room.

"B'Elanna!" he called quickening the pace towards the kitchen "what the hell are you cooking it's burning!" he shouted entering the smoke filled room as he ran to the charred food in the replicator "Lanna your replicator..." he growled pulling the plug and flinging open the back door allowing the smoke to escape into the gardens beyond.

"Shit!" came a half groan half husky outburst from the woman sat at the kitchen table.

"Spirit's admiral" Chakotay stopped dead in his tracks and stared "I thought..." but his voice tailed off at the sight of her after all this time. She had coffee mug in one hand, book resting open on the table before her. Her magnificently bright blue eyes trained on him. Unwavering as she stared at him as she wrapped her night gown tight around herself.


	4. Chapter 4

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Four.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

"I'm sorry admiral" Chakotay found himself blundering, not quite sure what to do next as his eyes stayed locked with her.

he found himself tugging awkwardly on his ear lobe as she broke into a confident smile and whispered "don't be" as she raised her left palm as though to silence him. "I would offer you a drink but my replicator is down" he voice was calm, her eyes where steady but as he stared at her

Chakotay noticed her face was fuller yet not so full of expression as she once would have been. She looked tired and a lot older and more set than he remembered. His heart involuntary beat faster as he realised the past five years hadn't been kind to the woman he found he still had feelings for though somehow he couldn't place the problem.

"hum" he grumbled wanting so very much to be angry at her but suddenly unable to get the words out

"yea" he hissed in a deep voice "on fire"

"I always was a poor cook" she joked but her joked fell flat somewhere between them as he stared at her without a word "anyway now we have crossed paths I may as well welcome you to Earth" she tried to offer as she shifted slightly uncomfortable in her chair.

Once the silence lingered to almost an unbearable situation he nodded curtly and muttered "well excuse me" before turning to go.

"Chakotay..." Kathryn called softly but her voice trailed off when he turned with venom in his eyes.

"B'Elanna never warned me you were staying" he spat at her as though this was her fault.

"Staying?" she questioned with her brow drawn together. She didn't understand what he was saying but the more he stared at her the more he realised. Slowly she sank back in her chair saying softly "oh..." just then she saw B'Elanna come charging up the path and into the kitchen behind Chakotay. "Well I am sure she would have mentioned it" Kathryn said smugly turning pointedly to B'Elanna and adding "isn't that right B'Elanna?"

"Oh crap" B'Elanna hissed, her heart sank as she stood looking at Chakotay who was giving Kathryn such a hated look where she sat calmly looking back at him.

"She burnt your replicator" he said to the stunned half Klingon sarcastically. "I came to her rescue" B'Elanna look worried as she glanced at the older woman who was the picture of calm.

"Thanks for that" Kathryn smiled softly at the rugged looking native American "I was grateful"

"you were?" he scoffed feeling unsure if she was being serious or not "I find that hard to believe"

"Chakotay!" B'Elanna snapped horrified he would say such a thing.

"I'm sorry B'Elanna but I didn't expect to find a half dressed admiral floundering around in your kitchen" she snapped in a less than kind way giving Kathryn a disgusted look.

"Hardly floundering!" she retorted back softly "and I had no idea you were staying here" she pointed out giving B'Elanna a look to show she wasn't impressed about that.

"Excuse me admiral" he spat suddenly realising what a fool he had been "B'Elanna" and then with that he marched out of the house and down the garden path towards the planted gardens.

The two women watched him go in silence. Once he was far gone from their eye line Kathryn turned to B'Elanna and waited for her to turn to her. Slowly the half Klingon turned to face her waiting friend and sighed "I'm so sorry Kathryn" as she came to join her at her own home.

"you wanted him here for the reunion, fine I can understand that" Kathryn met her eyes with loving sincerity "but I won't be accused of floundering around in my own home"

"I'm sorry" B'Elanna told her truthfully "we had no room at ours with Liz and Harry with us"  
Kathryn arched an eyebrow and closed the book in front of her and smiled saying "so you told him this was your home?"

"I didn't exactly tell him that" B'Elanna blurted out in her defence but when Kathryn held her eyes softly she admitted "I just didn't correct him when he assumed that"

"and you didn't think it necessary to ask my permission to have him stay here?" Kathryn almost hissed in her famous husky voice "let alone warn me?" she added as she managed to make her point calmly.

"Sorry" B'Elanna muttered looking away. This whole mess was not how she had dreamed the home coming would be and she knew deep down Kathryn for all her calmness felt the same.

Kathryn smiled softly as she reached out with one hand and whispered "inviting him to the reunion or not is nothing to do with me, he deserves to be invited" to this B'Elanna shot her a surprised look as Kathryn smiled more and admitted "even to the senior staff lunch" then she said more seriously "but don't ever invite somebody to stay in my home without asking me first" then with a heavy sigh she added "and without even telling them whose home it is" they both knew this might have caused more of a problem than they would first think. Both knew that Chakotay would never by choice stay in Kathryn Janeway's home.

"I'm sorry" B'Elanna told her and Kathryn nodded and let go of her dear friend's hand leaning back in her chair.

"it's ok" Kathryn said wistfully as she glanced out the window towards the gardens the way Chakotay had headed "I just hope he doesn't give you fall out over this"

"so he can stay?" B'Elanna gasped. They both knew the nearest hotel was so far out and not a workable option.

"my door is always open to any of my former crew, should they want to come" Kathryn said softly without meeting B'Elanna's gaze "you know that" then she smiled honestly and whispered in a sad kind of voice "and yes that includes former fiancé"

"thank you Kathryn" B'Elanna watched her closely seeing emotions they had all thought were long forgotten wash across her old friends face unnerved the half Klingon slightly.

"You have to tell him B'Elanna" Kathryn said turning her tear stained face towards her old friend "and before he comes to the den for lunch"

"what?" B'Elanna gasped and was taken aback "tell him what happened?" she sure hoped that wasn't what she was asking her to do "I can't Kathryn, I wanted to last night but I didn't know where to start" B'Elanna whispered looking down at her friend's body.

"I was referring to telling him this is my house" Kathryn told her as she looked up and their eyes locked

"if he want to know anything else" then she paused and stressed "and that's if" taking a breath she said honestly "then he's welcome to ask me"

B'Elanna had been walking through the walled gardens looking for him for at least twenty minutes. She had wanted to stay with Kathryn but she had insisted she go, and anyway Sam would be arriving shortly to help her with her morning routine.

it was just then her eyes fell on the native American sat on a wooden bench staring at a whole row of vine ripe talaxian tomatoes growing around a carved statue of a small monkey "there you are" B'Elanna hissed joining him staring at the tomatoes. She didn't understand what had him in such a trance.  
"Your garden is beautiful" was all he gulped out as tears fell waiting to see how she would respond to that.

Taking a deep breath she began "Chakotay..."

"Its ok B'Elanna I realised" he cut her off still staring at the monkey "this is her house?"

"yes" B'Elanna sighed offering him the truth "tom and I live just a little down the hill"

"she looked frightened half to death when I walked in" he almost snorted with laughter at the thought of it "you didn't tell her you invited me to stay?"

"Not exactly" B'Elanna admitted fearing that she may have made everything ten times worse now when she only wanted to do the right thing.

"Not exactly?" he questioned, B'Elanna should have known he wouldn't let her get off that lightly.

With a sigh ahead admitted "Tom told her last night that I invited you and that I was getting you last night"

"I bet she loved that!" he spat sarcastically.

"She's being more mature than you are" B'Elanna snapped at him. she was so angry with his attitude

"she just told me she thinks you deserve to be invited to the reunion" he stared at B'Elanna saying that as she told him softly "and she's happy for you to stay here as long as you are" at the uncomfortable expression on his face she added gruffly "she won't be in your way" then it was almost sad as she said "she rarely leaves the den"

"seeing her made me remember why I fell in love with her" he admitted softly which surprised B'Elanna. He didn't even want to get into the fact his heart had felt a pang when he saw how she pale and almost ill she looked.

The two friends held the silence for a long time before B'Elanna asked gently "what happened between you two old man?"

"she had her dreams I had mine" he admitted "we couldn't do both"

"so you left her?" B'Elanna had never dared ask Kathryn, none of them had. And certainly not since the accident.

"she asked me to leave" Chakotay told her in his defence, adamant he was following her wishes "she gave her ring back" to him you couldn't get more final than that. They were already disagreeing; there was already too much pain between them.

"And so you left?" B'Elanna asked when Chakotay turned back to the monkey "the one thing I could never understand Chakotay was why you let her go, why did you leave just after she lost the baby? Did you ever think she might actually need you?"

"The only person she ever needed was herself" he spat his anger at his lost unborn child being mentioned flared "her admirals mask to hide behind"

"well she sure as hell is learning how to need people now." B'Elanna growled angry at his response, surely he had seen before when he looked at her? And yet he was so cold.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Chakotay demanded confused where his friend's anger was coming from.

"nothing" she shook her head annoyed with the situation and unsure how to tell him "why don't you come back to ours and see tom and Mirral" she breathed a calming few words "harry and Liz are staying at ours but I think they are in China to meet his grandmother this morning"

Chakotay nodded and followed away down to path towards her house before asking "if this is admiral Janeway's house why do you have access to come and go as you please?"

"Open door policy to any of the Voyager crew" B'Elanna called over her shoulder. Him still refusing to use her name greeting on him "Kathryn says only the den is really hers, the rest of the ranch she gives to anyone of her Voyager family who has a need"

"like a bed for a few nights?" he questioned meeting her gaze.

"Like that" the half Klingon sighed "or a patch of land to grow their own food" then she decided she might as well tell him "tom and I live on her land. As does seven"

"that must be nice" he whispered looking out over Kathryn's vast land.


	5. Chapter 5

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Five.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

Chakotay stepped off the turbo lift to enter the den alone early that afternoon. If he was honest he wasn't really sure he wanted to be going but had promised B'Elanna he would go to the senior staff lunch because it meant so much to her. As he entered all of the senior staff were sat at a large table set for the most delicious looking traditional turkey meal for Christmas that was only a week away. As the door shut behind him all eyes of Voyagers senior staff team fell on him. Seven jumped out of her seat in obvious shock to see him. Tuvok raised an eyebrow and glanced at the elegantly dressed woman sat beside him who was the figure of beauty as her sparking blue eyes locked with his. Her face was soft, her smile warning his long neglected heart. "Please Chakotay" she softly gestured to the seat opposite her on the far side of the long table. Hurriedly taking his seat he was glad to be sat with the doctor and Tom whose banter throughout the evening made things a whole lot better for him. As the group chatted of things he knew nothing of for not being around those last five years Chakotay found he was drifting in and out of the conversation as the afternoon wore on and so watched the woman who had silently held his heart for so long. She was radiant and seemed peaceful though she was lacking in some way that he couldn't quite place. Sam Wildman was sat with her the whole time, which if he was honest surprised him. It wasn't like the Kathryn Jane way he knew to allow a none member of the senior staff at the senior staff lunch. it wasn't until mid-way through the meal he became aware of the way her crew assisted her in subtle ways, especially Sam. in fact Sam seemed to be there just to assist her. Chakotay also noticed how she often shifted in her chair as though she were in pain but the most noticeable of all was she did everything with one hand and kept her other resting under the table, her entire arm not moving the whole time.

As the meal drew to a close the group all stood, and made their exit politely. All but Kathryn and Chakotay who both sat their faces turned from each other. Sam had been the last to leave and only made an indication of leaving when Kathryn whispered in her ear and placed at hand on her shoulder.

sometime passed before Kathryn who was still staring at her hands below the table whispered "thank you for coming Chakotay" then he looked up into his eyes saying "it means a lot to see you here with us" when he didn't respond in any way she added "really"

"I didn't come for you" he retorted deeply.

she regarded him for a second then nodded and said in her very husky voice "I know you didn't, that doesn't stop me being pleased your here" he scowled and she added with a gentle reply "if you didn't want to talk you would have left with the others"

there was nothing he could say to that and so he scowled and asked "did you fix the replicator?"

she let out a soft laugh and nodded telling him "B'Elanna promised she would see to it in the morning" then she deliberately let her eyes dance over him before she tilted her head to meet his eyes and said in earnest "thank you for pulling the plug on it this morning"

Chakotay felt angry, some part of him was worried for her, the other part furious as he snapped in rage "were you planning on sitting there doing nothing like some helpless damsel?" her eyes flicked downwards away from his scrutiny as she closed them to hold back her escaping tears at how cutting his words were. when she made no effort to reply, she knew sooner or later he would know, he demanded "you could have set the whole house on fire"

without a word about the incident that morning she looked up and said in a strong firm voice "I could kill for an afternoon coffee. Can I get you something to drink?"

Chakotay regarded her long and hard for a long second. The whole time he held her gaze, she was up to something, he knew that twinkle in her eye, that set look on her face, and he just didn't know what she was up to. Deciding, for now at least, to go along with her games, which he knew she was very skilled at he nodded and said "tea please" without taking his eyes from her.

As she rose from her chair to face the replicator Chakotays heart nearly hit his throat. For all the elegance she looked as she was sat behind the table Chakotay now saw her body below the waist was twisted and broken. Her right leg was held tight in some kind of painful looking device. He right hand was in a twisted fist and hung loosely and unmoving at the side of her mangled body. As she turned Chakotay saw she had to almost drag the braced leg after her. He could see she had become obviously skilled at it but it didn't change the fact that there she stood before him, half turned to the replicator. Her body a shattered mess of mangled bones.


	6. Chapter 6

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Six.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

Chakotay found himself standing with her, he actually felt sick to look at her not because of her but because it made in so sad to see her so broken. No matter how angry and bitter he was about the past he still cared for her a great deal and if he was really honest he missed her. "I didn't know you..." he managed to gulp out before his voice trailed off in pure shock before he stammered out "when?"

slowly she turned too him to offer him his tea, she didn't make eye contact at all as he silently took the drink from her he wanted to hug her. To scoop her onto his arms and make it all ok again. He just didn't know if even touching her would make it worse. Slowly she took her coffee from the replicator and whispered "a little over four years ago"

it hit Chakotay hard. Nearly the whole time he had been gone she had been in this state. "I am so sorry" regretting not being there for her. not offering her a steady hand to hold her up, but she was doing a fine job on her own, she always did, she was the great Kathryn Janeway "I didn't know" he managed to tell her suddenly feeling annoyed with B'Elanna and the others for not even telling him.

She met his eyes warmly and whispered with a soft smile "I didn't expect you to" but it didn't console him much.

He watched her skilfully half drag herself over the sofa by using a series of bars on the wall which he had only just noticed. She nearly fell and he quickly ran to support her but she had already caught her balance by the time he got close, leaving him stood awkwardly nearby. as she lowered herself into the soft comfortable chair of her sofa he whispered "how?" she slowly raised her dark blue eyes to look at him as she softly gestured with her working hand to sit at the sofa beside him. When he sat and she still only silently watched him he said deeply "if you don't mind me asking" somehow he knew with the breakdown of their relationship five years before he really didn't have the right to demand anything from her now.

she met his gaze and knew what he was thinking "not at all" she raised her hand to him before saying in her deep husky voice "a shuttle accident" his eyes widened as he looked down at her mercilessly crushed body. She was still the same Kathryn but she was older, wiser and far more dependant. Shifting her position slightly she was fully aware of his closeness and scrutiny as she told him "the hull tore off and crushed one side of my body"

"the doctor?" he gasped wanting to give her a hug. he couldn't take in what he was seeing or hearing "Starfleet medical?" he found her tilting her head at him the way she always had "surely?..." he asked but husky voice fell away into a tight knot when he realised she really hadn't been saved, this really was the best she could live with.

"After twenty seven hours this was all that was left" she smiled feebly as she let her eyes fall at the disgustingly mangled leg. She hated to look at herself now.

"Twenty seven hours?" he gasped in horror "crushed under the hull?" the images that were flashing through his head were far too much for him to bear.

"what they pulled out wasn't a pretty sight" she told him not daring to believe he saw that old love for her still lingering in his eyes "luckily I had lost consciousness a long time before" somehow neither of them saw it as lucky "this is what I woke up to many weeks later"

Chakotay found even through all his anger for her he still felt great pain for what must have been a terrible ordeal emotionally as well as physically "I'm sorry admiral" was all he could say.

Pain and hurt flashed across her face as she turned away from him to say "there was a time you would have called me only by my name"

"that was a long time ago" he reminded her. He knew had she not been injured this way he would still be spitting venom with her. He really didn't want to let her current physical state get in the way of those feelings that very much needed to be expressed.

She was watching him. It was his turn to feel awkward under her intense scrutiny. then her voice cracked as she told him softly "I never meant to hurt you Chakotay"

"no?" he questioned just as softly "well you did"

"I know" she offered feeling the hurt and pain of five years go "I'm am so sorry"

Chakotay didn't reply. He knew she really was sorry but didn't change it; it didn't change what she did. It couldn't bring back their unborn child. Feeling like he had to find something to fill the gap he said stiffly "I was rude to you this morning" when she arched an eyebrow at him but didn't disagree with his statement he added "sorry" though he didn't sound very sorry.

"Apology accepted" she smiled warmly. Chakotay watched the trembling of her hand as she took a long sip of her rich black coffee "sorry you thought I was floundering half naked" she said keeping her eyes down cast "I have to wait for Sam to get here to help me get ready"

her words seemed to slap him square in the face as he clarified in a broken voice "you can't even dress yourself?"

"No" she growled out through gritted teeth refusing to look at him.

"Oh" he hissed hanging his head as he felt his hand wrap tighter around his tea cup.  
he was looking at her with such a sad and pained expression on his face that she found herself spitting out "I don't want your pity" before she had even fully thought what she was saying.

"You never did" he said slightly annoyed as he glanced at her with a look of slight hurt in his eyes.

"no" Kathryn said slowly meeting his eyes seriously for she knew exactly what he was talking about "pity is different to support" she told him firmly "I'm always open to your support"

he shot her a disgusted sideways glance and hissed "you weren't when..." but found himself unable to finish what he was going to say but he knew it was enough for her to understand. It was the reason for their separation, an almighty wedge that hung between them.

"no" she sighed, she hadn't wanted anything from anyone then, she just wanted her child back "sorry" she whispered looking into the deep brown eyes of the man she had loved for so long. The man she turned away rather than talk to, rather than open up to.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as the afternoon sun blared in through the overhead window. Chakotays eyes filled with tears as he whispered gently "the baby was my baby too" without even looking at her.

"I tired Chakotay" she almost broke in tears having dreaded the day she would have to face his wrath "I tried for you"

"tried?" he spat, how much had she tried? Was she trying when she went to the doctor to 'sort it' without him even knowing?

"to keep our child" she was begging his mercy "I'm sorry"  
as he looked into her deep blue eyes begging for some kind of reprieve from her pain and guilt he couldn't take it and he slammed a fist on her table snapping "don't do this now admiral"

her tear stained face winced at his fury and she shook her head whispering "do I look like an admiral to you?"

He met her eyes and saw the fear there. It cut him apart as he sunk into his chair and whispered "sorry"

"well do I?" she demanded drawing strength from some unknown source.

"No" he sighed knowing everything she had ever live for had been in Starfleet. She had given up him and a chance of a family for Starfleet. "Not anymore" he whispered feeling suddenly angry everything she lived for had been stripped from her.

"I resigned" she informed him softly. They both knew that meant she left before they told her to go.  
Feeling suddenly sad for her he asked deeply "what do you do with your day?" he knew Kathryn Janeway. He knew she preferred romantic active and doing something.

"Paint and draw" she smiled keeping him in her line of sight. "Look at the views"

"drink coffee?" he added with a dimpled smile and a twinkle in his eye. He has glad to see she was still really the same old Kathryn Janeway, the woman he fell in love with.

"It's an existence" she admitted sadly which nearly broke his heart.

"Is that all you do? exist?" he was almost crying part of him wanted to hug her the other part of him wanted to get out before he fell for her again.

"What do you do?" she asked calmly trying to get the attention off her failing existence "how's the rebuild efforts on Trebus?"

"Like you care" he spat, as soon as he said it he regretted it but he had said it by then.

Closing her eyes she told him stiffly "I do"

"it's going well" he told her looking out the far window at her view "you would like Trebus" for he knew what a nature lover she was.

"I am sure" she smiled warmly before meeting his eyes and fixing his gaze before asking "Chakotay are you happy there?" with fear lacing her words.

"Yes" he insisted softly holding her eyes with his. Though part of him knew he wasn't, not without her, not without his soul mate. Seeing her and having this slightly forced conversation had made him see that. His injuries had nothing to do with that.

"Good" she smiled her crooked smile though she could tell there was more to it than he let on. suddenly she found herself asking the unthinkable before she really had chance to stop herself "is there anyone special?" she could have kicked herself when he shot her a strange look. She realised she couldn't back down then so asked with her head slightly tilted in question "a Mrs Chakotay?"

"are you looking for the job?" he snorted but when realised how beyond wrong that was given their long standing history he wiped the stupid smirk from his face and muttered "sorry"

"I take that as a no?" she question with a reassuring smile to show she wasn't offended.

"There is one person" he smiled after a long and awkward silence. Kathryn watched his dimples flare for this unknown woman in a way she knew he used to only smile for her.

"oh?" she cocked an eyebrow as her heart beat faster not wishing to talk of the chances she had lost with the man she loved even though it was she who had returned the ring to him those five years ago.

"One of my tribe" he nodded watching her carefully schooled emotions run across her face. "I helped her build her home" Kathryn watched him. Far distant memories of the home he built for her on a plant named new earth.

"I am sure it's a very beautiful home" she told him as she realised her silence may have been a little too long.

Chakotay who was treading a fine line between falling in love with her all over again and being so hurt and angry with her not wanting anything to do with her found himself so unable to keep his eyes of her shattered bones where she sat just feet away from him on full unashamed view. "Basic" he told her with a grin "no bath tub"

which in turn earned him one her pure and genuine hugs. "she doesn't know what she's missing" she told him closing her eyes as though in a far distant memory "your baths are exquisite"

"the ones I build or the ones I share?" he asked her which may have come across slightly more provocative than he had intended but she seemed not to mind.

"Both" she let her eyes float mercilessly over his fully clothed body in a way he didn't need to question her meaning. Somehow in this tangled mess of their angry break up. Her broken body. Their five year estrangement and his fuming rage for her she was finding herself falling in love with him all over again.

Chakotay didn't reply to her last statement. He just let it linger in the air. He knew that look in her eyes and he hadn't even dared touch her yet. After a long and awkward silence he let the conversation fall on safer ground by asking "so how did you come by this great establishment?"

"I bought it" was all she offered. He knew that she was hiding something. The Kathryn Janeway he knew five years ago didn't have that kind of credits.

"With what?" he demanded. He was weary of her hiding things from him, and she knew that.  
Her eyes filled with tears and she shook her head to avoid eye contact "you wouldn't like it if I told you" she whispered deeply. She would tell him if he made her, no more secrets, he meant it. She just rather she didn't have to face that one now, she knew there was no way he would understand or believe her with his anger and mistrust for her so ripe.

"Try me" he pressed. He wanted to know what she was hiding.

taking a deep breath she whispered "I was given a job twelve years ago Chakotay" she wouldn't or couldn't look at him as she said "I fulfilled my part of the bargain"

"no!" he hissed fury building in him as he dreaded what he was sure she meant "tell me you didn't" he growled but all hope fell as all she did was turn from him in more shame "you bought all this with what they paid you for bringing in all the marquis like the good little ass kissing captain you are" his words were raw, cold and degrading but he was so angry and she knew it.

"that's not how I see it" she pleaded her case with honesty "you know that!" but when she was only met with cold, set eyes she whispered deeply "or at least you used to"

"there were a lot of things I thought I knew about you but I didn't know you at all." she spat with pure rugged malice "I hope it felt good to kneel before your masters to sell your soul and friends to Starfleet"

"that's not fair Chakotay, I wanted it to work, I tried" she insisted as her tears fell "I still care for you a great deal."

"Just not my child" he was broken, had he been thinking straight he would not have brought up their lost unborn child in the conversation that way.

"dam it Chakotay!" she hissed wiping back her tears "it was my child too"

"it?" he growled so furiously in deep undertones she knew she was in trouble "does it make your guilt easier to think of our son or daughter as an it?"

"she" Kathryn whispered trembling slightly under his intense scrutiny "she was my daughter too"

"you knew the gender" Chakotay gulped hard unsure how to take in the news "you knew our child was a girl?"

"only after..." but she couldn't finish her sentence as her tears fell "oh Chakotay it was horrible"

"I really want to punch you right now" he growled furiously standing from his chair with clenched fists and turning from her.

slowly ever so slowly and jerkily she stood tall to face him and whispered "go on"

"what?" he spat spinning to meet her eyes.

"If you hate me that much go on" she insisted dragging her body towards him forever keeping his gaze.

"I would never punch you" he whispered in a dark voice then made a point of looking down at her body saying "even before" but it didn't stop him hissing "but I sure as hell want to" then before she could reply he snapped "excuse me" turned on his heal and matched from her den leaving her stood awkwardly in pain as sad tears rolled down her face.


	7. Chapter 7

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Seven.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

Chakotay found refuse on a small secluded seat among one of Kathryn's many beautiful flower gardens. He was angry, angry with himself for wanting to hit such a beautiful woman and angry with her for doing what she did all those years ago. he was hurt to see her so physically destroyed and to have not even known, he was still only just taking it in. she would never stand the tall, proud admiral he fell in love with again. This woman couldn't even dress herself. He was so sad to think what could have been for her, for them. He was sad to think he had left her just before she ultimately fell and shattered into a million broken prices. He couldn't think straight, he couldn't think what really mattered. He wanted to hug her, he wanted to carry her pain, to know ever millimetre of scared and twisted part of her body but yet he wanted to screen and shout and hate for she destroyed his life, his child's life. It was a mess but Chakotay knew until he forgave her, until he let his anger go things would never be the same again. He just didn't know how to do that.

He had been sat there for at least an hour letting his rage out and his tears fall before he knew somebody was approaching. As she half Klingon lowered herself silently to sit beside him he snapped "don't start" without even making eye contact with his old friend.  
B'Elanna didn't even look taken aback as she stared out into the distant horizon before saying softly "you stayed behind" she didn't have to say anything else. Both knew what she meant and both knew it was a statement not a question.

"I had to talk to her" he insisted in a deep firm voice which she didn't disagree with. "I had to know she was happy" he said the last sentence with such pain in his voice B'Elanna knew then that he knew what had happened to Kathryn. She also knew there was a slight accusation in his words. An accusation that she should have warned him.

B'Elanna softly closed her eyes abduction whispered "Chakotay I wanted to tell you"

"but something got in the way?" he filled in the rest of the sentence with tears in his eyes.

"I didn't know where to start" B'Elanna admitted which Chakotay knew would take a lot of strength for the prideful half Klingon to admit, even to him her closest friend.

"I never want to talk to her again" Chakotay hissed in fury as he beat his fist on the seat beside him.

B'Elanna really was taken aback. There was fall out between her two friends and ex-lovers but she had never thought Chakotay would make it come to that "is it really that bad?" she asked turning to Chakotay for the first time in the conversation, her eyes wide with surprise.

"She walked away a long time ago" he reminded his friend through gritted teeth in his defence "remember when we finally made it back to the alpha quadrant, she and I were so happy together."

"Yea..." B'Elanna replied slowly, she hadn't forgotten, the entire crew was overjoyed to learn their command team were finally together. Even Seven who had been having a few tentative dates with the native American commander.

"she agreed to marry me, and I know she meant it, I know she would have" he whispered his eyes closed in memory of when he placed the engagement Rang on her tiny finger and how incredibly happy they both were. "we were in love" he sighed softly. if he was honest he still loved her very much, he always would.

"she still loves you" B'Elanna told him firmly as she placed a delicate hand on her good friends arm and told him "and I know you still love her"

"she's so broken Lanna" Chakotay told her through tears in his eyes. Chakotay was referring to her emotional and psychology wellbeing as well as her physical.

"I know" B'Elanna sighed looking at him lovingly "but that doesn't change her feelings, maybe it changes yours?"

"it nearly killed me to see her that way" he admitted finally meeting the eyes of the half Klingon.  
"she's better than she was, she had no movement in her legs or arms at all at first" B'Elanna told him in an effort to encourage him.

B'Elanna's words only served to bring the realisation of what his Kathryn had gone through without him "oh spirits" he gasped in horror of the implications of Kathryn's injury.

"she was unconscious for nearly four weeks after they found her" B'Elanna told him softly "the doctors say she experienced vigorous nightmares" to this Chakotay looked away and closed his eyes, the image of it too much "they said she sobbed and called for you constantly"

"I am sorry I wasn't there, really I am" Chakotay whispered as the pain for Kathryn filled his eyes "but she and I, we may have worked on Voyager when there was nothing out there for us but a common goal of getting home" he told B'Elanna seriously and with great regret "but here in the alpha quadrant we both have so many choices and possibilities, dreams that pulled us apart"

"she was so depressed when you actually left" B'Elanna through in though she knew his words were right. Chakotay raised an eyebrow and B'Elanna asked "did you know she was there at your send off?"

his eyes were wide as he gasped "no, I thought she didn't come"

"she didn't want to cloud your joyful send off, that's why she stayed back" B'Elanna told him "but she wanted to be there to see you go" Chakotay stared at her in disbelief the very thing he had asked of Kathryn when they broke up. _'you might ask me to go, and now I am I ask you to come to my send off and watch me go'_

"she should have come to me" he whispered regretting that he hadn't even known she was there the day he left for Trebus five years ago. hundreds of well-wishers and not one of them was the one person he wanted to really say goodbye to, had he known she were there he would have looked her in the eye to know she was ok. even after what she had done he wanted to care enough to be sure she was ok.

as B'Elanna watched him she saw a much deeper pain and regret in his eyes. B'Elanna had always known there was more to it all than either had ever let is known "what really drove you two apart Chakotay?" she asked.

"she wanted Starfleet and I wanted Trebus" came his set pat answer which was only half true.

"that's only part of the story and you know it!" B'Elanna hissed furious that even now with her he wouldn't open up.

closing his eyes and remembering the moment she had told him of the joyous news five years ago he asked with broken tears in his eyes "did you know she was pregnant Lanna?"

"yes" B'Elanna told him softly suddenly stunned to learn that her failed pregnancy might had led to their break up.

"today she told me a daughter" he whispered deeply as he turned from her. she knew how hard the loss of his child must have been for him and he never mentioned it before so she sat in silence and let him talk. "five years ago she told me she could never be a mother and an admiral" his voice was raw and deep and full of so much emotion "that it wasn't right for the child, that she would never allow her child to go through what she went through as a daughter of an admiral"

"so what?" B'Elanna was shocked that was all it took for him to go "you left?"

Chakotay who for the most part had understood where Kathryn was coming from had so desperately tried to make her see reason "I begged her to reconsider" he told B'Elanna "to consider resigning if that was her final word"

"she wouldn't?" B'Elanna was wide eyed and shocked, things from that time were just beginning to make sense.

"no" Chakotay admitted his anger rising once more and he hissed through gritted teeth "I asked her to come with me to Trebus, to bring our child with her, that way she could keep her rank and be in command of the rebuild efforts but it not be like normal Starfleet"

"she said no?" B'Elanna prompted softly.

"hell I even told her I was prepared to take our child to Trebus and raise them alone" his tears freely fell as she clenched his fist and said "she was set" his eyes slid shut as B'Elanna looked on horrified "she couldn't allow it" Chakotay took in one large gulp before he hissed "she informed me she would be going to the doctor in the morning" to sort it..." husky voice trailed off before adding "that was the last I saw of her until today"

"you mean she..."but it was B'Elanna who had the trouble getting the word out before she managed to gasp out "terminated?" still feeling the shock of it.

Chakotay raised his head, his dark tear filled eyes met with B'Elanna's as he nodded and told her "a week after that she sent me a message on the com telling me she was no longer pregnant" B'Elanna looked at him with stunned horror, not something she had ever imagined Kathryn doing. her hand instinctively ran over her fully swollen abdomen as Chakotay continued "she also told me that day that she was sorry but maybe it was for the best after all." he shook his head still feeling furious "I was so angry and so hurt. it was like I was torn in two" he turned again from B'Elanna as he confirmed "I left shortly after that, I was following my dreams. she didn't stop me, she didn't even come to me."

"oh Chakotay I'm so sorry" B'Elanna whispered taking his hand in hers "we all thought she lost the child..." he voice trailed off, she sat still in confused horror, now she came to think of it Kathryn had never said she had assumed "she won't talk of it" B'Elanna whispered her tears falling for him, for his unborn child "she won't talk of you. I'll admit it's so surprising how well she's taking you being here now."


	8. Chapter 8

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Eight.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

**A/N Thank you all for your lovely reviews and interest in this story. This is an old old old story of mine which I have recently found again on my laptop and though I would share it, I am glad I did! I have had three reviews with questions, normally I would simply PM a reply but they are all from Guest reviewers so can't reply… so have to do it on here…**

**I am currently in the middle of a new and LONG story some of you are reading called 'Timings Lost' which takes a lot of time and effort as well as emotional energy for me to write. It has grown and escalated far more than I ever imagined so is much longer and bigger, as I said above **_**this**_** story is an old one and was written years ago, so no I am not putting 'Timings Lost' on hold for this one, I am writing for 'Timings Lost' every day but it is taking a long time. Thank You all for your support as I try to finish all my stories.**

**Why in the 24****th**** century is Kathryn so badly injured?... Hummm as I said old story (one of my first) so some plot issues…. No reason other than it was needed for my story, ignore that fact… imagine!**

**Yes I suppose Chakotay is being a whining wimp but I would be if my fiancé treated me the way Kathryn did him and his unborn child.**

**THANK YOU… Enjoy!**

"To hell she is Sam!" " B'Elanna yelled in the face of her startled friend. The half Klingon was raging and nothing and nobody was going to stop her getting what she wanted as she screamed "get her out here or I'm going in there!"

"B'Elanna don't do this!" Sam begged as she glanced awkwardly across the den at the closed door behind which was Kathryn's private rooms, where she was now laid resting.

B'Elanna was furious as she folded her arms across her elegant ball gown she was wearing in green satin "the reunion started three hours ago. Don't you dare tell me she isn't coming" B'Elanna almost growled as she eyed poor Sam Wildman with her furious stare.

"B'Elanna I know your angry" Sam whispered softly "but she's upset and in a lot of pain"

B'Elanna softened her anger just a little as she sighed but was unrelenting with her demands "Sam don't think I don't care but right now I don't give a dam!"

"Is this about Chakotay?" Sam asked firmly knowing what the answer would be. Every member of the Voyager crew had seen what a problem getting Chakotay back would be, everyone except B'Elanna. Though if she was honest she had seen it because she had decided not to tell Kathryn of Chakotay's arrival until it was too late for her to do anything about.

B'Elanna softened. She didn't want to have an outright argument with Voyager's chief science officer and Kathryn's new personal aid "Sam don't do this!" she hissed. She knew Sam only had Kathryn's best interest at heart and right now B'Elanna couldn't decide who she was rooting for. She knew Kathryn, an outright abortion of her baby didn't seem like her. She knew she had to get all the facts before she passed judgement but Kathryn out right refusing to even show her face at the reunion wasn't her and it angered her a lot.

"B'Elanna she doesn't want to be at the party, she's staying" Sam insisted. Kathryn had employed her to do this job and she would do it to the best of her ability. She loved Kathryn.

"like I said like hell she is!" hissed the half Klingon not backing down when Sam equally didn't back down B'Elanna softened a little and asked "why aren't you at the party?"

"I won't leave her" Sam told her friend meeting her eyes, a silent understanding passed between the two. B'Elanna realised shear frustration was not going to get her an audience with Kathryn Janeway any time soon.

"Please Sam just five minutes" B'Elanna whispered. If Klingons begged you could be sure that's what B'Elanna was doing at that moment.

"She's won't talk to anyone since Chakotay left earlier" Sam told her sounding almost sympathetic to her friends plea.

"I know" sighed to beautiful half Klingon woman who even in her heavily pregnant state looked beautiful "and I know why. I have talked with him"

"You talked to Chakotay?" came a deep husky voice from the now open doorway behind where the two friends were having a standoff.

"Kathryn..." B'Elanna hissed softly turning to face the small injured red headed woman who had once stood so tall and brave.

"How is he?" she asked forcing herself to walk forward while her eyes stayed fixed on B'Elanna.

"Hurt, confused" B'Elanna told to older woman as Sam rushed to her side to help her stand upright "angry"

Kathryn regarded B'Elanna for a long time with narrowed eyes before nodding and saying in a deep voice "the sooner he leaves for Trebus again the better"

"How can you stand there so high and mighty and say that?" B'Elanna was fuming as Kathryn for what she was done and how prepared she was to brush Chakotay and his feelings aside as though they didn't matter.

"do I look high and mighty to you?" it was Kathryn's turn to be full of fury as she regarded the two women stood before her, a sudden look of shock drawn across both their faces.

"Kathryn I care about you" B'Elanna told her meeting her eyes and stepping forward in defence "and I'm grateful for all you have given me and tom" Kathryn tilted her head as B'Elanna set her gaze, they both knew something was coming. B'Elanna took a long deep breath and said "but Chakotay is and always will be a brother to me" Kathryn raised an eyebrow and was not disappointed when B'Elanna stated with full meaning in her words and therefore his children my nice or nephew"

Kathryn held her eyes for a long and silent moment as her breathing quickened before she nodded stiffly and said firmly "five minutes" B'Elanna let out a breath she didn't know she was holding as both women glanced the blonde haired science officer who clearly wanted to protest. Kathryn raised her palm before her friend and aid could say anything and whispered "please Sam?"

"Kathryn?" Sam asked almost horrified Kathryn would agree to such a meeting given the state she had been in since Chakotay left earlier.

"I'm not going to attack her Sam" B'Elanna whispered trying to reassure her friend in a humours way. When Sam merely stared at her looking completely unconvinced the half Klingon growled "really" then turning back to Kathryn who was shifting herself into her arm chair she stated "there is just something Kathryn needs to hear"

"Sam" Kathryn sighed looking up at her faithful aid. Sam looked firmly from one to the other and then without a word turned on her heal and left. Kathryn knew she would be back the second the conversation became heated too long. Somehow B'Elanna knew it too.

"I'm missing the party for this so you had better listen up" B'Elanna almost growled at her friend.

Kathryn smiled a crooked smile and folded her arms before saying "I'm all yours"

"He loves you, he always has and you treated him like utter trash because you weren't ready for a child." B'Elanna decided to go in for the kill. No beating about the bush in her limited time. "A child didn't fit into your almighty federation career plan. Am I right?"

"No a child didn't fit" Kathryn snapped at her with defence "it was an inconvenience and I was scared and alone"

"You weren't alone" "you had Chakotay and you had me and tom"

"Chakotay and I were already fighting and falling apart" "it didn't work for us in the delta quadrant and it sure as hell wasn't working for us in the alpha quadrant"

B'Elanna couldn't accept that. Setting her face and folding her arms she asked seriously "do you love him?"

The question took Kathryn so by surprise all she snapped out was "what?" surprised by the sudden and direct question.

"Do you love him?" B'Elanna repeated firmly with seriousness and insistence in her voice.

Kathryn stood and stared for a long time contemplating what her answer should be. Did she love him? She had once but did she still? Could she love him after all this time? Closing her eyes she hung her head and nodded "yes" she told her friend "yes I do" she managed to open her sapphire eyes full of emotion as she shook her head "but he's happy on trebus and I could never go there, they don't have the medical care I would need"

"If he said he would leave trebus for you would you build a life with him?" Kathryn closed her eyes as she dreamed of what would be should she and Chakotay had made their engagement work.

"Oh B'Elanna I really wish it were that simple but it's not" she told her friend with a heavy burdened heart.

"It can be" B'Elanna stated with firm assurance on the matter.

"He hates me" Kathryn whispered as she sadly turned from her friend. "Its better we all let the past lie"

B'Elanna was truly shocked to realise that was actually what Kathryn thought she shook her head and grabbed Kathryn's shoulder to force her to look at her as she insisted "he doesn't hate you, he's hurt and angry but he certainly doesn't hate you." when Kathryn closed her eyes and shook her head fighting back her tears B'Elanna asked in a much softer tone "what happened Kathryn?"

"Well I suppose we could have worked in the delta quadrant when working for a common desire, our only dream and purpose" Kathryn whispered as far off distant memories of lunches in her quarters and stolen moments in the ready room filled her mind.

"But in the alpha quadrant?" B'Elanna prompted knocking into Kathryn's happy memories with a shattering reminder of what changed.

"he wanted to go to trebus, I wanted Starfleet" she whispered deeply "he would have stayed with me here but I knew he wouldn't really be happy" she was sincere in that and B'Elanna knew it's because she cared she let him go "then I found out I was pregnant, oh B'Elanna we were both so happy" her face shone with joy in a broad smile which surprised B'Elanna but she knew she meant it.

"Chakotay always dreamed of a child" B'Elanna whispered "he's always wanted to be a father" her words were not to hurt or devastate Kathryn they were a simple fact that they both knew.

"I know" Kathryn said stiffly "but that was his dream not mine" all the joy of her mentioning her child gone from her face.

"He can't have a child alone. How could you take that from him?" B'Elanna asked. She had come here to demand the truth and demand she come to the party. Now the moment was here she didn't feel very happy about it.

Kathryn stared her in the face watching where she was coming from. Then with a deep breath she told her painful story and B'Elanna hung on every word not wanting to interrupt. "I was happy B'Elanna I wanted that child as much as he did but I was so frightened. I didn't want my child to grow up like I did with a parent half there and half not. Distant yet not absent. That is what I couldn't allow as I had grown up. When Chakotay suggested I moved to trebus that way I could keep my rank with Starfleet I was frightened. Trebus is so far away, I didn't know it, all my friends and family were here. My security. I turned him down, I told him I would terminate the foetus in the morning, I couldn't see her as a child then, or rather I didn't want to. I gave his ring back, I knew he could never forgive me, he could never be with a woman who aborted his baby" tears seemed down Kathryn's face as she whispered "he begged he to reconsider, begged me to let him raise the child alone on trebus if that's what I wanted. I was confused and frightened I didn't know what I wanted. The idea of my child alive, star systems from me knowing nothing of her mother I hated more than the idea of a distant admiral for a mother. I told Chakotay that idea could never be, and I walked away promising to sort it by the morning."

B'Elanna held her eyes as she asked "he didn't stop you?"

"No" Kathryn sighed "I did, I went to see the doctor in the morning. I was a confused and emotional mess, he asked me to talk to a counsellor, he an arranged for me to see Will Riker's wife"

"Deanna?" B'Elanna gasped knowing the enterprise's ex bridge counsellor was the best there was.

Kathryn smiled "yes, great woman she is. She helped me see the problem, helped me understand I couldn't destroy the life within me because of my fear and not without the fathers constant. She the Doctor and I agreed that I was to give Chakotay the child's full custody upon birth. Deanna was going to go and see him. I don't know what happened there" Kathryn shook her head.

"Wait hang on!" B'Elanna was shocked "you didn't abort the child?"

"No!" Kathryn was horrified "I don't think I would have ever really gone through with it. The Doctor knew that so he got me to see sense and talk to Deanna. Since I lost the baby a week later I know I would never have aborted my child. Chakotay's child, his daughter. I could never raise a child but Chakotay would have and still might make a fine and beautiful father." Kathryn turned away slightly and let her body tremble with her falling tears as she whispered "I tried so hard to keep his child in me but she died within. I tried oh B'Elanna I tried" B'Elanna was wide eyed as he placed a gentle hand on Kathryn's shoulder as the older woman continued "it didn't matter anyway, his child was lost to me and he hasn't forgiven me since. I tried to tell him, I sent a message on the com I told him how sorry I was, how I was no longer pregnant and I begged his forgiveness." B'Elanna was playing Chakotay's words over in her head from that afternoon the same story from two peoples point of view B'Elanna went to say something when Kathryn finished her story "he sent me a recorded message, I saw the hate and pain in his eyes as he told me he was leaving for trebus, that if I had any dignity and decency I would be at his send off and stand and watch him go. So I did. B'Elanna you ask how I could take the child from him I tell you I wish my body had been stronger, worthier to carry his child and I thought with all I had to keep his child alive. The pain I felt that day was nothing to the pain I know he feels"

B'Elanna couldn't think what to say or do. How could this have happened? He was angry with her for what he thought she had done and she hated herself for what was out of her control thinking that was the reason for his anger. "Kathryn" B'Elanna whispered deeply meeting her eyes "he thinks you did abort the child, that's why he's so angry"


	9. Chapter 9

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Nine.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

**Merry Christmas to all my readers! I had hoped to get this up before but have been so busy! Hope you all had a good Christmas! Thanks for the reviews! Blessings.**

"please Kathryn talk to him, tell him the truth" B'Elanna couldn't believe that Kathryn was actually considering just letting it go and letting things between her and Chakotay stay as they were.

"I can't" Kathryn insisted tightly without explanation as she had been doing for the last five minutes.

"Why not?" sighed B'Elanna fed up and angry with the whole situation having been so surprised to learn of the horrible misunderstanding between her two dear friends.

"It won't change anything" Kathryn hissed trying hard to turn away from her friend as to not let her own confusion at the new revelation penetrate.

"What are you afraid of?" B'Elanna asked softly having watched her friend and being sure that was the problem. When Kathryn almost winced at the question B'Elanna knew she was right and asked softly "that you might actually fall in love with him again?"

Kathryn let her eyes close as her deep husky whisper came "I already did the moment I saw him in the kitchen this morning" then she shook her head as though to disagree with what was said there as she whispered "in honesty I never stopped loving him."

"So what are you afraid of?" B'Elanna asked while she took in what Kathryn had admitted she also wanted to press about why she wouldn't go to talk to Chakotay now she knew he had seriously miss understood the situation.

"It's just better he goes back to trebus and we can all get on with our lives" Kathryn growled through her teeth as her eyes shone with deep tears.

"How can you say that?" B'Elanna was shocked and wide eyed at this statement "do you not want to put him right?" she hissed with her arms folded tightly across her chest above her large round belly "do you really want him to believe you did that?"

"I want to let him get on with his life" Kathryn yelled as her tears fell. As she composed herself and met the half Klingons dark eyes she found herself weeping "look at me B'Elanna."

"I see you Kathryn!" B'Elanna insisted as she looked firmly down at her friend's twisted body and then raising her eyes to meet Kathryn's shining blue orbs.

"How could he ever love this" Kathryn felt the anger well up in her. She shook her head firmly and said what was really hard for her to say "its better he hates me" Kathryn knew he could never move on, neither of them could as long as there was just a hint of love for her in him.

"I told you he doesn't hate you" B'Elanna growled "he hates what he thinks you did. I know he cares for you"

Kathryn couldn't accept that she shook her head her eyes bright and certain, she would never get in the way of his future "he's making a life on trebus, he has a girlfriend there"

"What?!" screamed B'Elanna, this was not information she knew, nor was she happy to hear it.

"That's what he told me today" Kathryn sighed.

B'Elanna felt sick. She couldn't believe it she knew Chakotay and she could see how much he still loved Kathryn, how he still cared greatly for her "at least come to the reunion Kathryn" B'Elanna sighed hoping getting them in the same room again might help. As well as the fact that the whole point of making Chakotay come was that they were all together again for the five year reunion. "As Voyagers captain you deserve to be there."

Chakotay looked around the body of Voyager crew. Everyone looked so beautiful. It had surprised Chakotay to see that Kathryn hadn't even shown her face after all the effort everyone else put in romantic being there. A hint of worry did surge through him as he wondered what had happened to his beloved woman but he tried to quench that worry by asking Tom "where's B'Elanna?"

"I don't know, he said something about going to fetch something." tom shrugged just as he raised his glass in a kind of wave to somebody behind Chakotay.

"What?" an exasperated Chakotay asked feeling annoyed that the young pilot wasn't giving him any attention.

Just then the doctor appeared at Chakotay's side and nodded behind where he stood saying "Kathryn janeway"

Chakotay spun round to see her stood with the support of both Sam and B'Elanna. She wore an elegant red dress and a radiant smile on her beautiful face as her blue eyes shining brightly met her waiting crowd "stunning isn't she commander?" the doctor asked unable to keep his eyes of her.

"Yes" Chakotay smiled. She still was the same beautiful woman he fell in love with. Alive and free. Even as her body stood broken and twisted she knew how to hold her audience captivated. Chakotay found anger at her physical appearance flood through him as he demanded of the doctor "isn't there something you can do for her?"

"A little more but I have been reluctant because of the side effects but I think she wants it how it is. She wears it as an outward sign of the guilt she feels" Chakotay was wide eyed as he stared from Kathryn back to the doctor. When Chakotay didn't say anything the doctor stood tall to face the Native American as he asked "commander if I may be so bold to ask if you intend to relieve her of some of her guilt before you return to Trebus?"

Chakotay turned slowly to face the doctor before demanding "what are you talking about? How am I able to relieve her guilt?"

"Your anger towards her since the miscarriage of your child, I am aware of the difficult feelings a father may feel but the mother also feels this way"

Chakotay ground his teeth together and hissed "she chose this, she killed my child"

"She miscarried Chakotay and your anger has made her believe she wasn't worthy of you and your child" Chakotay could hardly take in the doctors words but he couldn't deny them as he stood stunned "she had already signed full custody to you upon birth" Chakotay froze as he stared in disbelief.


	10. Chapter 10

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Ten.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

Chakotay stood and watched as the evening wore on, the doctors innocent words slipped into the conversion by the doctor kept going round and round in his mind. She had a miscarriage? She had lost their unborn child through natural means beyond her control. How could that be? How could it be he didn't know? Why was he so blind? Why was he hung up on her threat to abort their child that he was so blind to the truth? Chakotay stood keeping his eyes always glancing in Kathryn's direction. Her beauty still radiated from her broken body. He knew he loved her. He had never stopped loving her. She looked happy and contented where she sat. Was it fair to bring up that lost child with her? Was it fair to disturb the beautiful life she had built for herself out this brokenness. Chakotay couldn't help wonder if it wasn't just better to let things lie and let things stay as they are.

Every member of Voyagers crew went up to her to wish her well. Chakotay was amazed by the grace with which she greeted them. Each one she had a new and vibrant smile for. Each one she warmed with a touch and some laughter. Even as the evening wore on Chakotay could see she was getting tired and yet she still held the event with dignity and great elegance. Chakotay was in awe of her.

Realising he now was the only one having not gone to her he suddenly felt awkward, it seemed also his lack of emphasise hadn't gone unnoticed by those in the room.

He did feel some guilt relating to the way he had spoken to to her only earlier that day. Chakotay knew he wanted to apologise but didn't want to do it with Sam and B'Elanna or any of the others with her. They seriously needed to talk, alone but Chakotay doubted now if she would agree to it. As he watched her, his heart contemplated his next move until he decided he wouldn't least ask her to consider joining him for lunch the following day. One of them had to offer the first move and he decided to do it. He knew most of the crew had been ignoring him and let him stew in his own bitter pain, many of them knew it was towards Kathryn and as many of them admired at respected her they weren't very happy with Chakotay's obvious dislike in her.

Slowly he rose from his seat in the dark secluded corner of the large ball room and he made a definite striding walk towards where Kathryn and Sam sat engrossed in conversation.

It was Sam who saw him coming first. The smile drained instantly from her face as her eyes met with Chakotay's. Kathryn noticing the sudden change in her friend's facial expression followed her eye line twisting her body where she sat to face Chakotay behind her. As she realised he was purposely moving towards her she too let the smile drop from her features and yet still hold elegance as she jerkily stood to face him.

Upon realising what she was doing he shook his head and raised his hand as he said softly "please don't stand on my account" Sam and Chakotay had both been surprised by her response to his arrival, she hadn't stood for anyone yet that evening.

Kathryn's eyes met Chakotay's and really wished they hadn't for looking back at her was that old love, that compassion for her he held. "What can I do for you commander?" she asked with a soft gentle smile as she held his gaze. Her question had taken him completely by surprise as she looked at him with respect and reverence in her eyes.

Chakotay took a deep breath, it was now or never "would you join me for lunch tomorrow?" there he had said it. Kathryn had braced herself for his worst, his onslaught. She was sure his fury would come to her and call her a liar, but a dinner date, that she had not expected.

Kathryn lifted her left eyebrow and looked at him suspiciously. He knew that look, he knew what she was thinking. Letting out a breath he looked into her eyes "has B'Elanna talked to you then?" she asked him sure that would be the reason for his sudden attitude change.

Chakotay couldn't take his eyes from her as he shook his head "not since earlier but something tells me that is not what you're talking about. Please Kathryn, one dinner that and an open chat that's all I ask before I return to Trebus."

Kathryn knew he was sincere. She didn't know what brought this on but she knew it must have been big to force him to use her name again. She saw the suspense and worry in his eyes as he waited on her answer. She knew he wouldn't push her is she said no. She also could see he really with sincerity wanted her to say yes. She was torn. Looking at Sam she saw in her dear friend's eyes what the answer should be. It gave her the strength and courage to know what to say.


	11. Chapter 11

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Eleven.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Sorry for the hold-up in upload, having some major internet connection problems. Thanks.**

Kathryn raised an eyebrow "if I said yes would we argue?"

Chakotay hung his head and sighed "Kathryn, I have no intention of arguing" she watched him closely. How could he think she would actually abort their child? Is that really the woman he really thought she was? "I give you my word, just talk and dinner"

A smile crept across her face as she nodded "in that case tomorrow you have yourself a date, I might even tidy the den for you."

Chakotay stared at her for a while before nodding and saying "thank you, that's lovely but I had hoped to take you out for dinner."

At his words Sam who had stayed sat down stood in protest for Kathryn as Kathryn held Chakotay's eyes saying "Chakotay that's lovely but surely you see what I look like"

Chakotay looked her broken body up and down where she stood, his suspicion that she hadn't left her comfortable ranch since the accident had just been confirmed "you're looking beautiful" he told her warmly "I'll get B'Elanna to lend me her transport vehicle and we'll go into town. Sue tells me there is a lovely little dinner there" at the look of pure horror in her eyes he smiled "I'm not ashamed of you" He moved closer to her and she almost stumbled backwards trying to get away from him. Both Sam and Chakotay reached out to support her as he whispered "please Kathryn"

She looked into his eyes and saw that old determination there, his determination to support her in whatever way was needed and it warmed her heart "ok" she nodded "I have heard tell of this dinner." her smile widened as she looked at him "I suppose there would be no harm in going" then her smile faded slightly "but Chakotay I need a lot of help, not just with walking" she glanced at Sam, she knew in the den help would be at hand if she needed it, there with only Chakotay meant she relied solely on him, should he become angry with her or find himself unsure how to help her then she would be very much helpless.

Almost as though he read her mind he placed his hand gently on her working arm and whispered "trust me?"

She suddenly saw her Chakotay, the Chakotay she had fallen in love with not the angry and bitter Chakotay who she had come to see "ok" she nodded firmly, there had been time when she would never have questioned her trust in this man.

"Thank you" he nodded "I will pick you up at 1300 hours tomorrow" with that he was gone.

Sure enough at 1300 hours the next day Kathryn janeway found herself sat in the large courtyard of her manor home dressed in her large winter coat hat and scarf she was not let down when B'Elanna's transport vehicle pulled up and Chakotay stepped out looking at her where she sat with Sam. "Nice hat" he smiled warmly.

"Thanks" Kathryn smiled warmly as she stayed seated watching him walk towards her "my mother made it for me"

"Oh" Chakotay smiled his beaming dimpled smile as he sat down beside her and asked "how is dear Mrs Janeway?"

"my mother is well" she told him as though it were natural to be having this kind of conversation with him "her and phoebe are still trying to marry me off, but nobody wants a broken wife who can't do anything for herself"

Chakotay watched her and then smiled saying "they don't know what they passed by"

"And you" Kathryn asked raising her eyebrow at him "you promised me dinner"

Chakotay knew she needed the sudden abrupt change of subject and so didn't protest "that I did" he smiled standing and turning to her to help her stand. Kathryn noticed the gentle manner in which he supported her.

It took a while but he got her seated in the vehicle and climbed in beside her. As he closed the door and stared up the power they both realised there was no going back, once he drove away from her home, her ranch, her sanctuary they had to talk and try and get along. She would be very much at his mercy. Chakotay waited silently to see if she would back out. When she didn't say anything he glanced sideways at her to see her watching him. Her mouth curled into a smile as she asked "don't tell me you have forgotten how to drive this thing?"

"No" he smiled back at her and edged the vehicle away towards the open road.

They travelled in silence for a good fifteen minutes before Kathryn asked "so tell me commander if not B'Elanna who I owe this pleasure?"

Chakotay looked genuinely confused as he said softly "I am sorry I am not sure I follow"

Kathryn let out a snort shaking her head she turned to look out her window at the passing scenes. Surprisingly she felt safe and content in the mercy of the man driving her away from the home she hadn't left in over four years "yesterday at 1400 hours you told me with pure venom in your voice you could never love me, hell you would never call me Kathryn again." Chakotay kept his eyes fixed on the road a head as she concluded "you told me you wanted to punch me. By 2100 hours you were tenderly calling me Kathryn and begging me to join you on a date" turning to look at him she asked "I'm curious, if not B'Elanna then who had you talked too who made you change your mind?"

Chakotay knew now was the time for honesty, the time for open communication and so he said honestly and simply "the doctor"

"Arr" was all Kathryn offered in reply.

From that moment on they continued to travel in silence, Kathryn was basking in being out of her familiar ranch, Chakotay was just simply basking him her presence, his anger towards her floating away without him even noticing. Could there be hope for them yet? Could he allow himself to love her again?

Kathryn guessed Chakotay now knew the truth, how could he have ever thought she would actually go ahead and abort his baby? Then again how could she have thought he would hate her for miscarrying? This was a whole damn mess. Could there be hope for them yet? Could she allow herself to love him again?

For now at least he was content driving her in silence.

For now at least she was content him driving her in silence.


	12. Chapter 12

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twelve.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Hiya readers, thanks for the great reviews! Welcome to 2013! Sorry for the delay, I've been very busy and also had some major internet connection problems! x**

"are you enjoying you chicken?" Chakotay asked his dinner date with a dimpled smile drawn across his face. she had been eating the grilled meat, slowly. at first Chakotay thought that was how she enjoyed eating but had realised about half way through the meal she was having great difficulty actually cutting the food but he didn't know how to bring the subject up with her. their small talk conversation had long since drifted into nothing but they were enjoying each other's company again.

"yes thank you" she smiled softly with stabbing the offending meat with her fork trying to force more meat from the bone. she was thankful for his taking her out and him buying her this delicious meal but she had forgotten just how hard she found eating because she always had Sam, B'Elanna or one of the others with her to help.

Chakotay's heart sank, she couldn't dress herself, and she couldn't eat a meal, what else could she not do alone? leaning in he stilled her frustrated hand calmly by placing his own steady copper hand over hers where she gripped the fork. as soon as he did that her eyes shot up to look at him. "here let me" he whispered softly taking the fork from her and picking up the long discarded knife he began to slice her chicken.

"Chakotay" she hissed trying to force him away with her working hand suddenly feeling ashamed and angry at the situation.

"it's ok" he was forceful as he continued on his task "please let me help" at his soft and caring voice Kathryn nodded and fell back softly in her chair to allow him to cut the rest of her dinner into manageable chunks as though she were a child. as she watched him she saw little hostility towards her as she had twenty four hours ago. this Chakotay was content in his task of making the eating process easier for her. this Chakotay was her Chakotay. he didn't seem at all ashamed or phased to be with her in that state, he just looked content almost proud.

once he finished he looked up to see the deep blue of her eyes watching him. with a smile he handed to fork back to her and sat back in his chair the way she had. "thanks" she sighed before tearing he eyes from him and beginning to eat her dinner again.

once she had finished, a good twenty minutes after him, she offered an apologetic smile. he returned her smile and said seriously "you do very well doing everything with one hand"

"four years is a long time to practice" she smiled back though she didn't feel she had done very well all things considered but she didn't protest.

Chakotay watched her and saw the pain and sadness in her eyes. his heart beat faster and faster. was he really falling in love with her again? "I'm sorry I wasn't there Kathryn" he whispered, deep regret and sincere sorrow in his voice. reaching across the table he laid his copper skinned hand softly onto of her pale hand resting on the table.

"you were following your dream" she told him gently. she could never knock him for that. "I'm glad you were happy on Trebus not stuck here looking after me"

"if I had known I would have at least contacted you" he insisted and they both knew he was right. as she pulled her hand away from his he admitted "probably come to see you"

he looked sad as slowly anger drew across his features and they both knew the unspoken meaning behind his words she met his eyes and whispered in a husky voice "I told them not to tell you Chakotay"

"why?" he spat not bothering to hide his shock and hurt.

"I didn't want you to feel you had to contact me" she whispered "I didn't want you to feel tied to me" slowly she turned her face away from his angry glare and she told him "I knew you were angry with me"

"yes I was" he said without hesitation in a deep firm voice. he watched her for her reaction she simply closed her eyes and clenched her hand into a fist.

"I know I hurt you when I said we couldn't bring our child into this world" she offered in simple reply.

"you meant it" he stated calmly, a statement not a question. he was firm and unwavering as he kept his eyes trained on her across the table.

right at that moment a waiter came to remove their empty plates. Kathryn stayed silent keeping her eyes on him. his words stung in the honesty of them as well as her fear and shame of being out in her physical condition. she kept her eyes on him looking for redemption and security all in one. Chakotay calmly ordered her a coffee and him a tea. he waited for the waiter to nod and walk away before silently turning back to Kathryn and watching her intently.

"yes" her husky voice broke the painful silence in reply to Chakotay's previous statement. could she deny her words of five years ago? would she?

"you still would say it?" he questioned her sadly "even now"

"I would if I were still an admiral" she nodded talking softly and not quite meeting his eyes.

"but you're not" he reminded her with his deep steady voice. the sharp anger and pain still digging into him. "so if you had a child growing inside you now would you consider an abortion?"

"no" Kathryn was firm. an abortion was different to saying you couldn't bring a child into the world. one was a feeling the other an action "even if I was an admiral now I wouldn't consider an abortion" she told him firmly and somehow She looked into her eyes he knew she was telling the truth.

"but you did then" he stated in an almost growl showing his pain and anger. when she didn't reply he hissed "why?" at her.

"you know why" she spat back fighting the tears wishing he wouldn't ask her to say allowed he great shame.

looking Kathryn right in the eyes he said simply and honesty "I want to hear you say it"

she had promised herself when she agreed to meet him for lunch she would tell him whatever he asked and so it was with a heavy heart she told him "I didn't see the foetus as a life" turning away she added with a deep painful sadness lingering in her voice "just an inconvenience"

"so what changed?" Chakotay asked her. he was staying calm, he knew now the only answer was for honest communication between the two of them and he knew she knew it too.

"I went Chakotay" she told him firmly with wide blue eyes meeting his dark eyes "I went to the doctor just as I promised you I would" she confirmed her meaning "first thing the morning after I gave you your ring back"

"why did you do that?" he interrupted in a deep steady voice as he fixed her with his firm stare. she was doing her best to evade his eyes.

"to ask him to abort my child" she managed to whisper in a sad voice. then almost as a quickly as she had said it she corrected herself "our child"

"I know that" he growled her words having hurt him badly. that wasn't what he had been referring too "I mean why give me the ring back?" he pressed "why end our engagement?"

Kathryn knew he would want an answer, an honest one. she couldn't think straight, her anger and guilt with herself plaguing her mind even now "I knew you could never love the woman who killed your child" she told him as a few tears trickled uncontrollably down her face "I knew you could only hold contempt for me"

"I was hurt and angry and yes I hated what you did" he admitted after having taken in a deep breath and staring at her in a somewhat caring way "but I never stopped loving you"

"I could never ask you to marry me when I hurt you so badly" she told him in a sad voice just as the waiter arrived with their drinks giving her a chance to calm her shaking nerves as she took a gulp from the mug of bitter liquid.

Chakotay knew he couldn't push her, five years was a long time for both of them. perhaps her more than him. the time for anger and blame was long past and Chakotay could see that now. "with a slight sigh and a closing of his eyes for composure he asked "if you understood how much it would hurt me why do it?"

"I was scared Chakotay" came her words full of trepidation and fear. Chakotay didn't miss the almost begging in her voice and if he was honest that scared him "so scared, my security was in the familiar, in what I knew, earth, my family" she then turned away to stare at the content of her mug before she admitted the thing at the very heart of the issue "Starfleet" the fact she relied upon and wouldn't give up her commission "you knew that, it hadn't been any different in the delta quadrant"

"I was with you" he reminded her firmly trying to still her shaking hand with his own steady one "besides we could have still had a child with all those things"

"no Chakotay no we couldn't" she once again pulled away shaking her head desperately "I couldn't"

"I don't understand" he told her infuriated "and I didn't back then"

"I grew up the child of a Starfleet admiral" she reminded him her own hurt and bitter memories flooding into her mind, her childhood not quite a fulfilling time with her father never having any time for her "I knew the price to pay for that, I could never, would never let a child of mine grow up knowing that pain"

"so instead of giving up your career for the life you helped create and were intrusted with you were going to kill it!" he was trying so hard to not raise his voice but he was certainly far from calm.

"I didn't see it as killing Chakotay" she told him, her own fury rising as she ground out the words through gritted teeth.

"no" he accused her almost with malice in his voice though he wasn't rising his voice "just an inconvenient division easily gotten rid of"

"yes" she nodded but just as quickly closed her eyes and shook her head changing her mind she snapped "no" when she saw the look of distrust in his eyes she almost broke begging him "oh Chakotay I don't know I was scared I didn't know what I wanted" turning from his she admitted with deep pain "I went to the doctor that morning" Chakotay looked at her closely and saw her inner beauty shine through "he asked me to speak with a councillor, Will Rikers wife"

"did she persuade you not to go ahead with it?" Chakotay demanded from across the table to her.

Kathryn run her hand over her forehead and pinched the bridge of her nose with finger and thumb "she helped me understand some of my very real concerns and fears"

"I'll take that as a yes" he growled their age old augment coming back to rest between them.

"it didn't take much persuading! I didn't really want to terminate our child" she whispered. she understood why he was angry with her. she had always hoped she didn't have to face

"but you couldn't bring a child into the world to grow up the child of an admiral" he reminded her softly yet firmly of her own words.

"no" she told him. she set her jaw opened her deep blue eyes and met his steadily "so I did the only thing I could" she told him. taking an honest deep breath she sighed telling him "I signed custody to you" as tears poured down her face "at least then our child would grow up knowing the love of her strong father and learn his people's ways on Trebus"

Chakotay looked at her and knew. he knew what she was saying was the truth. he knew what the doctor had told him was true and it pained him to see that sorrow in her eyes "what happened Kathryn?" he whispered lovingly as he tried to take her hand in love.

"I didn't think I could face you" she told him which almost stabbed him with regrets as she told him "I was frightened" she shook her head at pulled away from his hand offered in support "Deana said she would contact you to ask you to sign the custody papers" Kathryn's voice cracked with tears "I was at peace knowing my child would live in your care"

"I never heard from her" Chakotay said seriously and firmly feeling like a fist clenched around his heart to learn the painful truth of five years before.

Kathryn closed her eyes and her body gave a slight shudder as she whispered "oh..." before her voice trailed away.

Chakotay gave her a minute before asking "so what happened if you didn't..." but his own voice trailed off when he couldn't bring himself to ask it.

"it started like a pain, a really sharp pain" Kathryn began with a brave breath and courage to tell him now they were finally communicating after all that time. "and sickness. I was alone in the apartment I had just bought. I didn't want to bother anyone for a bit of morning sickness so I took some pain killer hypospray and went to bed" at this point her face contorted into obvious distress as she remembered the events of that fateful day. a day that as the father Chakotay had the right to know about. "I woke up a few hours later with blood everywhere" she was trembling now, she wouldn't look at him as tears poured down her face "as soon as I realised what was happening I contacted Starfleet medical and I begged my baby, our baby to live." at these words Chakotay saw her distress and rose from his chair opposite her to sit beside her in support. she still couldn't face him as she continued "I was fighting Chakotay you have to believe me" she shuddered and he looked at her confusion evident on his face as she whispered "I wanted everything in me to save your child"

"Kathryn..." he began but was lost for words to console her broken crying.

"I'm so sorry Chakotay" she told him though sobs "I was weak. I wasn't worthy enough to carry your child"

"Kathryn" he said firmly as he pulled her shuddering body into a tight embrace "oh spirits Kathryn" he was sure now, he loved her, he had never stopped.


	13. Chapter 13

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Thirteen.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

"Kathryn you weren't weak and you did what you could" Chakotay insisted as he knelt on the floor beside where she sat at the table.

"Do you really believe that?" she asked him searching her eyes for that flare of hatred she had become so accustomed to seeing in his eyes.

"Yes" he said softly resting his hand on her elbow "yes I do" he was firm and sincere something Kathryn couldn't miss in his words. She turned from him unsure what to do next. Her heart was pounding as she dared to hear what he had to say "if you were weak you would have aborted the child but the fact you stopped to think and then chose to change your mind shows your strength"

She couldn't believe after all this time, after all the pain Chakotay was actually on her side. There was no anger in his voice, only regret and sorrow "but I wasn't strong enough when it came to it to keep your child for you" Kathryn managed to whisper. She somehow couldn't bring herself to actually believe what he was saying so lovingly.

"Kathryn these things are out of our control" tears formed in his eyes as he looked at her. How could he ever believe she aborted her child? Why did he not stop and listen to her, to hear her side of the story, why had he not tried to see her pain? "you did what you could" he told her cupping her face gently in his hand and whispered "and you've suffered so much for trying your best" as she finally let her eyes meet his he whispered lovingly "I'm so sorry I made you suffer."

"Chakotay" she shook her head firmly at him "you have a dream" she gave him an honest sad smile "you went to Trebus" she wanted to reassure him that she thought he did the right thing going to Trebus.

"It's beautiful there" he smiled wistfully as he told her "you would love it"

she was surprised but when she looked in his eyes she knew what he was saying part of her felt warm by it but the other felt pain because she knew she could never see his beloved home world "I can't Chakotay, they don't have the medical care I need"

"One day when the rebuild effort is further along we hope to get hospitals and schools and all those things" tears filled his eyes as he dared ask "you could see Trebus then?"

"If you and your new girlfriend would have me visit." she nodded "yes" trying to sound like she didn't care.

"My new girlfriend?" Chakotay was confused. He almost jumped back from her. Suddenly the intimate moment he was feeling was broken.

"You said there was somebody" Kathryn held his eyes steady and sure "you built her house"

then it hit Chakotay square in the gut, what a cruel blow he had tried to stab what he thought was her cold heart "oh..." he whispered slowly as tears fell freely down his face "oh Kathryn I'm so sorry"

"What?" she gasped unsure what was upsetting him. She reached a trembling had to rest on his shoulder as she stared at him waiting to hear what the problem was.

"I was angry" he sighed "I could see you still had feelings for me" he took a large intake of breath, closed his eyes and told her "I wanted to make you jealous" Kathryn tilted her head and stared at him as he whispered "Senya is my dog" her eyes were wide as he added quickly "puppy actually"

"Your..." she was slow letting his words sink in before she gulped out "puppy?"

"Yes" he nodded quickly looking at her to see her response but she was doing a fine job at keeping her emotions in check.

"Right" she said sharply drawing her hand away.

"I'm sorry" he offered feeling so awful.

"Its fine" she hissed raising her hand to silence him and shaking her head.

"You're angry" he stated softly.

"No" she spat firmly.

"Kathryn please" Chakotay snapped. At his words she turned her face to him, her eyes wide and her heart pounding. When she looked at him she saw real regret at his words and real sorrow mixed with love. A love she hadn't seen in his eyes for a long time.

"I went to see you go" she told his as tears fell down her face at the memory of it "I was at your send off as you asked me to be"

"I know" he admitted. That sudden pain of the loss of that chance. Had he known she was there he would have gone to her.

"You do?" she was surprised and then saddened "why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't know then" he admitted regretfully "B'Elanna has only just told me" then Kathryn began to see the pieces fit together "had I known then I would have gone to you" hanging his head sorrowfully he asked her "why didn't you come to me?"

"Saying goodbye would have been too hard that way" she whispered as they stared into each other's eyes "and I was scared" she admitted and Chakotay could sense the pain in her voice "I thought you understood I didn't mean to lose the baby yet you were still angry"

"I'm sorry Kathryn" he too felt pain realising how much he had let go when he turned his back on her "I should never had been angry" he insisted "I should have tried to see your point of view"

"It doesn't matter now" she sighed with a weak smile. She was finding herself falling in love with him again.

"Will you forgive me?" he asked seriously. He needed to know he hadn't once again destroyed their friendship.

"I thought it was you who needed to forgive me" she whispered as tears fell streaming down her face.

"Kathryn don't cry" he whispered pulling her half limp body into a deep hug. As he pulled from her he brushed his lips softly against hers in a tiny tender kiss.


	14. Chapter 14

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Fourteen.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Sorry to all my readers for the delay, internet issues and life problems got in the way… but here it is now, back on track, thank you for all the great reviews and support!**

"Chakotay..." Kathryn found herself pulling away slowly. This wasn't right; this wasn't what she had wanted. How could they do this after all this time?

"It's ok Kathryn" Chakotay tried to softly reassure her by taking her working hand in his. She met his eyes and tried to offer a crooked smile as he ran his thumb over her knuckles.

"But I don't think I can do it again" she whispered firmly as her eyes filled with tears. All she had ever wanted was for him to love her again and now when he offered her that love she was pushing him away. She couldn't make any sense of it in her mind.

"What?" Chakotay ask unsure what she meant. Lifting his hand to her face and wiping away her falling tears.

"Lose you to Trebus" her voice was cracked and quivering slightly as she took a deep breath "I don't want to just have a quick kiss and then watch you walk away"

Chakotay felt pain for their separated relationship. "Kathryn its ok" Chakotay urged "I won't anywhere without you" he meant it. He had forced her away five years ago and had felt incomplete since. He wouldn't lose her again.

"But I thought you were happy on Trebus?" she questioned softly. She would never ask him to leave Trebus. Not for her after all this time.

"I am" he told her then closing his eyes and shaking his head he admitted "I was" Kathryn just looked really confused until he smiled and told her "Kathryn that was when I thought you wanted to end our relationship, when I thought you were unhappy with me" at this she turned from him in shame as he said "I went to Trebus because I didn't want to be near you"

"Oh" she spat out through gritted teeth "right"

"Kathryn" he sighed hanging his head. Spirits he loved this woman. He didn't want their lack of communication and miss understandings five years ago break them again.

"I think we should go" she said firmly as she began to struggle to put her coat back on.

He stood up from where he had been kneeling beside her and returned to the seat at the table opposite her. He didn't stop her trying to put her coat on but he didn't help her knowing full well she needed the help. After several times of unsuccessfully trying to slip her not working hand into the arm hole she swore loudly and slumped back in her chair. If Chakotay was honest that surprised him but he said very little about it. "Kathryn" he said gently reaching out seemingly to assist her but it was too late, he had removed what of the coat she had managed to get out before she realised what he was doing.

"Damn Chakotay take me home" she yelled slamming her hand on the table before her "now!"

"No" he said simply and calmly without taking his eyes from her.

"Please Chakotay" Kathryn whispered turning from him in shame, this is exactly what she had feared. She was helpless and hadn't seen this man in over five years. They didn't know each other anymore. She was breathing deeply and her body trembled but she knew she was stuck, there was nothing she could do.

"Kathryn its ok" Chakotay whispered "you know I won't hurt you." she didn't reply, he hadn't expected her to. "Please can I stay on your ranch?"

Kathryn stared at him. Her eyes were wide as she searched his face for sincerity. She saw in his eyes only deep love and concern. Raising an eyebrow she asked "why?"

Chakotay had expected to ask that. Reaching out across the table he took her hand in his and whispered "I gave up one love for another five years ago but being with you again has shown me how much I miss you. Kathryn please let me into your life again."

"Chakotay..." Kathryn whispered taking a deep breath and looking into his eyes her head was shaking but her face was smiling "you don't want to go back to Trebus"

"I have to go back" he nodded and she looked hurt. "My things are there, my dog" at that she laughed "but right at your side is where I want to be"

She smiled at him and asked "you would live on my ranch? A ranch funded by the pay I got for being captain of Voyager?" taking a deep breath she added "for completing the mission we have always known I was sent to do."

"I was wrong to say what I said Kathryn" Chakotay admitted.

Kathryn smiled at him and said with a slight shrug of her shoulders "my ranch is always open to anyone from Voyager. No of it is ever closed to the Voyager family, apart from my den, that's invite only"

Chakotay looked at her before he smiled. Slowly she reached out to give his hand a reassuring squeeze and she smiled "really Chakotay you're always welcome"

Chakotay smiled a beaming smile and whispered "well we better get you back or Sam will have me for keeping you out late."

Kathryn just snorted at him and shook her head with a crooked smile. Chakotay knew there was a long way to go, five years was a long time but he was sure he saw that spark in her. She was going to let him stay at her ranch, even if that meant he saw her once in a while, even if it meant she employed him as a work man he was happy and he would take it. He would see her well and happy again even if it was the last thing he did.


	15. Chapter 15

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Fifteen.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Sorry once again to all my readers for the delay, life got in the way… but here it is now, thank you for all the great reviews and support!**

He took a deep breath and stepped through the doors cradling a coffee mug in his hand. He knew he was taking a bit of a risk but still he did it. Three whole day's had passed since his little dinner date with her and he hadn't seen her since returning her to the sanctuary of her own home. He had been staying in her large manor house, hanging around in the mornings and evenings in the hope of maybe catching a glimpse of her but he had no luck there. He had wondered if that has been a deliberate thing on her part in the hope he would go away. Now she was not going to be very happy with him but if it got him close to her perhaps she wouldn't care in the end. Stepping inside she looked beautiful curled up on the sofa, she didn't even look up at his arrival. Taking a deep breath he knew he couldn't back out now so stepping forwards she said calmly "good morning" as he beamed at her as he placed a mug in front of her on the little glass coffee table.

Slowly she lowered her book and shifted in the sofa slightly to ask to get a better look at him without having to move from her rested lying down position. She hadn't screamed or thrown the book at him, that was a good sign Chakotay decided at he smiled down at her lying in her night wear "what's this?" she asked in a calm yet firm tone as she stared at him her brows drawn together.

He tugged just once on his ear and looked away slightly from her intense stare as he mumbled "coffee" in reply. Then he flashed dimpled smiled at her in the hope that this might help the situation.

Slowly she lowered her eyes to the offending object before flashing the blue orbs back up to look at him and saying in a dead pan voice "thank you commander I can see that" raising an eyebrow at his somewhat deflated expression she asked calmly "where is Sam?"

"I gave her the day off" he told her matter of flatly unsure how else he should respond to that he decided to go with the truth.

At his word her eyes went wide and a whole load of confused questions and worries flashed through her mind as well as the anger at his assumptions and out right unwanted presence in her private sanctuary first thing in the morning, had it not been Chakotay she might have felt somewhat violated but as it was she knew she could trust time. Though that didn't stop her anger towards him for what he had done "you did what?!" she was angry now and showing it. When she realised she had shouted she regretted it seeing the hurt look in his eyes, closing her eyes and setting her jaw she took in a deep breath before asking "why?"

Chakotay watched her for a second and then slowly took her hand, at first she stiffened at his touch but didn't pull away. Lowing her hand to the table he rested it on the mug of coffee he had brought and told her "drink up Kathryn" he leaned in and whispered "we're going out today."

"Oh _we_ are _we_?" she demanded in a sarcastic tone stressing 'we' as she said it "where are we going?"

Chakotay could see she wasn't happy, any lesser man who didn't know Kathryn Janeway might have run away but he had come too far for that now taking a deep breath he smiled "you'll see when we get there" came his simple reply.

She shot him her death glare before informing him in her deep voice trying to stay calm "I did not allow you to stay at the ranch in order for you to disrupt the already delicate system I have had for four and a half years" she was waving her hand about furiously which only saddened Chakotay, she hadn't even taken one sip from the drink he had brought her.

"Then why did you?" he challenged, maybe just a little out of hurt for her dismissive attitude, something she had not expected.

Stopping dead in her somewhat angry tirade she let her hand flop to her side as she softened slightly and added "because you asked" she told him meeting his eyes and he saw for the first time there tears filling the shining blue orbs "because my ranch is available to any of Voyagers crew" then her eyes sparkled as he hissed "all of it apart from the den" then it hit her, she still couldn't believe he had simply waltzed in her den and given Sam the day off like it didn't matter "so get the hell out!" she ordered in such a tone which let Chakotay know she meant it, this was a lot harder than he had thought.

Deciding to lighten the mood that had just descended in the room h teased her saying "or what you'll call security?"

Sadly for Kathryn that was one teasing just a little too much as he face contorted into near pain and she scoffed "or perhaps I'll do a running jump and karate kick you out" with that she tilted her head to look at him to show she wasn't happy.

Chakotay let out a growl realising what he had done he felt like he could just kick himself "sorry" he sighed looking at her with sorrow. There was a time when she could have karate kicked him.

She stared at him for just a second longer before she turned away and said calmly "close the door on the way out" she whispered fighting her urge to cry in front of him "and commander if you ever do come in here uninvited again I really will call security." with that she once more picked up the book she had been reading. She didn't quite know what she was going to do now for the rest of the day seen as how he had apparently given Sam the day off once again leaving her at his mercy but right now she didn't care, she just wanted him out her den.

She stared at her book not reading, he stared at her not moving. A standoff, who would back down first. Kathryn was angry and unrelenting though she knew deep down most of their relationship break up was her fault, he was at least trying to rebuild something but she couldn't get past her feelings of betrayal and shame that he only cared out of pity having arrived angry but having seen her in this state seemed to have softened a lot. Letting out a sad and genuine sigh Chakotay told her softly "I only wanted to surprise you with a nice trip out" then turning towards the door he added "I didn't mean to make you feel unsafe"

Kathryn shot her head up to look at him and nearly dropped her book at the shock of his words, he was the last person in the universe she would ever feel unsafe with, even in his angry rage "Chakotay I do not feel unsafe" she insisted firmly looking intently at him, had he not moved away she would have reached up to grab his hand "especially not around you" she smiled feebly "I hoped you would know that"

Smiling down at her he moved closer and pointed out "you want to call security"

"I don't like having my sanctuary invaded" she shrugged; this was the only kind of admittance or explanation he was going to get from her.

Tugging on his ear he added firmly "I'm not an invader" then in much sadder tone he replied "please Kathryn give me a day"

"I don't really have much choice do I?" she found herself snapping at him as she finally picked up the now Luke warm mug of coffee and told him "I'm at your mercy"

He stared at her for a second and then realised underneath all her cold annoyance she was giving him a chance. Breaking into a smile telling her warmly "I missed you"

Shooting him a sideways glance over her mug she told him "I have missed you too" then meeting his eyes and lowering the mug she asked calmly "three days ago you're asking me to give you a chance at a dinner date" her eyebrow raise "now you insist on taking me out for a day." A smile was playing on the corners of her mouth as she asked "are you trying to seduce me?"

"Drink up" she laughed.

"You are aware I can't dress myself?" she asked seriously and then quickly added while pointing at him "and don't you go getting any ideas! That is one thing I won't agree to"

"Nothing I haven't seen before" he remarked which earned him a death glare and he added "B'Elanna is on her way to help you"

Slightly shocked she nodded with a determined growl "oh so B'Elanna is in on it is she?"

"Are you going to make my being here hard?" he asked folding his arms at her.

"Maybe" she shrugged with a smile and a twinkle in her deep blue


	16. Chapter 16

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Sixteen.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Thank you all for the reviews, I read them all. Glad you like this story! It's plodding on nicely…**

**I did get one reviews with a question, normally I would reply with a PM but this was from a guest reviewer so I will reply here…. I was asked what happened to Sam's husband and daughter Naomi…. I am sure I mentioned early on in this story (which the reviewer admitted to having not read nor are they planning to read) that Naomi and her father live with Sam in their home close to Tom and B'Elanna's house on Kathryn's land. Sam only works for Kathryn as her support and aid; she does not live with her. Thanks.**

**Hope you enjoy this next chapter.**

In little over an hour and a half Kathryn once again found herself wrapped up warm and heading away from her ranch in B'Elanna's transport vehicle with only Chakotay for company "are we going on a long journey?" she endured looking out of the window at the passing tree's and not even bothering to look at him.

"No" he replied. There was a awkward silence which held between the two before Chakotay added "well longer than you have been in a few years" as soon as he had said it he felt bad, it hadn't meant to be a snide remark but he knew it would come across that way.

Kathryn's eyes slid shut before she told him "well that's not hard Chakotay" then finally she shifted in the chair to look at him sat next to her, his eyes firmly on the road "I haven't been further than the gardens in four years" she a crooked smile played on her lips as she added "except the other day when you took me for lunch"

He turned to her quickly and flashed his dimples at her saying truthfully "thank you for coming" before he quickly turned back to look at the road.

Kathryn watched him for a minute in silence, she too was smiling "it was nice" she told him truthfully, she had never quite known how or why but this man never stopped having an effect on her, she was at peace with him, a peace she hadn't felt since she gave him his ring back five years ago.

Chakotay didn't know why but this woman had never stopped having an effect on him and he knew her there was something more, "but?" he questioned softly.

"No buts Chakotay" she told him firmly, her brows drawn together, her eyes and unusually shining blue.

Keeping his eyes firmly on the road he told her gently "there is always a but with you Kathryn" one eyebrow raised, her lips pursed together before she turned right from him and looked out the window.

After sometime she sighed and allowed herself to admit "but I don't think I would do that every week"

"You're frightened" Chakotay remarked much to her disgust.

"no I am not" she insisted though she knew deep down she was, she knew he knew but never would she admit it, not to him, not now.

"Yes you are" he replied straight to the point, not even looking at her.

In a very commanding captain's tone she asked him "how did you come to this conclusion?"

Not backing down and not afraid to answer her he told her "you're frightened to leave that little sanctuary of yours"

Kathryn sat and stared out the window, she didn't want to admit it but he was right "if you hadn't noticed it's not exactly easy for me to go anywhere" she growled in a slightly annoyed voice, something that Chakotay didn't miss.

Smiling at her he said softly "that's why I am taking you out" she only glanced at him before turning back to stare out the window at the passing scenery. Watching her Chakotay signed softly and asked "Kathryn you do know that B'Elanna or Sam or one of the others would have taken you out?"

"Maybe I didn't want them too" she growled back in response, defiantly one he had not expected.

"Have you been happy Kathryn?" he asked her seriously "spending the last four and a half years trapped in your own home?"

Kathryn let the silence linger between them as she tried to decide how best to answer his direct, yet softly asked question. Slowly she turned and looked at him as he continued to drive her further from that sanctuary, she knew she never could hide anything from this man when he was an active part in her life, why would now be any different "it's what life is like for me" she smiled a half smile telling him in the best convincing voce she could "it's ok"

"Kathryn" Chakotay said her name so lovingly her heart nearly stopped as he turned to look at her seriously and saying "I want to see you live again, to see you happy"

She met his eyes as she stared at him, she suddenly felt unsure what to do, and her eyes were flooding with tears, tears she thought she had long cried. Letting her eyes slide shut she took a large intake of breath and insisted "I am happy Chakotay"

Chakotay knew when he was beat, he knew she would say little more to him. Turning back to the road he sat back and let her tears silently fall. Kathryn wondered if he would say anything else but she really didn't feel she could be the one to say any more. Just when the silence had dragged on just a little too long he asked gently "do you know what day it is in three days?"

"Of course I do" she shot back at him turning her head to face him, her cheeks still damp with tears.

"Well?" he prompted.

"Christmas day" she replied as a fresh wave of tears threatened to fall. She kept her eyes firmly looking out the window taking deep breaths and fighting the urge to cry.

"Exactly" he said almost smugly.

"your point?" she growled firmly and slowly not even looking at him, she could sense where this was going and she wasn't sure she was ready to face it, not with him, not then and certainly not away from her ranch.

"you forget how well I know you Kathryn" he told her softly in his deep yet calm voice which Kathryn knew he had only reserved for her "I know you love Christmas" then with a dimpled smile and the hint of a laugh in his voice he added "it was quite the holiday for Kathryn Janeway on Voyager"

"It's ok" she shrugged keeping her eyes firmly looking out the window.

"Just another day?" he added casually finning in what he knew she was going to say even though he knew that wasn't how she really felt. She might have managed to settle for second best, a life half lived over these last five years but now he was back, now he was with her there was absolutely no way he was about to let her do that.

"no" she sighed knowing she could never fool Chakotay with that "but it's not quite what it used to be" then she gave that half a laugh she always did when she wanted to change the subject and turned to him with her crooked smile and asked hurriedly "anyway what about Christmas for you?" sinking into her chair like she was about to hear a story she asked "what is it like on Trebus?"

"We don't celebrate Christmas" he reminded her casually. Though a hint of a smile was playing on his lips. He tapped a few commands into the console in front of his on the vehicle and carried on staring out the front window.

"Oh" she nodded feeling like she could kick herself, of course she knew that, why did she forget that. He had embraced Christmas while on Voyager and on Earth with her because he had known how much it meant to her and many of the human members of the crew but that didn't mean that it was ever a festival that he himself celebrated.

Chakotay flashed his beautiful dimpled smile at her and told her "but I did, I decorated my house, it stands out throughout the whole of Trebus."

Kathryn's blue eyes sparkled as she asked "you did?" her own radiant smile playing across her lips.

"Yes" he laughed a deep hearty laugh, a real laugh which if Kathryn was being completely honest she had missed it "I had a Christmas tree and all" he told her looking deep into her eyes. As their eyes met his smile faltered, something Kathryn noticed and so in turn so did hers. There was a silent moment of passion and emotion between the two before he broke it buy turning back to the front view screen and trying to sound casual as he told her "I suppose it made me feel I still had just a little bit of you"

"Me?" she asked, a spark of surprise and confusion playing across her voice.

Nodding slowly Chakotay said "I could never forget our first Christmas together" his voice was rich a deep and held so much emotion, that much Kathryn could see but what that emotion was she couldn't quite tell. She had thought of him often, what he was doing? Was he well? Was e happy? And worst of all had he married? If she was admitting her emotions to herself she very much regretted leaving him and she was still deeply in love with him. Kathryn had never imagined he would come back, let alone wish to pursue some kind of friendship when he did come back.

"on Voyager?" she asked trying to think back to that time a year into their journey when she had insisted he helped decorate her ready room with season decorations while she impressed upon him very important need for Christmas, of course he had smiled all the way through doing this and then admitted he would be willing to give it a go.

"No since we got home" he said slowly, her eyebrow raised, he knew he might as well say it not, he had nothing to hide turning to her he added "the day you agreed to be my wife"

"A rash decision" she spat out before she even thought through what she was saying.

"I see" he replied bluntly, not even trying to hide his obvious hurt.

"oh Chakotay..." she said in such a loving soft voice it actually shocked him as she rested her tiny gentle hand on his arm "I didn't mean that" he told him with honesty in her voice "not the way it sounded" she told him giving his bicep a squeeze "I'm sorry"

"it's ok" he turned to her looking deep in her eyes, shocked to actually see her barriers braking down and a glimmer of compassion and love spread across her face "maybe your right" he told her not taking his compassionate eyes from hers "we agreed to marry within days of returning to earth when we didn't even know each other very well"

He held his gaze before letting her hand flop to her said as she whispered in the deep husky voice he missed so much "we knew each other well Chakotay, too well that was the problem" turning from him she smiled wistfully "we were given the chance to live again" leaning her head back in her chair she finally relaxed to be whizzing along the open road on this morning drive with Chakotay she pointed out "a chance to have what we couldn't have in the delta quadrant"

Chakotay dared a glaze at the tiny woman relaxing out next to him in the transport vehicle "you made a fine admiral I was proud of you that day" he told her seriously "so very proud of you"

Slowly she raised her head from the back headrest but looked straight ahead not at him as admitted painfully "I continued to follow a dream knowing it would keep me from you"

"As did I" Chakotay reminded her "I should never have expected you to give up everything and come to live in a half destroyed wilderness with me" his voice was firm and honest.

Tilting her head she thought over what he had just said before she admitted "I should have been more willing" then with a twinkle in her eyes she added "I could have gotten used to roughing it" Chakotay began to chuckle slightly which caused him to shoot him a death glare before demanding "what's so funny?"

Trying hard to keep the smile from his face he tugged on his ear lobe letting Kathryn know he was embarrassed before she admitted "I made you a bath tub"

"What?" she almost shrieked suddenly very confused before pointing out "I already have one"

"no on Trebus I made you one" now his smile was gone as he met her wide and yet still shining blue eyes as he clarified "I convicted myself you would come to be with me" she still was staring at him making him feel suddenly ashamed "I made a bath tub to make your journey lighter" he added quickly turning from her.

"You thought I come to you?" she asked not even bothering to keep the surprise out her voice.

"I had hoped" he admitted turning back to her to see her response was not one of anger or condemnation but of genuine shock and surprise of his words, mixed with a soft compassionate love.

"Sorry" she sighed finally.

"Don't be" he said hurriedly turning his attention quickly back to the road wishing he hadn't ever said anything.

"Chakotay..." she said slowly after some time had passed but she couldn't quite get all her sentence out and she turned one again form him.

"Yes?" he replied softly hoping to give her the space she clearly needed.

"the other day when we kissed…" she once again began but once again broke off when she suddenly realised she didn't quite know how to say or ask what she was really feeling.

"yes?" he prompted calmly knowing sooner or later they were going to have to face that, maybe now was better as she brought it up not him.

"Why did you do that?" she asked, there was no accusation in her voice only concern and love.

Closing his eyes Chakotay admitted calmly "Kathryn I miss you"

"So you kissed me" she stated trying to clarify his meaning.

"I rash decision" was all Chakotay could think to say, mirroring her statement from before.


	17. Chapter 17

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Seventeen.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

they had happily been traveling along in silence in each other's company for another half hour or so until Chakotay abruptly broke the silence by announcing "I think she should stop for a break" as he turned to her and look her broken body up and down.

Kathryn turned to him wide eyed and asked surprised "what why?" she had no reason to believe they had reached their destination, where ever that was, and if they weren't going on a long drive there was no need for a break.

"your uncomfortable" he told her in a matter of fact casual tone to which she looked at him with an eyebrow raised she knew he was referring to her physical wellbeing and she didn't want to admit her limitations, least of all to him.

"I'm fine" she replied in such a deep voice Chakotay knew she wasn't fine.

Turning the vehicle into a side road he parked up and tapped in some commands before sitting back and telling her "no you're not"

Closing her eyes in frustration she pursed her lips tight together before telling him "ok a little but I can handle it"

"I am sure you can" he assured her seriously before looking at her with concern evident in his eyes and saying "that's not my point"

Turning from him in an effort to hide her pain and try and keep some dignity "so what is your point?" she almost growled at him in demand.

Softly he told her "I didn't take you out to be uncomfortable" his voice was rich and sincere and full of so much love.

Now Kathryn didn't just feel ashamed she felt angry and frustrated. Since Chakotay's unannounced return she had often wondered what he thought of her now and how after all they had been through together it had come down to that. Waving him aside she shook her head telling him in the best command tone she could "it's just a by-product of the accident" she knew while it might be true it as an excuse was weak and feeble. Looking around out the window at where she was she saw a stream looking beautiful in the crisp winter air, what was he planning on doing? Taking a stroll? Tears began to fill her eyes as she thought for composure keeping her back firmly to him.

Slowly he reached out and placed his copper skinned palm on her shoulder before asking softly "what happened Kathryn?" he had wanted to sound gentle but after he had spoken he regretted how firm he sounded.

"I told you" she found herself replying firmly still not even looking at him.

"I know there was a crash you were crushed under the hull" he said gently watching her response still with his hand resting on her shoulder "but what were you doing?" his voice was soft and loving as he asked "why did it take so long for Starfleet to come to rescue you?"

Kathryn froze, her eyes suddenly wide, she knew this question might come but she had wished it wouldn't be just yet. How could she tell him? How could she explain to him? Waving her had furiously in his direction she muttered "it doesn't matter anymore Chakotay"

"Yes it does" Chakotay pressed feeling slightly annoyed that she would simply brush him aside that way. It was almost like she didn't care.

"Why?" she demanded. Her death glare was out as was her best command tone. She was warning him to drop the subject and he knew it, which only made him question further. He could tell she had something to hide.

"It matters to me" Chakotay said firmly but as Kathryn shot her death glare at him she saw he was talking to her from a place of deep love and compassion.

"But why?" she asked him as her blue eyes looked at him and she suddenly found herself fearing the answer.

Chakotay held her eyes with his; she was hiding something and trying to throw him off course and he was determined to find out what it was "it breaks my heart knowing your broken and injured this way" he told her cupping her face in his hand "I want to know what it was for"

Closing her eyes she saw she had no choice but to say something and so she told him "I was ordered to command a transport vessel"

Chakotay knew she was trying to put him off, trying to brush him aside hoping to say just a little to satisfy him "transporting what?" he asked firmly showing her he wouldn't back down "to where?" he seriously wanted to know, what was so worth it she walked away so injured.

"There was a lot of fall out after the war" she told him holding his eyes as she took a large intake of breath "the federation was in pieces"

Of course he knew that, he and his people were some of the worst to suffer. There was more she wasn't saying, he was going to get to the bottom of this "what's that got to do with you?" he demanded letting her know he wasn't backing down.

Closing her eyes she took in an intake of breath and told him "the federation needed somebody of superior rank who the people looked up to and who hadn't been personally influenced by the war"

Confused he looked at her with his brows drawn together and told her slowly "but every admiral in the fleet had been influenced in some way" as soon as he said it he realised what he was saying.

"Except the one stranded in the delta quadrant at the time" Kathryn nodded confirming what was already flashing through his mind.

"They used you?" he said bluntly sounding annoyed. They both knew it was the truth he clearly wasn't happy and Kathryn was just wishing she didn't have to say any more.

"They gave me an assignment" she shrugged hoping it would be enough "I took it"

"Which was?" Chakotay pressed grabbing her hand and leaning in. She was hiding something and he was not going to let her.

Kathryn knew there was no way out of this. He wasn't backing down. The only thing she could do now was tell him. She turned to him and met his eyes, hers began to fill with tears as she told him "to offer those in charge of the rebuild efforts in the Devron system an offer they couldn't refuse"

It took Chakotay a second to take in what she had just told him. She sat and watched his face turn from deep compassion to confusion and then as he understood betrayal and hurt became evident on his face "a bribe?" he spat, anger rising as he back from her and looked full of so much pain.

"It wasn't just the people of the federation they needed to trust this admiral" she said as tears filled her eyes. He would never understand as she admitted "it was the commander in charge of the rebuild based on her

Trebus"

His eyes darkened as he realised the perfect plan, use her, they knew he would trust her "what were you going to offer me admiral?" he hissed "what were your bribes to force me back into line" she could tell he was raging and she wasn't about to stop him as she concluded "to force me to turn Trebus back over to the federation"

"They weren't my bribes Chakotay" Kathryn insisted sadly "they were the federations"

"And you were the puppet who agreed to lead me and my people to the slaughter" he was angry and she could tell. His voice was deep, his eyes gravely dark "what was it Kathryn? Hospitals? schools?" then he almost snarled "food?" they both knew the Devron system was desperately in need of all of them and that the federation as it was would take advantage of that but if Chakotay was honest he had never expected Kathryn to be the one to do it.

"you needed help" she told him as tears fell down her face desperately trying to defend what she had done "you were and on accounts still are a Starfleet commander" she wasn't Starfleet any more she knew she could never say what she was really doing but she did say more than she might have. "Starfleet let you go because it got rid of their maquis problem"

"They wanted to be seen to help us" Chakotay scoffed seeing what he thought was the truth behind her words.

"They knew you would never agree" Kathryn sighed "I knew you wouldn't and I told them as much"

"So why put yourself out?" Chakotay snapped at her, once again his hurt and bitter anger flaring.

"Maybe I just wanted to see you Chakotay" it certainly wasn't the reply he had expected "to see Trebus"


	18. Chapter 18

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Eighteen. **

**By Hopping Hamster.**

Kathryn once again found herself shifting in her seat. She couldn't decide if it was due to her body being unable to be sat in the same position for long periods of time of it was because Chakotay was now staring intently at her. She kept her body turned away from his scrutiny but she knew his eyes were bearing into her. As he watched her shift again he sighed and disengaged the engines thus fully parking up before saying "come on"

As he stood Kathryn spun in her chair to look at him before she gasped "where are we going?"

Looking at her with that old compassionate smile he told her gently "a stroll"

Kathryn looked horrified as she glanced out the window before her the river path stretching urging people to stroll along its banks for centuries. Kathryn had half expected his fury to continue once she had explained what she had been doing that fateful day five years ago but instead he looked sad and full of pain. As he turned to move out of the now open door on his side of the vehicle she opened her mouth to protest but he jumped down and shut the door before she could say anything else. Feeling slightly annoyed and deflated at that she groaned and watched as he walked round the front of the vehicle to open the door on her side. Frustrated she waited for him to open the door before she issued her protests.

Holding out an arm he met her eyes firmly. When she refused to take his arm he asked "are you planning to sit in there all day getting more and more uncomfortable?"

She shot him a death glare before scowling and announcing "I wasn't planning on going anywhere but you left me no choice" then without even waiting for a reply she took his arm and awkwardly got into a standing position as snapped "I hope you weren't planning in going very far very fast"

"Not too far, and we have all the time you need" he replied with a soft twinkle in his voice which sort of added to Kathryn deflated her protests. When he saw she wasn't going to protest further he secured an arm more firmly around her before telling her "you know I did leave you a choice, you could have said no"

That just earned him a dirty look before she stood as tall as she could and snapped "well lead the way"

Flashing his dimples at her he shook his head and helped her to walk. Kathryn wasn't about to admit it felt good, real good to be out in the fresh air, arm in arm with the man she was still very much in love with. A soft winter breeze blowing through her hair. She flashed her blue eyes up for where she had been watching her awkward feet and dared to take a look at the beautiful stream flowing out before her. A smile began to play across her face as she stopped still and closed her eyes taking in the brisk chill of the fresh air.

"Are you ok Kathryn?" Chakotay asked softly fearing she might be in pain or something.

Quickly her head shot round and her eyes opened to look at him "I'm fine Chakotay" she told him once again looking around at the beautiful snow covered stream "it's just been a while" she admitted "since I was out like this"

Chakotay was so close he could feel her heart beat as he held her up. "Kathryn" he said softly as he watched her "if you wanted to see me, to see trebus you could have come on a civilian transport, you didn't have to play the role of Starfleet bribery"

Slowly she hung her head and admitted "I know. Maybe I should have, but I suppose it was an excuse, a reason"

Chakotay looked deep into her eyes and told her seriously "Kathryn, you never need a reason or an excuse to visit me"

Their hearts beat in unison as she held his eyes. She began to lean into him as he responded in kind before she quickly pulled away and commented on the beauty of the snow.

Closing his eyes in frustration he followed her line of vision and asked "do you like it here?"

Kathryn's mouth curled into a gentle smile as he felt her lean into him for support as she told him "it's very beautiful Chakotay, where are we?"

"Not far from San Francisco" he admitted wrapping his supportive hands around her shoulders pulling her into him from behind, he was surprised how thin she was as he held her tight to him in the cold where they stood.

"San Francisco?" she questioned with raised eyebrows "as in Starfleet?" she really didn't want anything to do with Starfleet anymore, she had walked away a long time ago, she just hoped he would understand that.

"we're not going to Starfleet" he reassured her "but there is very little I know of earth, my only time here was at the academy" slowly she turned to him and sighed "Kathryn?" he pressed trying to understand what was wrong.

"I was just thinking" she told him in a deep sad voice "If I wasn't so injured I would take you to Indiana, I would show you France, and we could ride camels in the Egyptian desert…."

Taking her injured hand for the first time he was surprised to see how freely and without pain he could raise her arm yet he had not once seen her use it, giving the clearly smashed palm a kiss he told her "Kathryn, I still think we can do those things, see those things, if that's what you want?"

"I want you to stay with me" she told him looking out at the water "here on earth." Chakotay was surprised at the sudden admission, up until then she had been acting as if she didn't care less where he was, he knew maybe he only had himself to blame, the way he had treated her and the things he had said upon his arrival a few days ago were unforgiveable.


	19. Chapter 19

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Nineteen. **

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Sorry for the delay, some personal things got in the way of me updating. I hope you enjoy this next part. Thanks.**

"Kathryn?" Chakotay asked. He was completely surprised by the sudden request and he wasn't ashamed to show that surprise because if he was honest it worried him that she would suddenly change her attitude the way she had.

Kathryn turned away in shame "forget it" she brushed him off waving her working hand in his direction suddenly embarrassed and unsure by his confused indifferent reaction. "I would never ask you to give up your dreams for me" turning back to him she tilted her head and tears came to her eyes as she added quickly and softly "you should know that by now"

Chakotay reached out to cup her face in his hand to offer support "Kathryn." He whispered looking into her tear filled eyes "I once thought trebus was my dream" letting his hand flop down he shook his head and whispered "and maybe in many ways it still is" at that Kathryn wished she hadn't said anything and so was very surprised when he said "but not if I lose the woman I fell in love with twelve years ago"

Her blue eyes widened as she tried to take in what he was saying. "What?" her deep husky voice crooked out as she looked at him. Letting her eyes flop shut she whispered "Chakotay what we had, we had" her jaw was set but her mind was confused and unsure of what she wanted "our love wasn't without complication" she told him hoping he would see the dangers of even trying a possible relationship.

Chakotay let out a long breath and turned from her trying to control the anger he was now feeling for her. As he looked out at the beautiful stream of water before him he asked "so it wasn't real?" he almost growled as he tried to keep steady and keep him emotions in check.

Kathryn was shocked he could ask that, she wasn't sure how could think she would think that. "Of course it was Chakotay, more real than anything I have ever felt" her voice was soft and sure, Chakotay knew she was telling the truth. He knew that behind her hard composed face there was a truly beautiful and loving woman. Chakotay turned to look at her and sure the love and honesty shining from her eyes.

Stepping closer to him he placed a steady hand on her shoulder and made her look at him as he asked steadily "but?"

She met his eyes, she knew he wanted and deserved the truth so she gave it to him "but that was a long time ago" she said in such a sad voice he was sure she didn't want it to stay that way as she finished "in a different time, a different place"

Chakotay saw the love flash through her eyes as she looked at him, he knew it was real, because of that he had to know, he wanted to hear her say it, hear her deny her love for him and so he asked softly "you don't love me?"

Kathryn turned slowly to look at him, her eyes unusually blue as she whispered in her deep voice he knew she reserved only for him "Chakotay" placing her hand softly on his chest she added "I care a great deal for you"

"But you don't love me?" he pressed ignoring her tenderness and demanding her answer again.

She set her jaw and let her hand flop from him back down to her side as she added "I don't I think I do, not any more" her words were not warm and soft they were cold and straight to the point, Chakotay could tell it wasn't really how she felt she just was trying to force herself to say it, for what reason Chakotay didn't know.

He was looking at her suspiciously, unsure why she would say she didn't love him when he could tell that she did, very much "you've never said it Kathryn" he said in a deep yet calm voice holding her eyes with his. She looked at him challenging him to challenge her. "You couldn't then and you can't now" he added firmly with a hurt look in his eyes.

Kathryn drew her brows together in confusion; she couldn't work out what he meant or where this was going. She was suddenly wishing she hadn't asked him to stay "said what?" she demanded a little more forceful than she had hoped.

"Do you know Kathryn" Chakotay said trying to sound casual "I have never once heard you say you love me" once he had told her that she looked at him with even more compassion and softness in her eyes.

"Chakotay..." she whispered looking into his eyes and once again placing her hand on his chest but her voice trailed off into nothing as she realised he was hoping she might say it to him.

With a heavy sigh Chakotay turned from her and stated sadly "you can't can you?"

"Don't push me into a corner please" she begged as tears once again mounted in her eyes "let's just enjoy the day we have" with that she gave him a weak smile and continued to walk awkwardly along the streams bank.

Chakotay let out a heavy sigh before joining her at her side and taking her arm and helping her to walk as he said calmly "and yet you ask me to stay in earth"

Kathryn who was now pretending to be very interested in the wildlife of the stream as she told him "you're a free man Chakotay go where ever you want"

Chakotay took her elbow firmly in his hand making her stop walking and forcing her to look at him as he told her "I want to go where you want me"

"I want you to be happy" she said reaching up to his face and stroking his cheeks with the tips of her fingers "five years ago we gave up what might have been so we can both live a happier life."

Chakotay raised his hand to encase her fingers in his hand as he asked "have you been happy?" she tried to pull her hand away but he wouldn't let her go.

She admitted with a heavy sigh as her eyes stayed locked on to his. Chakotay couldn't mistake the love he saw there "I've been content knowing you were happy" she told him truthfully with a small wistful smile. As Chakotay looked down into her eyes he couldn't ignore the love that he saw there.

Cupping her face in her other hand he told her "I wasn't really happy not without you" he was sure she would try to pull away and when she did he let her.

"Chakotay look" she sighed in her deep husky voice "this place is beautiful"

"yes" he agreed with his own heavy sigh, he knew she loved him, he knew she wanted him to stay, and he would but something in her wouldn't admit it "come on" he shrugged as he decided the best course of action would be to continue on the walk he had planned.

Kathryn knew he wanted to talk further on the request she had hastily asked but also knew he couldn't push her. Maybe they should just enjoy the walk after all with a smile she took his hand for support and said "I can't believe I never knew this place during my academy days"

"Not many people did" he admitted with his full dimpled smile.

Kathryn's head spun round to look at them as they walked slowly at her awkward pace, and she gave him a slight nudge and she laughed "maybe that's why you liked it so much"

"Maybe" he smiled letting his eyes lock with hers. Her heart beat faster as she looked up at him, somehow she realised she was not going to be able to ignore her love for him for much longer, soon they would have to face it and when that time came she really would ask him to stay with her and he knew it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty. **

**By Hopping Hamster.**

As Chakotay helped Kathryn back into his transport vehicle thirty minutes later after a lovely stroll along the river where their talk was mainly about the wildlife and scenery Kathryn smiled a warm smile up at him with her blue eyes showing a relaxed joy about them "thanks for the walk" she said softly giving his hand a soft squeeze before realising it to place her own hand on her lap.

"I am glad you liked it" he smiled a warm dimpled smile as he looked down where she sat. He lent in and planted a gentle kiss on her cheek before pulling away and closing the door before she could protest.

As he settle into the driving seat next to her she watched him start up the controls "now where?" she asked trying her best to sound casual but the need and urgency in her voice wasn't missed by Chakotay, she didn't like not being in control and he guessed the accident had meant that she had lost a fair amount of control and she was desperate to keep some.

"To our final destination" he whispered in a gentle deep voice as he started up the car and backed out onto the open road not daring to look at the annoyed expression he knew she was now giving him.

"You do realise it's nearly lunch time" she growled at him in annoyance.

Chakotay had to laugh "of course" he told her through his laughter, there had been countless times over the years he had tried to force her to eat when she had been unwilling, now she seemed to be annoyed with him for no giving her lunch. Kathryn merely scowled and turned away knowing she would get nothing more out of him now.

It wasn't all that long later when Chakotay pulled up on a side street on San Francisco and shut down the engine before turning and glancing at his companion. A smile crept across his face she looked so beautiful, so peaceful, so content and safe. He wanted to reach out and stroke her hair from where t had fallen over her relaxed face but he knew that was crossing a line. He suddenly felt a wash of peace fill himself as he realised she clearly felt safe with him there like that, safe enough to fall asleep beside him in his care. Slowly he reached out and stroked her arm gently "Kathryn" he whispered leaning in saying in a gentle tender voice "darling wake up"

"What?!" Her blue eyes shot open, suddenly her smooth and content sleeping face filled with lines of worry and distress filled her beautiful face once again. He took her face steadily in his hands forcing her to look at him. She let out a gasp as her confused eyes locked with his "Chakotay?"

"Shhh its ok" he reassured her letting his thumbs run softly over her cheeks. As her eyes filled with tears he told her softly and steadily "you fell asleep"

"What?" she gasped in utter surprise forcing herself to sit up. It was an awkward manoeuvre but one she had gotten used to in the last five years.

As she looked around he placed a hand on her shoulder "It's ok" he whispered. He watched her face as she seemed to get her bearings and her muscles visibly relaxed under his hand. "Your beautiful when your asleep" he told her with a beaming dimpled smile "you always were" he added with a soft caress of her cheek.

She looked at him with such compassion and love in her eyes she didn't want to pull away, nor did he. Finally she reached up and took his hand in hers and lowered it as she asked firmly "Well where are we?"

As though coming from a trance he looked out the window and told her "in San Francisco" she followed his line of vision the stare at the busy city street they were now parked in.

"What?" she gasped, she hadn't been here since her resignation of Starfleet, this city was not somewhere she had ever wanted to visit again. She had given half her life to Starfleet and now she was a useless invalid, a hindrance to anyone who stayed with her, San Francisco was the last place in the entire universe she wanted to be.

Chakotay had wanted to be reassuring as he placed a hand on her shoulder and said proudly "in the heart of the city" she turned to him slowly, her death glare on full show.

Through her set jaw and gritted teeth she demanded "so where are we going?"

"For coffee" he smiled "real coffee" with that he opened the door and jumped out the vehicle once again before she could say anything. As he opened the door on her side he reached out a hand to help her down saying "come on"

She cautiously placed her hand in his and let him help her to a standing position. As soon as she stood and looked up at the building before her she knew exactly where she was, she had been there countless times before "the night owl" she whispered as she turned her wide blue eyes to him. Thais was a bad idea, a very bad idea. What exactly was he doing? "Chakotay…." She whispered turning to him but she couldn't quite finish her sentence as all her emotions filled her mind. Her eyes filled with tears as she remembered countless memories in this quaint little establishment dating back as far as her childhood.

"Indulge me" Chakotay smiled wiping the tears from her face with his fingertips, giving a light kiss on her cheek. Before she knew where she was she was being led into the beautiful little coffee shop she knew so well.

As she and Chakotay made their way to the counter the bar tender nearly dropped the glass mug he was drying with a towel as he gapped open mouthed at her before seemingly getting himself together and asking "Katie?" with than the short, plump elderly man hurried around the bar to stand in front of her "Katie my dear it is you"

"Barry" she smiled warmly as the small man approached her. Chakotay was watching her; she was suddenly looked free and relaxed before this old man.

He drew her into a hug seemingly not aware of her injuries and laughed a hearty laugh as he drew away telling her "I worried you had gotten yourself lost again"

"no Barry I just live out in the country now" she smiled a soft awkward smile as she tightened her grip on Chakotay who was doing a fine job at helping her stand upright without making it obvious what he was doing "I don't get over to the city much" Kathryn finished with a warm smile at the small older man.

He looked her up and down for a long second before smiling seemingly happy with her explanation before asking "Are you here to hear young Harry's Keynote speech"

"What?" Kathryn almost blurted out shocked and suddenly frightened, of course she was happy Harry's Starfleet career was saving him well but sitting in headquarters with the brass was not her idea of a fun day out with a long lost friend.

"That Mr Kim who served on your ship" Barry told her cautiously looking from the now horrified Kathryn to the concerned Chakotay stood just beside her. He had never met this man before but somehow he didn't like the way he held close to her. Deciding to continue with his explanation Barry added "he's giving the keynote speech on the Delta Quadrant this evening at Starfleet Head Quarters"

"No" Kathryn gasped a horrified plea that neither men missed. Her eyes were wide with fear as she looked at Chakotay and grabbed his shirt in her fist "Chakotay tell me no" she begged in horror.

"no Kathryn" He whispered deeply into her eyes before taking her trembling hand in his and kissing her palm saying firmly and softly "I promise" He looked up at the now concerned looking small man, at the mention of her companion's name he was on alert. The tanned skinned man has handsome he would give him that. "Ms Janeway and I are just visiting the city for a few hours" Chakotay smiled a dimpled smile addressing Barry "I am afraid we will miss Harry's address"

Barry could tell he was covering up something but what he didn't know. Narrowing his eyes at the tall man holding on to Kathryn he hissed in a semi polite manner "Shame"

Kathryn suddenly noticed the tension mounting between the two men and so in an effort to defuse them she places a delicate hand on Chakotay's chest saying with a warm smile "Oh err Barry you remember me telling you about Commander Chakotay of Trebus" Barry simply nodded not taking his eyes from Chakotay, his jolly smiling had long since subsided "Chakotay Barry, Barry has been running this place since long before my academy day's" she looked between the two men and saw Barry was still hostile to her date and sighed as she added "since long before my academy days, he was here when my father was still alive, Daddy used to drop me off here at the night owl in Barry's care if he had business at headquarters"

Chakotay kept eye contact with the seemingly hostile man as he hissed "I remember you saying"

Barry stepped forward to match Chakotay's glare saying "Commander Chakotay I must say it is a surprise to see you and dear Kathryn arm in arm"

Kathryn shifted herself between the two men and snapped at Barry "Chakotay is visiting from Trebus; we had a Voyager reunion the other night"

"I see" Barry hissed steeping back behind his bar and returning to drying his glass.

Kathryn sighed slightly thankful the situation was defused as she looked around the room for her usual seat and was pleased to see it was free "well now that we are all properly acquainted I think I'll take my usual seat"

"Certainly Katie" Barry smiled but his smile faltered as he saw how awkward she moved and why Chakotay had to hold on to her. Deciding not to be fazed the old man pushed Chakotay out of the way and insisted "allow me" Chakotay nodded and waited by the bar as Kathryn and her old friend moved towards a beautiful secluded table by the window.

Chakotay took the opportunity to look around as he waited for the bar tender to return. It was a minute or so before the older man moved up behind him and hissed "you had better look after her Commander I have known Katie Janeway for a long time" Slowly Chakotay turned to look into the face of the older man, he was about to say something but Barry cut across him saying "you hurt her very badly when you walked away"

Chakotay asked stiffly "Mr erm?" waving in his direction.

The small man took in a deep breath and pushed out his already unusually large belly saying angrily "Goodwin, Barry Goodwin"

Chakotay nodded respectfully at him as he added "well Mr. Goodwin I am sure Kathryn appreciates your concern but I assure you I would never cause her any harm"

Barry folded his arms and hissed angrily "Well she was heartbroken the day you left for trebus, she came here in a right state, I have never seen her so distressed" trying to keep his voice down as to maintain Kathryn's privacy and not to cause a riot in his own establishment.

"we have all made mistakes Mr. Goodwin" Chakotay told him firmly "I am not proud of leaving her and I regret that choice very much but Kathryn has been gracious enough to give me another chance" Barry looked as though he wanted to say more but a glance at Kathryn made him reconsider, she had hoped this day would come when this man would come back to her, he wasn't about to mess it up for her turning back to Chakotay he looked expecting at him and the native American nodded and added "now please, Coffee black I am sure you know how she likes it, and I'll take a herbal tea. Thank you" Barry nodded and turned to make the drinks. Handing them to the taller man he met his eyes firmly and Chakotay said politely "do excuse me"

"Of course Commander" Barry managed to spit out in his attempt to be cordial.

He watched as Chakotay took large, firm strides towards where Kathryn sat and placed the drink's on the table before her "What was that?" she asked softly nodding her head towards where Barry stood watching them.

"what was what?" Chakotay asked casually taking the seat next to her so he too could look out of the large window.

Kathryn watched her friend trying to look so innocent and indifferent before she laughed and demanded softly "what did he say to you?"

Chakotay placed both his hands flat on the table before him, a sure sign to Kathryn he was trying to calm his nerves as he added "I think Mr. Goodwin likes to play protective father"

"Oh ignore him" Kathryn whispered placing her hand on his hand nearest to her and planting a sudden and unexpected kiss on his cheek "he's been a family friend for many years"


	21. Chapter 21

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty One.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

Chakotay watched as Kathryn slowly one headedly lifted her mug of coffee from the table where Chakotay had placed it before her. A dimpled smile crept across his face, the great Kathryn Janeway seriously injured, unable to dress herself but seemingly having no trouble getting a nice warm mug of black coffee to her lips.

"Do you always smirk at the girls you're on a date with?" she hissed without even looking at him after she had taken in the delicious flavour and inhaled it's long missed sent.

"No" Chakotay said quickly wiping the smile from his face "but you and coffee together are beautiful" he added quickly by way of explanation. As Kathryn turned to him and opened her mouth to reply he cut in saying smugly "So a date is it? You and I?"

Kathryn's mouth closed and her eyes narrowed before she quickly turned back to look out at the view before he in the large glass window "what made you bring me to _The Night Owl_?" she asked in that deliciously husky voice she kept only for Chakotay when she wanted to drive him insane with desire.

Chakotay gulped, she was flirting with him, really flirting, now he couldn't decide if this was a good or a bad thing. Suddenly realising she had asked a question and he had simply stared at her he shrugged and tried to sound casual as he said "Real Coffee,"

Kathryn gave him a long sideways glace with a twinkle in her blue eyes, Chakotay couldn't help thinking how free Kathryn looked and it made him smile at her which in turn mad her scowl as she playfully reminded him "you could make me real coffee at my house." Slowly the smile faltered from Chakotay's face as he looked at her trying to decide if she was really annoyed with him of not.

Deciding to turn away and take another sip of his herbal tea her told her "you mentioned this place many time's and I wanted to bring you here, my guess is you haven't been here in nearly five years" with that he slowly turned to her pointedly to avoid provoking her.

She watched him for a long and silent minute, all the time she had her eyes trained on him he didn't look to her. He was older and darker skinned than she ever remembered him being. His shoulders seemed far more tense but his body more trained and muscular. His hair was greyer and slightly longer than his neatly kept military style she had come to know on Voyager and it was somewhat unkempt and raggedy. That said he still looked to be the proud and private man she had grown to love. His face was full of so much emotion. This was a man who had seen wars more than once, faced death and had looked down the barrel of a gun far too many times as well as being the one to point the loaded gun, this man was no stranger to pain and disappointment, yet now sat next to her this man looked so broken but she could tell he was not broken for any of those things. Sat there beside her in _the night owl _that man was sad, so very sad. Narrowing her eyes she said slowly "tell me something Chakotay and tell me honestly." she sat and looked and waited to see what his response would be.

Slowly he lowered his mug and neatly placed it on the table before him before turning to her and looking her blue eyes directly in his dark saddened eyes as he nodded and said "Go on"

Lifting her head high she kept her eyes closely on his as she asked seriously and directly "do you pity me?"

Chakotay didn't reply straight away he just stared at her, looked her up and down, and took in every inch of her distorted body. She refused to look away, refused to be ashamed by his examining gaze. As his eyes once again met hers he held her gaze before he clasped his hands together on his lap and asked in his deep and gentle voice "pity you?" it was a question to ask her why she would think that not any kind of statement, he wanted her to say it, he wanted to hear her speak it aloud.

Drawing her brows together she was frustrated as she demanded "what do you feel when you look at me Chakotay?" her voice was raised, tears where threatening to fall.

Chakotay took her face gently in both his hands as he leaned in to look closer into her eyes "honestly?" he asked firmly waiting for her reply by way of a nod. When she gave it he smiled and whispered ever so softly "love" she tried to pull away, her eyes widened but he held her gaze as he told her "it always has been"

Frantically she shook her head and tried to pull away but he wouldn't let her go. Slowly he drew her into a tight embrace and held her. He felt her sob but it only made him hold on tighter to her until he felt her relax into him and almost sob uncontrollably as he held her stroking her back. Then slowly her working hand reached up and rested on his back and clenched his shirt tightly. This was so unlike the Kathryn Janeway he knew Chakotay didn't dare let go. Nor did she.


	22. Chapter 22

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty Two.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Paramount own Star Trek and its characters, I give them the fun they need to be real.**

After holding her for what felt like an eternity Chakotay slowly began to pull away. She wouldn't let him at first, she relished in his closeness and she feared if she let go of him it may turn out to be just a dream, she may open her eyes to find he still hated her, still blamed her and despised her, barely able to look at her and refusing to say her name. Chakotay sensed her reluctance to let go and so didn't push her he just held her, he had let her go and hurt he because he refused to listen five years ago, he had shown up here all high and mighty and still refusing to listen to her nearly a week ago, not this time, this time he would wait and he would listen. After some more time past he whispered her name softly and waited patiently for her response. It seemed to give her the strength she needed and slowly she pulled away. Her eyes were read and puffy and her face was full of emotion but Chakotay couldn't quite work out what that emotion was. "Chakotay" she said slowly trying to turn from him but he took her shoulder and held her looking at him, he body stiffened but he would let go as she closed her eyes and told him "I can't stop thinking this is all a dream."

Chakotay was confused as he looked at her and asked softly and calmly "What's all a dream?" her response was to keep her eyes shut and shake her head at him "Kathryn" he demanded in a slightly more forceful tone than he had meant but it had the desired effect, her eyes shot open as they searched his. Letting out a soft sigh he said softly "Kathryn I don't understand? What do think is a dream?"

She reached out with her hand to trace the lines of his tattoo, her sign of affection she had always given him during their short lived engagement five years ago. He kept his eyes trained on her, she let her sparkling blue eyes meet with his before her hand stopped it's caress of her face and she whispered "this" Chakotay still sat silently looking at her waiting for her to elaborate so she added softly "you and me together like this, not fighting, not angry, not bitter."

Chakotay suddenly felt like he had been hit in the chest with her fist. He had spent the last five years ignoring her on some far distant planet she had no way of getting to. Before that he had watched her walk out on him because she was scared and e didn't bother to ask her to stay in fact he pushed her away, sent her away not ashamed to hide his selfish and spiteful anger. He couldn't look at her long enough to hear her explanation or listen to her side of the story and now because of that the rift had grown and the anger and bitterness accelerated. Then when B'Elanna had all but begged him to show up here for the five year reunion he had stewed in so much bitterness and hatred over the last five years he had let his assumptions and accusations run wild in his head. He had come here because B'Elanna asked it, but he vowed not to talk to her, not to let her suck him in. That though was before, before he had seen how injured she was, before he learnt the truth of that awful week five years ago, before he remembered how much he loved her. No maybe remembered was the wrong word, he always knew how much he loved her, he had just tried so hard to forget it he had almost convinced himself he had. As all this flashed through his mind he looked at her and saw her staring at him with fear and worry in her eyes waiting for his reply. What could he say? What could he tell her that would make it all right?

(+) (+) (+)

B'Elanna Torres looked up from her replicator to see her husband walk towards her "so where are they?" Tom asked with that cheeky knowing grin on his face as he watched his wife lift to casserole dish from the replicator.

Placing it on the middle of the table and tossing the oven mitts aside the half Klingon woman rested her hand on her heavily pregnant belly and asked in a voice just a little too casual "Where's who?"

Tom sank into his seat and began to serve up a large plate of food for himself without even waiting for his wife before he shook his head and laughed saying "rumour has it Sam has the day off" then he looked up and met B'Elanna's eyes saying with his stupid grin "The doc's furious because she missed her check-up earlier and Harry say's when he went round the entire house was empty"

B'Elanna looked horrified as she sat down and snatched the serving spoon from her husband "Missed her check-up? That was today?" B'Elanna gasped as she slowly began to serve casserole onto her own plate "Mirral!" she yelled over her shoulder and she served a smaller plate at the empty place at the table beside her "Mirral! Get her now! Lunch time!"

"Yes" Tom confirmed "and her house is empty, she and her over-night guest are both missing, as is our transport vehicle" he told his wife please to see he had gotten her attention.

B'Elanna lowered her spoon from half towards her mouth and placed it softly on her plate before admitting softly "I may have helped Chakotay get Kathryn out for the day"

"May have?" Tom asked as he smiled looking at his wife just as their five year old daughter arrived at the table to eat her lunch. B'Elanna just smiled at her husband before turning to her daughter to see to her food.

(+) (+) (+)

"Kathryn…" Chakotay began but once again found he couldn't find the words to say what needed to be said, what he wanted to say. "Kathryn" he tried again and once again failed. Taking a deep breath and closing his eyes he composed himself again before saying "You and I have been through so much together, I am so very sorry I didn't hear you out five years ago" she held his gaze wiling him to continue as he added "I am so sorry I came here full of anger and bitterness towards you"

She gave that sad smile, the corners of her mouth twitching quickly upwards and then back down to the sad dead pan look she held all too often these day's before she added softly "I probably would have done the same if I were you." It was a sad but honest admittance. Then her blue eyes where bright and wide as she stared at him and Chakotay knew a question was coming letting her ask it when she was ready he waited "I am curious, it wasn't until you saw my injury were you ready to talk" she held his eyes straight on and asked "why is that?"


	23. Chapter 23

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty Three.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**I really must say sorry to all my readers, I have been so very busy, I had to have an operation back in January which took a while to recover from and then I have been catching up with my work and I am leaving my job and moving house in a week and so have been so held up with just getting from day to day I really have had little time for anything else so please accept my apology for the lack of updates to this story. Thank you for staying with it and understanding. I hope to be updating much more regularly from now on. I hope you enjoy. **

Chakotay looked into her deeply set blue eyes which now so often shone with pain he had to fight his tears as he asked her "honestly?" he tried to sound casual but he knew he didn't.

Kathryn tilted her head at him and folded working arm across her chest to clasp the other by the elbow as she raised an eyebrow at him and told him seriously "it would help" she didn't sound to angry or demanding but Chakotay knew she wasn't messing around now. It was time for truth, it was time to be real and they both knew it.

Chakotay looked at her for a long silent moment before he sighed and whispered softly in his deep voice "I love you" he wasn't fazed by the surprised response he got from Kathryn in return as he continued "I always have" with his last words he cupped her face in his hands and brushed her paled cheeks softly with his thumbs, glad she didn't pull away or snap at him that he was out of line Chakotay smiled warmly into her eyes, she only held his gaze with her shining blue eyes, her breathing heavy as she tried to contemplate her next move.

When Chakotay didn't say anymore he just looked into her eyes and began tucking her silky hair softly behind her ears she leaned towards him daring to bridge the gap that had come between them. She placed her hand on his chest and asked in a rather seductive way "and?" it was serious question, one that deserved a serious answer.

He smiled warmly with his dimples which he knew she loved, he was teasing her as good as she gave, she was flirting with him, he knew her style, subtle yet beautifully seductive, so why should he not flirt with her? To either of them sat in that café with their eyes locked it felt like one of their long day's together on the bridge of Voyager where the only interesting thing to happen was who was winning the very intense flirting match between them. With the devilish yet loving glean in his eye she knew so well he leaned in a little to her and took her hand from his chest and raised it to his lips where he planted a gentle kiss on her finger tip's, his lips barely touching her skin. The whole time she held his eyes, her heart beating fast almost ablaze with fire, she was feeling old feelings, feelings only he had ever provoked in her. Then suddenly he let go of her hand and save her a slightly smug smile as though being aware of what he had evoked in her and he shrugged casually and said "and when i saw how injured you are i was heartbroken" his body language seemed so casual and uncommitted at his last sentence but the words told her only of love, and they invoked in her a much forgotten feeling of love. She felt herself blushing at his words. She knew he was playing casual to tease her because he had sensed the feelings rise in her. She was offended by that she was pleased and honoured, this was their way, and this was who they had been on Voyager. This was the friendship she had missed, long before they had complicated it by rushing into marriage and family. She smiled as her eyes nearly filled with tears, they had been given another chance even through all the past pain, was she going to reject it? Reject him?

Suddenly as she thought over his words the need for independence that the last five years of being totally reliant on others had given her over whelmed her. She suddenly felt fearful, she couldn't ask him to stay with her and become some kind of care person, like Sam or B'Elanna, she wouldn't do that to him, if anything she had come to realise how important it was to him to follow his dream. She would not stop him going back to Trebus, not again not ever, if he stayed for her he would have to give up that life, she hadn't let him five years ago and she wouldn't let him now. Back then it had been because she had been too proud to care enough to give up her own life in Starfleet but now it was because she was too ashamed to face the fact that her life had ended the day she had boarded that old transport to Trebus. She didn't want him to stay just for her selfishness back then and he didn't want her to stay because he pitied her now. Pity….. her eyes suddenly flashed an anger he had not expected to see as she leaned far back in the sofa as she could as though trying to get away from him and demanded "so it is that you pity me?" she was furious, he could see that, this was no wide up or flirtatious joke and she was clearly not afraid to show it.

Closing his eyes he suddenly felt angry himself, her selfishness and refusal to share her feelings has been the catalyst to destruction of their relationship five years ago and clearly things hadn't changed much now. Leaning away from her himself he let out a frustrated sigh he turned towards the large window and snapped "Kathryn I never said that"

"you didn't have to" she replied back equally as annoyed though she kept her eyes on him showing concern, she didn't want to hurt him, she didn't want to fight him anymore, she was more annoyed with herself now for lashing out and reacting, why couldn't she just accept things the way they were? She wanted to stop all the pain and the past; she just wanted him back in her life.

Chakotay sensed her emotions where a lot softer and receptive than what her words showed. Taking a deep breath he turned back to her and found himself surprised to see she was watching him with love in her eyes and so he took her hand in his and while gently stoking her knuckles with him thumb he met her eyes and asked firmly "Kathryn the doctor tells me there may be a way to fix at least some of your injuries but you won't have it" he wasn't sure how she would feel about him bringing up the subject, or about the fact that he had talked to the doctor about her in the first place but right then he wasn't sure he cared what she thought, she really needed to know how much he cared and to force her to face her condition more than he was sure anyone had these last five years. If there was a chance for her to have a better quality of life he wanted her to at least say out loud why she wouldn't take it.

She stared at him much as he expected she would, her lips pursuing into a thin line, her eyes narrowing, she was angry and hurt and he could see that, she wanted him to see that but she hadn't pulled her hand away from his, she still let him hold her hand and gently caress her knuckles. As he sat in that café, her café and looked at her she wanted nothing more than to reach up and slap him but she reframed as she didn't want to allow that rage inside her so she demanded "why did he tell you that?" trying to keep calm and controlled. Then without giving him any chance to reply in an almost snarl, a spiteful snarl she snapped "what business is it of yours?" at that point she snatched her hand away and clenched it into a tight fist.

Chakotay would not back down, she had to realise he cared for her, now more than ever. Looking right into her eyes Chakotay took a deep breath and said softly and firmly "he told me because I asked him" Kathryn didn't even bother to try to hide her surprise and his words. She pulled further from him in her seat and shook her head, why would the doctor simply tell him that just because he asked? Chakotay obviously sensed Kathryn's surprise at his disclosure of what the doctor had said to him. Chakotay took a deep breath and told her lovingly "he knew how concerned I am"

Kathryn narrowed her eyes at him, he expected her to believe the doctor broke his patient doctor confidentiality just because he knew Chakotay was concerned for her? Scowling furiously she snapped "I do just fine" she was furious and wanted to get away from him but she knew she was at his mercy, she had to stay with him, she was miles from her home right in the heart of san Francisco and he was her only way of getting home, and he knew it. She didn't want to be angry with him and ruin what they had built up in the last few days but if she was honest she was still a little hurt by all that had past but most of all what scared her was that he no longer saw her as independent.

Chakotay looked at her and saw the anger in her eyes change to fear, it was right then at that moment that he realised that all the fighting and disagreeing needed to stop, now was the time to move on if they had any hope of even just friendship. As he met her eyes he tried to still her with his calm gentle expression and he smiled and cupped her face in his hand and whispered firmly to try to show he truly believed her "yes you do" she knew as soon as he said it he was serious and genuine. Taking his hand from her face he grasped it tightly in his, she wanted him to know she had no intention of letting go. He knew what he was about to say might hurt her but he had to say it, taking a deep breath he met her eyes and began "you have done and you have great support but..."

"but?" she snapped cutting across him, she didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to know that he thought her some kind of invalid unable to live without care, unable to be independent.

Running his hand softly through her hair he brushed some stray strands from her eyes with his gentle fingertips and studied her face as she held his face in her shining blue eyes, still holding his hand tightly "i wish you could be well again" he told her earnestly "i wish you could smile and really mean it" at his words her moth cracked into a very slight crooked smile and her looked directly into her eyes and leaned in whispering deeply "i would give anything to see the spring in your step and the sparkle in your eyes"

Suddenly realising he might not actually mean what he was saying and fearful that if he did she might never be able to give him his wish she warned "Chakotay..."

But her voice broke off as he placed the tip of his index finger to her lips and looked at her whispering "tell me Kathryn, tell me you don't have feelings for me" her brow knitted together furiously at that challenge but she found herself unable to say what he had asked. At that realisation her heard almost skipped a beat, as did his when he realised she wasn't going to say it. Though he felt like he was walking on air simply buy her lack of reply he held it together and told her "tell me you want to stay injured" in the same challenging way.

Once again Kathryn found herself unable to meet his challenge. With a heavy sigh she hng her head and admitted in a deep husky voice "you know i can't Chakotay"

It was hope, Chakotay nearly sung for joy at her admittance as he leaned in closer to her, took her face gently in both his hands and met her eyes "i know" came his very quiet, almost silent yet simple reply as he stared lovingly into her eyes wishing she knew how beautiful and precious she was to him.


	24. Chapter 24

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty Four.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

Kathryn felt secure in his arms as they walked; it was a slow walk, as much due to the frost on the ground as it was her injury. They had been walking in a peaceful silence for what felt like hours to Kathryn. Chakotay was unwavering in his strong arms wrapped around her in support. The beautiful Skyline across fisherman's wharf added to the feeling of the moment. Kathryn leaned in closer to Chakotay's supportive chest and whispered with a smile across her face "you know Chakotay I can walk unassisted" she looked up at him to meet his dimpled smile as he looked down at her with such love and contentment.

Taking a breath her looked away from her and admitted "Yes Kathryn I know." He was still holding her, almost like he hadn't dared let go, like he didn't want to let go. She was too precious to him for that.

Kathryn just smiled and knew he wasn't going to let her go even though he realised she didn't need him to hold her. After another long stretch of content silence Kathryn wrapped the fingers of her working hand into his and gave his hand a gentle squeeze before saying softly "Thank you for the drink"

Chakotay who had been suddenly surprised by her taking his hand in affection smiled warmly and said just as softly "your most welcome" before giving her hand a gentle squeeze back to reassure her.

She didn't pull away she just allowed him to hold her and hold her hand. With a sigh she took in a gentle breath and added "real coffee" she had a crooked smile on her face and her eyes closed in pleasure.

The beautiful content look on her face was enough for Chakotay; if she was happy and a little less strained because of today then he had achieved his goal. With a smile of his own he repeated her words back to her "real coffee"

She gave a slight snort of laughter at him as she took in a deep breath and looked around asking "so now where?" she had always loved fisherman's wharf in San Francisco and she knew he knew that. She also knew that he knew she hated not being in control, she hated not knowing where she was going or what she was doing, but for some reason that didn't seem to bother him.

Leaning sideways and kissing the top of her head softly he told her "were just taking a stroll" he tried to sound reassuring and understanding to her difficulties of not being in control. Sensing some resistance from her he stopped walking and looked directly at her asking calmly "if you're ok with that?"

Kathryn met his eyes and saw the concern there and found she couldn't stay annoyed with him. Rolling her eyes she did pull away from him slightly and snapped "of course" Chakotay sensed her building anger which she was trying to fight and knew he should probably back off but it had been so long, so long without her and he had returned to a very different Kathryn, a Kathryn scared by the last five years of difficult experience.

Chakotay actually found he couldn't hide his concern from her, no matter how much he really wanted to. Looking seriously into her eyes he asked softly "You will tell me when you get tired won't you?" he then took her shoulders in both his hands and looked at her as he caressed his arms and waited for her response.

Kathryn was just so fed up with all these changing emotions, fed up with having to be dependent on others, fed up of the pain she felt of losing him, of losing her child. She was angry and bitter and so tired, tired of feeling like she never quite managed to live a happy life. She wanted to look into his eyes and tell him how she felt, she wished she could make him understand but she couldn't and she realised then if she didn't get away from him she would explode. She almost growled as she pulled from him her eyes showing the pain she had long trapped inside of her "Chakotay…." She warned in the hope she would push him away, in the hope he might understand that she couldn't cope with his sudden return to her life, in the hope he might let her go.

Chakotay let out a sigh, she wasn't going to back down, she wasn't going to let him through her walls, she had built them up and he knew it was fruitless to try, "Ok sorry" he replied letting her go and walking on ahead a little.

She watched him walk away and wished with everything in her that she too could see things the way he looked on them. He mind wondered as she watched him. As she did a group of Starfleet command officers walked past in full uniform. Kathryn stood watching them as they went. As they turned round the corner and she turned back to where Chakotay stood a few yards from her she was surprised to see Chakotay stood watching her closely. She offered him a small smile and stepped closer. Taking her hand in his he asked gently "do you miss it?" she smiled a sad smile in reply.

After a second she turned back to where the officers had disappeared round the corner and she asked almost distantly "Starfleet?"

"Hummm" Chakotay nodded giving her back a soft rub of support before his hand rested on her lower back.

Giving him a shrug she nodded saying "Sometimes"

If Chakotay was honest he had expected her to admit to missing Starfleet but was surprised that she was admitting to times when she admitted to there being times when she didn't miss Starfleet, the very thing that had governed her life for so long, her very corner stone of living which she had given up so much for and now after she had been forced to leave that way of life behind she was admitting there were times she didn't miss it. Looking at her Chakotay asked seriously "but not other times?"

Kathryn knew he would be shocked at this news and it made her smile to see the shock written on his face. With a deep heavy sigh she admitted to him seriously "no other times I am glad I got out, able to have my own life again" it was the first time she had come close to speaking aloud how she felt about her time in Starfleet, deep down how she felt, how it robbed her life, how it confined her into being a certain way, how it denied her and then lost her everything she had loved and held dear and how ultimately it cast her aside like she was nothing.

Chakotay was still shocked, he had never thought she would say something like that; she had refused to come to Trebus with him many years ago because the pull to Starfleet was too big for her, and she couldn't or wouldn't give up that dream. Not then, not for him. Still shocked he looked right at her and gasped "but it was your dream" he kept his eyes on her and watched the painful emotions play across her face. There was a long silence before she turned back to him.

All she offered in confirmation of the part she had played in their separation was an honest admission of a time past "it was" Chakotay saw in her eyes when she said that that with the loss of that dream she lost part of herself, she lost her will. She lost everything that made her. Chakotay suddenly realised her injuries didn't bother her not because she was pretending or stubborn or proud but because they sincerely didn't bother her, there was a greater pain in her life to contend with, the loss of direction and dream. Chakotay was about to say something further when she smiled her wistful smile and asked him firmly "Talking of dreams, when do you return to Trebus?" Chakotay stopped and stared at her, it had been only a few hours earlier she had asked him to stay, and he was planning on it, for her he would stay this time. He had made that mistake five years ago, he wasn't about to make it again. If she really asked him to stay he would but now she seemed so sure she wanted him to go. The serious, indignant look in her eyes, almost a plea, but a plea for what he wasn't sure. A plea for him to go or stay?

Watching her closely he felt hurt and angry as he insisted "I don't" she appeared to be going back on her request for him to stay with her on Earth, a request he had taken very seriously and now just like she always did she was throwing it back in his face like it didn't even matter to her.

"What?" Kathryn gasped feeling confused as she began rubbing her forehead, she had just gotten used to life the way it was before he showed up, now everything she understood and had built up for herself was lost. She didn't want this, not after he had declared his love for her and asked her to have the operation, fear that was her problem but he would never understand that.

Chakotay's breathing was heavy as he looked right at her firmly and insisted "A few hours ago you told me you wanted me to stay with you, that is just what I plan to do." He was hurt she would push him away even now, after all they had shared these last few days and he was fed up of her discarding him to the side whenever she felt like it was too difficult for her to face.

Snapping at him she said "You don't have to, it was rash what I said" she hoped it would be enough to wave him away even though deep down she knew it was never going to be enough.

Chakotay was confused as he stood in the dusk winter air and stared at her, tomorrow was Christmas eve, he had hoped to share the holiday with her, and maybe much more, even half an hour ago in the café there had still been that hope, but now, now she seemed so distant. She was not the Kathryn Janeway he knew, she was scared about something and was pushing him away because of fear. She was not a rash person; the Kathryn Janeway he knew would not open her mouth and rashly say what she didn't mean. She _had _meant to want him to stay on earth but something had scared her and made her change her mind. Taking her shoulders in his hands and searching her eyes and found no emotion there, nothing he whispered deeply and purposefully "nothing you say is rash or without purpose"

Kathryn scowled at him and turned away then as though the last conversation wasn't even happening she added casually "It's been a while since I have come to Fisherman's Warf"

Chakotay took a deep breath and tried to reign in his anger, there was a reason she was acting this way and he wanted to know what it was but if he knew Kathryn Janeway she would only tell him when she was ready, he simply had to sit tight, wait and go along with her. Taking in a rage deep breath he asked "a while?"

She smiled at him but her smile faltered once she saw the look of confusion and uncertainty drawn across his face, it caused the uncertainty in her which she was trying to hide away to surface. Taking her own deep breath she looked away from him quickly and added "since before I took command of Voyager" when Chakotay made no effort to say anything else he just stared at her, in the last fifteen minutes since their leaving the café she had changed, she wasn't quite herself and he wanted to know what had caused it. She was jumpy, agitated, distant, uncaring. Though he hated feeling that way about her because he knew she cared. As she continued to explain her last visit to Fisherman's Wharf she looked distant, almost a wistful, longing. "Mark and I sometimes came here when…" but her voice trailed off and tears filled her eyes as she tried to turn from Chakotay "Oh…" she said hurriedly and full of shame "sorry Chakotay"

Chakotay really was concerned now was he looked at where she stood, awkwardly silhouetted in the dusk sky with the cold air around them, it was only four o'clock in the afternoon but the winter days were short and brisk. Concerned he looked her up and down, searched her for some indication of what was going on but found none "Kathryn?" he asked gently and cautiously "is everything OK?" she gave him a quick nod and she muttered something about she shouldn't have mentioned Mark. Grabbing her hand Chakotay tried to offer a soft caress even though he had no idea where she was coming form or what was going through her mind. "It's ok, Mark is part of you" he whispered reassuringly but the shocked and offended expression on her face caused him to correct himself "part of your history I mean" he insisted "I don't hold claim over you now and I certainly don't hold claim over your memories" he whispered deeply as he tried to gauge her reaction.

Tears filled her eyes as she turned back to him and placed her hand on his chest and whispered "oh Chakotay" her hand moved up to cup his face as she stepped within inches of where he was looking down at her "You do, you live in many of my thoughts and memories" she whispered so lovingly and she caressed his cheek with her thumb "sometimes at night I think of you and wonder what you are doing, what you are thinking, who you are with, if you ever think of me" then her hand dropped and she added with shame "If you ever forgave me for what I did"

Chakotay was so shocked and so full of love as he met her eyes and whispered "Kathryn, my dear Kathryn" as he leaned lower to her he wrapped his arms around her and without giving her chance to reply his lips claimed hers in an act of true love.


	25. Chapter 25

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty Five.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Sorry again for the delay. And no you haven't missed a bit…. I will explain as it goes on. Happy reading.**

Kathryn didn't want to get up, she didn't care it what Christmas day or any other damned day, as far as she was concerned it could just be some other boring winter day where she did nothing but sit in the house, cold and alone feeling a great sense of guilt and loneliness, which frankly she seemed to feel all the time these days. This particular day she felt weary and tired, she felt barely able to open her eyes let alone drag herself from the comfort of her bed. It had been one hell of a year. Tom and B'Elanna had of course invited her to join them and their two lovely children for Christmas dinner but Kathryn didn't care much for company at the moment. She couldn't believe a whole year had gone by, Young Owen Paris, Tom and B'Elanna's second child was nearly ten months old now and almost as stubborn as his older sister. Voyager had just had its six year reunion and although Kathryn had attended, wearing an elegant blue satin dress Kathryn had been all smiles that evening but felt hollow and broken, quite a few of Voyager's crew hadn't made it back this year with one thing and another. There was also the fact that one member of Voyager's crew had refused point blank to come. He had told B'Elanna he wasn't going to waste his time or energy on a lost course again. Kathryn almost shuddered at the thought of his words. That had been a few months back now, she had hoped he would come back for the reunion if not for her but then her heart nearly sank when she realised he had done that last year and she had pushed him away so appallingly. It had been a whole year since he had taken her to San Francisco to see the Night Owl; regret at that memory filled her heart. With a heavy sigh she forced herself to throw back her quilt and drag herself from her relaxed state. Taking large strides towards her repucator she ordered a black coffee and waited for the blue light to produce her favourite drink. As she waited her saw her blue gown thrown in a heap on the floor where she had flung it the night before just before she climbed into bed. As her coffee materialized she turned her attention back to the replicator and sighed and flexed the fingers on both her hands as she reached out and cupped the mug in both her hands and raised it to her face to inhale the sent. She turned and strode out of her bedroom away from the memories of a broken heart that dress had been for her and entered her den where she smiled to feel its warmth. Sam had clearly been in and started an old fashioned fire even though since her extensive operations Kathryn didn't really need Sam working for her.

(+)(+)(+)

With a great thud the axe went down. The sweat of manual work covered his brow. Frustration hit as he once again missed the log he was supposed to be splitting. With a frustrated growl he threw the axe to the ground and ran his copper skinned hand over the tattoo above his left eye and through his longer, slightly greying hair. He knew what day it was, December 25th, in earth years. He was sure that was what was distracting him. Well it could be any other damned day for all he cared; he had never celebrated it anyway! He only had for her! Raising the axe again he once again letting it thud down as once again. Letting out a loud cry as he realised he had once again missed his target. Tossing the axe to the ground he kicked the stub of a tree on which he had rested the logs to split and cried out in anger. One year ago he had tired, really tried with that damn infuriating woman; nobody could say he hadn't tried. He was still very angry with her for tossing him aside a year ago and sending him back to Trebus but if he was honest he missed her, he missed her smile, her warmth and her beauty. He missed her. In the year since he last saw her the day he took her to San Francisco he had tried to move on. He had tried once again to leave that infuriating woman behind but if was honest what concerned him the most was that one day he might actually move on and stop loving her anymore, he might actually meet somebody else and fall in love and his love for Kathryn Janeway become a distant and almost forgotten memory, an echo of a past life he once led. The only trouble was, the very idea of that troubled him. Reaching down to the flask he had propped up against the stump on the floor her opened the clasp and took several large gulps of water before deciding to call it a day and walk back towards the small yet growing settlement as the burning mid-day sun shone unrelenting on his back.

(+)(+)(+)

B'Elanna stood exasperated as she watched Kathryn fasten up her carry case and pull on her boot's. It wasn't until the older woman stood and looked around for her coat before B'Elanna asked feeling slightly concerned "Are you sure you want to do this Kathryn?" both women's eyes met across the room and they both knew she wasn't backing down.

Sighing Kathryn stopped her frantic search for her coat and tried to sound reassuring as she said "Lanna I need to do this, I need to see him" B'Elanna just stood and watched her dear friend closely making Kathryn quickly correct herself saying "I need to see Trebus" The use of Kathryn's affectionate term for B'Elanna's name had softened her a little but she wasn't all convinced. It had been a year since the last time she had seen Chakotay. They both knew Kathryn was riddled with guilt for what had happened one year ago and that she had hoped he would once again return for the Voyager six year reunion a week ago. Kathryn had spent most of the evening in her elegant ball gown hovering near the doors in the hope he might arrive. Everyone had seen the distracted look of disappointment on her face when he didn't come.

Handing her friend her coat from where she had been stood holding it B'Elanna looked around the den which had been Kathryn's home, sanctuary and office for the six years, a room she had barely left in those year and said softly "but you don't have to go alone" The worry in the eyes of the half Klingon was clear and while Kathryn knew perhaps it was justified she wouldn't let fear hold her back.

Giving her friend a half smile Kathryn said almost feebly "B'Elanna this is something I have to do alone." B'Elanna just stared at her friend and folded her arms and Kathryn drew the stubborn woman into a hug and said softly "Don't looked so worried, I used to be a Starfleet admiral"

B'Elanna met her eyes and knew if anyone could survive this it was Kathryn Janeway but she had watched her go last lime and had seen her comeback a smashed wreck. B'Elanna nodded and said bravely "I know, but a lot happened since then, and this isn't Starfleet"

Kathryn met her friend's eyes and took her hands in both of her and gave her friends hands a gentle squeeze asking "this is about what happened last time?"

B'Elanna nodded and pointed out "You could take a Starfleet vessel, you know they are talking of reinstating you" Kathryn didn't look at all happy at that comment.

Her eyes narrowed and her lips pursed tighter together as she said "I know"

B'Elanna sighed when she realised that was all Kathryn was going to say on the matter so she pressed "so they won't mind you taking one of their ships to the Dorvan System, I looked it up, there is a Starfleet vessel going to Dorvan four in six day, you could use you influence with the captain and get him to drop you at Dorvan Five" she saw the expression in Kathryn's face was angry but she still pressed what she knew needed to be said.

Kathryn was fuming as she slammed her hand down on the table and snapped "Trebus" her voice was laced with so much anger B'Elanna was surprised and shocked by this.

Wide eyed the half Klingon asked shocked "What?"

Kathryn's facial softened as she explained "The plant is called Trebus, only federation people call it Dorvan Five."

B'Elanna realised her mistake and growled with exasperation, Kathryn had always been defensive of Chakotay's culture. Shaking her head she sighed "ok" Kathryn nodded and picked up her carry case and offered B'Elanna a reassuring smile. "At least let me come with you?" B'Elanna asked one last time in the hope her friend might change her mind.

Kathryn smiled and shook her head saying "and leave poor Tom with Mirral and Owen?" Mirral was much older now and B'Elanna's second child little Owen was as feisty as his big sister. When B'Elanna realised the logic behind what her friend was saying she too smiled as Kathryn said "Your children need you"

B'Elanna asked softly and seriously "do you think he will welcome you with open arms?" she had resigned herself to the fact Kathryn was going to do this and alone but she needed to know Kathryn had thought through what she was going and the implications of it.

Kathryn smiled a small sad smile as she admitted "no" then added "but I promised him I would stand before him on Trebus, I would stand tall and able and I would be proud to do so" with that she walked towards the door before turning to face B'Elanna and said "that's a promise I intend to keep"

"He doesn't expect you to" B'Elanna pointed out. Kathryn knew B'Elanna had been in contact with Chakotay over the last year, she also knew he had been uninterested in learning about her progress or talking about her at all really.

"I know he doesn't" she admitted sadly, she knew she had truly messed up with the man she loved, and if she could she would make it right, she had a plan, one she hoped he wouldn't refuse.

B'Elanna nodded as she met the determination in her friend's eyes and asked with concern "can't I at least tell him you are coming"

"No!" snapped Kathryn her blue eyes wide and determined as she stepped towards her dear friend and almost begged "B'Elanna please don't this needs to be a surprise"

Kathryn was set and certain as she turned back towards the door, determined to walk away before she changed her mind when B'Elanna asked "and what will you do if he refuses to talk to you?" Kathryn slowly once again turned to face her friend "how will you get back?" Kathryn saw concern in the eyes of the half Klingon "where will you stay?"

Taking a deep breath and standing tall Kathryn asked seriously "Do you really think Chakotay will see me sleep on the streets of Trebus?"

B'Elanna shook her head at her friend and insisted "He won't like it" then sighed and added "but no I don't"

Kathryn offered her crooked smile and turned away again saying "Goodbye B'Elanna"

As Kathryn opened the door and steep on the turbo lift B'Elanna called "You do realise this is taking advantage of him"

"He'll understand" Kathryn said turning and admitted with slight trepidation "maybe, either way I have to do this" with that the turbo lift doors shut leaving B'Elanna stood alone in Kathryn's den.

With a worried sigh the half Klingon whispered "bye Kathryn" she knew it was silly to worry, this was the great Kathryn Janeway but the image of her destroyed body the last time she went still lingered in B'Elanna's mind.


	26. Chapter 26

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty Six.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

Trebus was more desert like than Kathryn had imagined and a lot hotter too. Somehow she felt slightly out of place and very overdressed. It had only taken her a few minutes to realise she was the only white person in this crowded street; all the people shared Chakotay's tanned skin. Looking around she sighed and thought to herself, if you could even call it a street but stopped that line of thinking right away, no she wouldn't think that way, this was Chakotay's beloved Trebus and it was really quite beautiful. The people were beautiful even if they had been less than welcoming at the transport station. Not one person had been inclined to give her any help or hint about Chakotay's whereabouts though it was clear they all knew him. B'Elanna's concerned word's filled her mind and Kathryn feared she might actually have to spend the night on the street as B'Elanna had warned. Trebus was primitive for federation standards but Kathryn supposed these people liked it that way. One thing she noticed was the buildings were elegant in their simplicity. As she found herself wondering what she could only assume was the main street of the settlement or town she realised how tired she was, it had been a long journey and Kathryn was really very tired but very glad to finally be stood on Trebus. Yet she still hadn't located Chakotay or somebody who might help her find him. She didn't know the local time but she did know it was getting late judging by the height of the sun in the sky. The young boy at the transport station could have easily been a fifteen year old Chakotay; the boy even wore the same tattoo above his left eye. Yet he had refused to talk to her once checking her papers and realising she was a retired Admiral of Starfleet. Feeling exhausted and slightly anxious that she might never find him Kathryn discarded her coat into her carry case and made her way towards what look like a market area where she hoped she would find somebody who knew where Chakotay was. Or at least somebody who could help her find a bed for the night. Kathryn was suddenly realising she probably should have listened to B'Elanna, this was a really bad idea,

(+)(+)(+)

Chakotay pulled out the chair in Trebus's only eating establishment and guided the beautiful woman to sit down. "To what do I owe this pleasure?" she smiled warmly at him running her hands through her long hair and watching him sit down at the table opposite her.

"Shhh" he smiled his dimpled smile placing the tip of his forefinger on her lips and leaning in to whisper "no words" before he claimed her lips with him.

She wasn't sure where his sudden change in their relationship was coming from and she pulled away slightly and whispered "Chakotay…."

Chakotay kept his eyes closed and asked softly "hum?" he was still deep in his imagination and didn't want it ruined by her talking "quite my love" he whispered as he began nibbling on her ear lobe from across the table.

"Love?" she whispered with question in her voice, he had never used such words before "aren't i the lucky one?" she smiled running her hands through his raggedly long hair.

"No words" Chakotay repeated softly, finally he was home, and finally his was with a woman who truly wanted him. Finally he could enjoy her touch. "I love you" he whispered softly as he began to let his hands run through her long silky black hair.

"I love you too" the woman whispered as she wrapped her tanned skinned arms around him. What had she done to deserve this brave and well-travelled man?

(+)(+)(+)

Kathryn Janeway lifted the carry case higher onto her shoulder and stepped into what looked like some kind of café or restaurant, the only one in the town. A she approached the bar the two serving men stopped their conversation and turned to stare at her. Taking a deep breath she asked casually "do you sell coffee?" trying hard not to seem nervous or aware of how out of place she was.

The older of the two stepped forward and looked her up and down before asking "coffee?"

"Yes, black" she nodded offering a slight smile in his direction. She didn't even know if the people of Trebus drank coffee or knew what it was.

She stared the older man in the eye for a few seconds before he turned and napped at the younger boy "one coffee for the white lady" it was then Kathryn noticed both these men wore the same tattoo as Chakotay. Not all the man were tattooed and Kathryn knew if there was any hope of finding Chakotay she would need to ask this man.

Turning back to her he looked her up and down and said gruffly "we don't take federation credits here you know" Kathryn sighed, did she really look the complete image of the federation?

"I know" she groaned digging in her jeans pocket and pulling out Trebus money notes.

The older man was impressed but tried hard not to show it as he smiled slightly and said "good" as he took the notes from her and returned her change in coins.

He still stared at her, looking her up and down as he stood with his arms folded "you wouldn't happen to know Somebody called Chakotay would you?" she asked trying to sound casual yet as the day wore on she was getting slightly worried she never would find him.

"Who wants to know?" growled the old man as he handed her the mug of coffee in a cardboard mug.

Inhaling the sent she had long missed she flashed her blue eyes at him and said deeply "I'm an old friend" before she took a sip of the heavenly drink.

The older man regarded her for a long while before asking "is he expecting you?" Kathryn's eyes looked up from her mug of black coffee to see he was looking over her shoulder

Kathryn slowly lowered her mug from her lips and regarded the older man before she gulped down the steaming liquid and admitted casually "no" and offered no more.

The older bar attendant smiled, he liked this little white woman very much. "I know Chakotay" he told her casually "everybody does"

Kathryn was feeling exasperated as she snapped "do you know where I can find him?"

The older man gave a little laugh before looking over her shoulder and shouting "Hay Chakotay!" Kathryn spun round, there he was, Chakotay, her Chakotay, the man she had loved for so long, the man she had hurt and let down sat in one of the seat at a candle lit table, his left hand on the knee of a beautiful young native American woman the other in her long silky black hair. Both her arms where wrapped around his neck and their lips were almost touching.

"What Larren?" Chakotay growled as he prized himself away from the young woman but didn't take his eyes off her.

Kathryn just stood there frozen to the spot; she had not imagined _this _at all. She had prepared herself for his onslaught of anger, his refusal to look at her or talk to her but she had not prepared herself for him being involved with another woman. Kathryn's eyes began to fill with tears as she slowly began to back away, this wasn't right, she should never have come, and she shouldn't interrupt his happiness with one of his own people. The old bar tender maneuverer around to Chakotay's side before Kathryn could stop him and asked "do you know a white lady?"

Chakotay looked angry, Kathryn knew that look. He was fed up and angry "Drop it Larren it's getting old" he hissed turning to the older man. The woman he was with seemed to want to stop Chakotay from becoming more angry but it wasn't working. Wheat ever had gone before between these two men Kathryn didn't know but it didn't seem good.

"What?" the older man raised his hands innocently and shook his head as though trying to call a peace between them.

The young woman ran her copper skinned fingers through Chakotay's hair and rubbed his neck seductively as she said firmly to the older man who was apparently called Larren "Stop winding him up because he's with Starfleet."

Larran just began to laugh as he looked from where Kathryn stood in shameful terror to where Chakotay sat in the arms of another man and he realised what was going on here. The next thing Chakotay was on his feet to meet Larren in the eye as he demanded "What are you on about and wipe that stupid grin off your face"

"she's about this tall" Larren said measuring Kathryn's height with his flat palm, if she wasn't so disorientated and confused she might have been put out he saw her as being so short "skinny, and quite a beauty if I do say so" Larren continued to which she only scowled "tight jaw line" he added which shocked Kathryn "sapphire eyes that sparkle with the light" Larren added which got Chakotay's attention and that of the woman he was with "locks of flaming auburn hair" Larren added.

The young woman stood to be beside him and asked "Chakotay?" as she ran her fingers over her back and arms.

Chakotay looked tense and seemed to tense even more as Larren "a deep husky voice that could tempt any man" Chakotay almost pounced on the man, his fists clenched, and his breathing heavy "hay back off Chakotay!" Larren pushed him back shaking his head and walking off back to his bar.

"What are you looking for this time Larren?" Chakotay growled angrily as the older man walked away. Kathryn found herself unable to move, she didn't know what else to do but stand there.

Kathryn watched as the tall slender woman wrapped her arms around Chakotay's neck and kissed him as she whispered "Chakotay, darling." Clearly trying to defuse his anger.

Chakotay stood the way he was and hissed at her "stay out of this!"

Kissing him again his beautiful new girlfriend asked softly "do you know this woman he was talking about Chakotay?"

"She's nobody" he hissed angrily "a pathetic wreck of a woman" Kathryn froze, she took a large intake of breath as she heard him say that but he hadn't finished "and not somebody I ever want to see again" Kathryn began backing away, her eyes filled with tears, Her heart pounding, she should never have come her "She's a long forgotten memory" he hissed "and one I am so glad to be shot of!"

The young woman kissed his forehead and whispered his name seductively to try to calm him "Chakotay" as he ran her hands over his chest she Kathryn watched as she met his eyes and asked "My love? Who is she?"

Chakotay let out a heavy hiss and shook his head saying "Somebody I once knew" before turning his attention back to his woman.

"But you don't anymore?" She asked wrapping her arms around his neck and keeping his eyes locked with hers.

"Not any more" Chakotay agreed with the sound that Kathryn could only guess was relief. Kathryn was about to turn and walk away but as she began to turn the young woman hugged Chakotay looking straight behind him. She froze as her eyes met with Kathryn's, Kathryn froze, her blue eyes awash with tears as she shook her head at the young woman and quickly turned to make her way out the door of the restraint. Chakotay sensed the woman in his arms stiffen and asked "Carissa?" as he drew from her to take her hands in concern for her sudden change in demeanour.

Carissa kept her eyes fixed on Kathryn who was frantically trying to get out of the café as fast she could "sapphire eyes" Carissa whispered confusing Chakotay "auburn hair" then with a nod towards the older woman hurrying away she looked into Chakotay's eyes and pulled away saying "looks to me like she's not glad to be shot of you"

Chakotay was shocked and confused as he let go of her hands and stared at her demanding "what?" as he did so Carissa turned back to where Kathryn was now almost out of the door. Chakotay followed the young woman's line of eye sight just in time to see the woman with the auburn hair of his still very real fantasies hurry out of the door as he stood ridges and confused and gasped "Spirit's Kathryn!"


	27. Chapter 27

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty Seven.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

Chakotay's breathing was heavy, his mind spinning. This was a dream it had to be a dream, Kathryn Janeway running, here on Trebus. Carissa's gentle loving hand took his as she looked from him to the door. Slowly he turned to his girlfriend and gave her hand a gentle squeeze saying softly "I need to go after her" he looked angry but his anger was being defused by confusion evident on his face.

Softly Carissa kissed the cheek of the man she loved very much and asked almost fearfully "who is she?" she wasn't fearful for herself but for Chakotay and this strange white woman.

Shaking his head Chakotay took in a deep breath and said deeply "somebody I used to know"

When he didn't offer any more and the gentle Chakotay she had grown to know and trust seemed to be raging with unexploded anger inside Carissa was worried, very worried. "Chakotay?" she asked her dark eyes wide as she look at him. He had rarely talked to her about is life with the federation, his time with the people of earth. This mysterious woman had rattled him, and rattled him hard and it scared her, he had never seen him this way and the fact one woman could do this to him concerned her. Who was this mysterious read head? She had heard Sekey talk about some of the women he used to know. She had once seen by accident a box among his things which contained letters mostly, letters of love from a woman named Kathryn, Kathryn Janeway. Could this be her?

Slowly Chakotay turned to his girlfriend and saw the deep concern and worry etched in her eyes. With a heavy sigh he whispered "Spirit's Carissa I am so sorry" before leaning in and planting a soft kiss on her lips. As he pulled away he took her hand tighter in his and whispered "Come with me"

As the moved together towards the door she asked softly "Is she from earth?"

"Yes" he almost spat in reply. Why was she here? Why now? What was this about?

Carissa was just trying to engage Chakotay in conversation to keep him calm from the explosive anger that was clearly just under the surface "that's quite a journey" she pointed out softly yet it sounded so feeble given the circumstance.

"Yes" was all he growled in fuming reply.

Carissa stopped walking and forced him to stop too and look at her as she asked softly "you and she you were….?" But she found herself unable to finish her sentence.

"Engaged" hissed Chakotay a slight hint of his anger bubbling to the surface.

Carissa was shocked, he had never know this about him "engaged?" she gasped almost letting go of his hand as she stared at him. "Chakotay?" She gasped as he carried on toward the door. Now she was confused and angry "Stop why have you never talked about her before?" she insisted feeling hurt he had never shared this part of her past before.

Chakotay did stop walking but couldn't bring himself to look at his new girlfriend, how could he lie to her when he was looking her in the eye? "She's not important" he whispered deeply as he hung his head and ran his fingers through his long hair unsure what to do or say.

Carissa was confused "then why are we going after her?" she asked coming up to him and turning him so he had no choice but to look her in the eye. She was beautiful and young. She has beautiful dark skin, dark brown eyes and jet black hair that was long on silky.

Closing his eyes her cupped her face with his hand and whispered lovingly "Because she doesn't know trebus Carissa" leaning in her met her eyes and softly caressed her cheek in an effort to reassure the concerned woman "I need to know she's ok" Carissa simply stared back at him as he added "I need to know she has somewhere to sleep for the night"

"That's all?" Carissa asked feeling concerned, she loved tis man very much but wouldn't compete for his affections with a long lost lover from the federation who could offer him far more and a far better life than she could.

"That's all" he said offering his dimpled smile to try to reassure his lover. When she didn't look very reassured he sighed and whispered "look Carissa she and I, well it's complicated" Carissa offered a feeble smile and nodded, basically he was saying he wouldn't explain it to her "but I am with you now" he insisted reassuringly "I would do this for any person" Carissa met his eyes and still saw anger and hatred there. He was so very bitter and hurt by the presence of this woman but Carissa knew him, she knew he was right, he would never stand by and see any person asleep on the streets or in danger.

Carissa couldn't get the image of her Chakotay fuming and disgusted out of her mind as he reached up and cupped his face saying softly "the way to you looked when Larren described her didn't look like she was just any person"

Chakotay sighed, what could he say? How could he explain he had no desire to ever see that woman again yet she still plagued his thought's and fantasies, that he still loved her, that whenever he was with Carissa he pretended she was Kathryn, that he hated it when she talked when they were together because it broke his fantasy of her being Kathryn, how could he tell this beautiful woman that? She deserved more. "Carissa please" he said softly

Carissa was exasperated and concerned for him as they exited the café and looked around on the crowed street. "Ok" she said softly watching him search the street for his mystery ex-lover "but I don't want to see you get hurt" he told him placing her hand on his shoulder.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek as he insisted "not this time I won't" his smile was feeble and so was hers as they eyes met briefly before they both returned their search of the street for the red dreaded woman.

Suddenly Carissa saw her, in a dark corner near an ally double over in pain for sickness she couldn't tell. Pointing she shouted "over there" and ran off towards her before Chakotay could say anything else.

Chakotay's eyes fell on Kathryn standing half double over against the wall, her carry case still sling over her shoulder and a mug of coffee clutched in her hands. Her hair half covered her face and she was being sick on to the dessert floor but Chakotay felt a surge of concern for her as he followed his girlfriend towards her. He got there just in time to hear Carissa ask with concern "Are you ok?" and wrap her arms around his beloved.

"What?" Kathryn's deep voice gasped out as she slowly looked up and wiped her mouth with her sleeve, as he eyes fell on Carissa Kathryn gasped and tried to pull away "oh" another wave of nausea caught her as she looked up and saw Chakotay stood tall scowling down at her "oh…." She gasped but was unable to her words out, what she had planned to say when she saw him was long gone and tongue tied.

Once again she nearly fell as she wretched onto the floor "easy" Carissa cried as she tried to catch her. When Chakotay offered no assistance Carissa looked up at him and asked. "Chakotay?"

Still Chakotay did nothing but stared as he watched his new girlfriend help his long lost lover stand up tall. Once Carissa was sure she could stand fine and nausea wasn't going to overcome her again Carissa let her go and Chakotay stood feeling his heart tighter as he saw Kathryn stand tall all on her own, it made him question if he was dreaming, his Kathryn was stood before him, tall on Trebus just was she had promised. His anger washed over him as their eyes met and he hissed "where are you planning on staying?" His voice was rough and firm and clearly taking now messing. Carissa was taken aback as he stared uncaringly at her.

"What?" Gasped Kathryn feeling very hot and nauseous in the hot desert sun even though it was lowering in this late hour.

Chakotay let out was could only be described as a growl as he repeated himself "where are you planning on spending the night Kathryn?" he was taking no messing and he wasn't going to let himself fall for her charms again. He was so angry with her, he wasn't giving in this time. How dare she turn up her after a year, after what she did a year ago in San Francisco and pretend all was ok.

Carissa looked from Chakotay to the white woman stood staring at him "Kathryn?" she gasped "Kathryn Janeway?" She had heard Sekey, Chakotay's sister talk of her, the woman of Chakotay's dreams and if Carissa was honest with herself, though she hated to admit it, sometimes it was Kathryn's name not here's Chakotay called out in passion.

Kathryn slowly turned to the young woman and said softly "pleased to meet you" Carissa nodded and offered a smile in return. She woman truly was beautiful, and more Chakotay's age, and clearly somebody he still thought of.

"All right all right." Snapped Chakotay stepping between them and towering over Kathryn in an effort to intimidate her "I asked you a question Kathryn"

"Chakotay!" Carissa yelled furious at his actions, she shoved him aside, whatever this woman did or didn't do she wasn't going to let him be ruled by anger, she wasn't going to let him loose the peaceful warrior he was. She wasn't going to let him try to intimidate women.

When Kathryn opened and closed her mouth to speak but had no words to replied she only growled and rubbed her forehead in response Chakotay scoffed "just as I thought" Kathryn tried to offer him a sorry smile as he spat "you haven't got anywhere have you"

"Well not exactly" she admitted feebly with her deep rich voice and her sapphire eyes filling with tears.

Chakotay let out a long growl and let his fist beat down on the wall just behind her head causing Kathryn to jump at the sudden unexpected movement as he leaned in and yelled in her face "don't you ever get tired of prying on the good will of others?"

Carissa was horrified, she had never seen him react that way to anyone and if she was honest it scared her. Somehow she knew her soft words were not going to control this anger that was being unleashed towards the poor woman before him. Kathryn too was scared, scared of where is ager would lead but she tried not to show it as he wide blue eyes met his and she whispered softly "I'm sorry" it was a genuine sorry but Chakotay was too blinded by anger to see it "I just needed to see you" she tried to tell him the truth from the beginning.

Assuming she was playing some new kind of game he bared his teeth at her and hissed "well now you've seen me" then pulling away from her sharply and turning his back on her he yelled "you can go back to that hell whole you came from"

Carissa stepped in at this point resting both her hands on his deeply breathing chest and insisted "the next transport is in three days Chakotay!" as Chakotay turned and looked at her in anger she continued "besides look at her she isn't well"

As A very pale and clearly unwell Kathryn stepped forward she tried to appear ok she held her hand out the young woman and said in her deep voice "look I am fine" Slowly both the Native American's turned to look at her, Chakotay really saw her for the first time and saw she really wasn't well at all, concern flashed through her for a split second before his anger returned as she addressed his girlfriend saying "err Carissa right?"

"Yes" the young woman smiled and nodded.

"I'm fine" her pale hand came to rest on Carissa's shoulder "it was obviously a mistake coming here"

"Obviously" snapped Chakotay before he turned his back completely on her to try to collect his thought.

Carissa looked at him wide eyed as she moved away from Kathryn to look her partner in the eye and yelled "Chakotay!"

Chakotay stared at Carissa for a second as their eyes met silently reading each other's thoughts until suddenly Chakotay spat "oh no!" he shook his head vigorously "no way!"

"Well where else is she going to sleep for the next few days?" Carissa begged on Kathryn's behalf.

"Don't worry I'll find somewhere" Kathryn muttered deciding she would just walk away as quick as she could.

"You said that was the only reason you wanted to find her" Carissa insisted watching as Kathryn began to walk away from them "now you have" Carissa insisted.

"Now I have I don't like what I see" snarled Chakotay at Kathryn's back.

"look I am sorry" Kathryn spun round to face him, her eyes and face awash with tears witch took Chakotay aback very much "I obviously disturbed your date excuse me" she whispered not taking her eyes from Chakotay's and she growled "this wreck of a woman can get by on her own"

Chakotay's face contorted into pain as he realised she had heard what he had said. He hadn't meant for her to hear, not like that. "You heard that?" he gasped at her in horror, his face showing regret.

"Maybe it is true" shrugged Kathryn as she truly began walking away from them. Chakotay just stood and watched stunned as she did so, she was actually walking on her own as well.

"Chakotay!" Carissa begged gesturing to the retreating Kathryn.

Chakotay couldn't see her on the street no matter how angry he was and he knew she had been counting on it which made him even more angrier. With a growl he gave in saying "Ok maybe Sekey can put her up for a few nights"

"Sekey?" Carissa was applaud but Kathryn had stopped walking "oh that's very brave of you Chakotay passing her on your sister"

"Well what would you have me do?" he asked his girlfriend deeply as Kathryn turned to face them. As he met Carissa's eyes he gasped and shook his head saying "Oh no! Carissa our house is crowded enough as it is!"

"It's three night's Chakotay!" She shrieked shocked and surprised he was being so proud and pig headed about it.

"Look I will be fine with Sekey" Kathryn said deeply raising her hands to try to break up their argument, she didn't want to cause them to fight, that was the last thing she wanted. "She and I haven't seen each other in a long time" She smiled feebly at Carissa to try to reassure her but the young woman wasn't happy.

"see" growled Chakotay keeping his eyes fixed on Kathryn, surprised to see her actually crying as he added "she's happy to stay with Sekey" this in a cool, cold stab he added "let's give the lady what she wants and be done with it"

"Chakotay what has gotten into you?" Hissed Carissa in a high pitched surprised voice.

Chakotay met Kathryn's eyes and looked at her in disgust as he replied to "she's about this tall" he measured Kathryn's height with his hand "flaming red hair" Kathryn held his gaze, she wouldn't turn away from his angry as he continued "Deep blue eyes" then he stepped close her and growled in her ear "and thinks she can treat people how ever she want's and they'll come running whenever she beckons" once again he slammed his fist on the wall just behind her as he leaned in and made a show of grabbing her shoulders, kissing her cheek roughly and then casting her aside as he scorned "not this tie Kathryn Janeway you hear me?" as he turned his back on her ridged and shocked frame she yelled "not this time"

"Chakotay…." Kathryn whispered in her deep voice as she came up behind him and placed her hand on his arm.

What happened next happened so fast all three of them were left ridged and stunned. Chakotay spun round in rage at her gentle touch and shoved her hand off his arm yelling "get off me!" as he did so his eyes met with her tearful eyes and all the pent up, held in rage for her came gushing out. His hand flew up and before he could stop himself his breathing quickened. Carissa shrieked as the back of his hand collided full force with Kathryn's face sending her hurtling to the ground. The smack of flesh hitting flesh was so loud it didn't need to be questioned how hard he had hit her. Her hand went up to her face as she felt the sting still cold on her cheek, her lip cracked open as she had bit down with the surprise force. She felt the metallic tang of blood in her mouth as she hit the floor with a crash. Chakotay froze and looked down as he towered above her realizing what he had done he simply let out a gasp as he groaned "Spirit's"

**AUTHORS NOTE...**

**chakotay isn't really violent ... just made a mistake.**  
**sorry if you don't like it. i wasn't sure weather to keep it in or not, and i went for keeping it in... its a tough call when writing angst how far to go and i feel in the show because the show had to be for family ages the real angst of their relationship couldn't be played out.**  
**as for why hes angry... its all to be reviled shortly... i don't believe in playing all the hand of the story in one chapter... makes for boring reading and writing.**

**please stick with me. Reviews welcome.**


	28. Chapter 28

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty Eight.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Thank you for all the comment's PM's and reviews, I know there are those who don't like what happened at the end of the last chapter and don't like the way the story is going, and sorry I have disappointed you there. There are those who feel I always write Chakotay to be a violent character, even towards Kathryn. I don't see him as violent here, I see a man with a lot of pain and anger and hurt and he made a mistake, a big one, one that isn't going to be easy to mend, but I think he knows that. Thank You, reviews and comment's always welcome. More very soon!**

"No you get out of my house!" She yelled, her temper rising, brother or not she would not have him here, she would not stand for it.

Chakotay turned to face his little sister a mixture of emotions washed over him as he met her deep, determined eyes she looked so like their mother as she stared at him rage in her eyes. "Sekey!" he tried to plead with his little sister.

Sekey straightened up the prayer blanket over her sofa as she shouted "NO!" in determined rage at him.

She continued to move around her sitting room trying to ignore him by tidying up as he watched his little sister he saw the anger and discomfort in her face it hurt him to see. He felt awful for what he had done, no amount of pain or anger should have driven him to do what he had done to his beloved and yet he had. "Please!" he gasped feeling awful inside "Let me explain!"

Sekey only scowled at him before she turned away again and snapped "Carissa already told me what happened!" then as though fed up at being angry she sighed and slumped slightly before slowly turning to her beloved big brother and meeting his eyes in sadness and confusion and asked "What got in to you big brother?" as she turned to face him he saw sadness in her eyes.

"I didn't mean to" he insisted but as soon as he said it he hear how terribly feeble it sounded. The look in her eyes made him relive what he had done, he had struck a woman to the ground and not just any woman, Kathryn Janeway, he had struck Kathryn Janeway to the ground, and he hadn't even cared enough to say hi or ask her how it was she was able to stand tall again. Then her parting words or a fearful goodbye a year ago rung in his ears _"I promise Chakotay, I can't be what you deserve now, not like this but I promise you, as soon as I can I will go alone to Trebus and I will stand tall before you. That you can be sure of." _Slouching into Sekey's newly tidied sofa he buried his face in his hands. He wanted to break down for what he had done, he wanted to destroy himself. She had kept her promise, she had come to him and he had stuck her down like some animal.

Sekey suddenly felt sorry for her big brother though inside she was still shocked and raged by his actions. Too many times he had gotten into scrapes or on the wrong side of the crowed over the years, when was he ever going to learn to sort his life out. Voyager had been the best thing that had happened to him, so was Kathryn Janeway, now look at them. Sekey sank into the seat beside him and rested her hand on his knee saying softly "Oh Chakotay you've messed up this time and I can't fix it for you"

Chakotay raised his head tears of guilt and shame in his eyes. Sekey knew what was coming, he was going to ask her to help him make up with Kathryn, he was going to ask her to force Kathryn to see him, and the very least allow him into the room where she was, not this time, this time he had gone too far Sekey was sure of it. This time she wasn't on his side. "Please Sekey!" he began gently.

"No!" She yelled angry he would try after everything. She rose from her chair beside him and moved towards her front door, this time she would ask him to leave, this time he was wrong, big brother or not.

Chakotay stood to stand beside his sister as he said sadly "She's moving out" there were too many emotions going through his mind and too many things to be thinking about he decided to settle for just one of his problems, why could his life have been so perfect, well almost, this morning and be a total disaster this evening. Kathryn Janeway made an appearance once again he thought gruffly to himself.

Sekey turned to face him and demanded "Who is?" wondering if he were talking about Kathryn.

Running his hands through his hair Chakotay looked at his sister and said sadly "Carissa"

Sekey met her brother's eyes and told him "I know" when Chakotay looked surprised she admitted "I told her to"

"You did what?" Chakotay shrieked getting angry, he couldn't believe his sister would do that to be.

Sekey though she were younger and smaller was taking no messing, turning on her brother she yelled loudly at the top of her voice "So what are you going to hit me too?" these words took Chakotay aback as he realised what she had just said.

Horror struck by the implications from his young sisters words he stared at her and gasped "Sekey!"

"No Chakotay GET OUT!" she rounded on him her own anger getting the better of her.

Chakotay watched as his sister marched towards her front door and opened it expecting him to walk through "Please!" Chakotay sighed sadly looking deeply into his sisters eyes "I want to talk to her" Sekey could see the guilt and sorrow in his eyes but this wasn't her call to make, this wasn't her choice and right now Kathryn needed rest, she certainly didn't need to see him. Sekey shook her head firmly at him "please" he whispered "I need to see her"

Sekey stared her brother in the eye before saying softly "no" when Chakotay didn't move he only advanced on her further she screamed "No way!" and wanted to push him out her house. She was so angry with him and so ashamed her brother could do such a thing to any woman, but to Kathryn it didn't make sense. She didn't know what went on between the two of them but this was too far whatever it was and she would not stand for it in her house or anywhere near her house, brother or not.

Chakotay was exasperated and even more guilt ridden by the way Carissa and Sekey had reacted to him "Sekey you don't understand" he tried to insist.

"I understand perfectly" Sekey cut across him "she hurt you" she said the last sentence softly as she added gently "you came here, got on with your life" Chakotay watched his sister as she brushed the thick black hair from her eyes and folded her arms telling him "she showed up out of the blue and unannounced so you hit her" Chakotay was hit hard by her words, said that way it added even more to the gravity of what he had done but Sekey wasn't finished "hard across the face" she added deeply.

"Sekey!" he yelled in fury. He knew it was true but he didn't need her to say it so coldly.

Spinning on her brother she thumped his chest and yelled back at him "No Chakotay you listen up!" he looked down at the shorter woman who looked just like their mother when she got angry. Waiting for her to say something more they both locked eyes, both with heavy breathing and she rubbed her forehead before putting her hands on her hips and growling gently up at him "I had to use a dermal regenerator to fix her up"

Anger flashed away from Chakotay's eye's replaced by concern and guilt as he whispered deeply "Is she ok?" Sekey turned from her brother, only _now _had he bother to ask how she was. It shamed her and sickened her and if she was honest frightened her a little to see what he brother was capable of.

Spitting over her shoulder she told him sarcastically "She is asleep since you ask" Chakotay didn't miss the hint of anger in his sister's voice.

Realising even his beloved sister who would always stand by him was angry and ashamed by his actions. She had always been there over the years to pick up the pieces of the mess he had made. Suddenly it hit him hard in the gut as the image of his beloved sprawled on the floor at his feet, shock and horror in her eyes, blood from her lip and a sharp red hand print slapped across her beautiful pale face, his hand print filled his mind and he felt sick for the image. Tear's filled his eyes as he ran his hand through his hair and gasped "Oh Sekey what have I done?"

Sekey looked upon her brother, his pain and shame there but she wouldn't offer any sympathetic relief for that guilt and shame. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes for at that moment she was ashamed to call him her brother as she said softly a hint of pain in her own voice "hit Kathryn Janeway in the face"

Chakotay rounded on her and moved closer to her so he could hiss in anger "Thank a lot" Sekey slowly turned to meet her brother's eyes and as he met his he realised the threatening way he was facing her. Softening a little he backed away and snapped gruffly "will she stay here?"

Sekey narrowed her eyes at him before she told him "I don't know" when he looked confused at her she snapped angrily "she wasn't in any shape to argue when Carissa brought here"

Chakotay shook his head and turned from his sister and growled almost to himself "how is it that she is walking again?" Sekey watched her big brother as he ran his hand roughly through his tangled hair. She didn't know this man, this man was so unlike the brother she had come to love and admire over the years. What had the Delta Quadrant done to this man? What had his years of separation from Kathryn done to this man? What happened between them that drove two people so very much in love so far apart. Had he struck her before? The thought of it made her sick. He came home a year ago a dishevelled wreck talking of how injured and broken Kathryn was, had he struck her down when she was so unable to stand herself?

Taking a deep breath Sekey told her brother gruffly "according to B'Elanna she has been undergoing some intensive surgeries over the last few months" Now it was Chakotay's turn to be not only shocked but angry.

Turning on Sekey he grabbed her solder and yelled in her face "you've talked to B'Elanna?" Sekey yanked herself free from his grip and pushed him away. She hated her brother so much right now, she didn't know who he was and she wasn't sure she wanted to know.

"Of course I've talked to B'Elanna!" she yelled back at him "what would have me do?" her breathing was heavy and her anger flared as she looked at her brother in the eye and waited for a reply when he offered none she snapped at him "I can't heal her Chakotay!" Chakotay was about to reply to her when "I am not some fancy Starfleet medic"

"I only hit her Sekey" Chakotay sighed feeling so much guilt he felt it would destroy him.

"ONLY HIT HER!" Sekey was fuming now Rage was in her at his words. She reached up and slapped her big brother across the face. She wasn't a violent woman by nature but she couldn't believe he had just said that, she needed him to see what he had just said, she needed him to realise the way he sounded. As she lowered her hand she met his eyes and whispered softly "have you heard yourself?"

Chakotay bit on is jawline and tensed the muscles in his face "That didn't come out the way it should have" he hissed feeling the sting of his sister's slap on his face. Realisation at how much harder he had hit Kathryn.

When Sekey saw that her actions and words might have gotten through to him about the severity of his actions she placed her hand on his shoulder and whispered lovingly from behind "she's going to be fine Chakotay" Slowly Chakotay turned to face his sister , his eyes full of pain and filling with tears "Physically" Sekey added softly "I have no idea what you hitting her will do to her emotionally" Chakotay just closed his eyes but the image of her on the floor once again filled her mind.

Softly he hung his head and let the tears fall as he asked so quietly "can I see her?" Sekey looked at him and thought he was going to break down.

"Like I said, she's asleep" Sekey said softly as she shook her head and him and replied "and I can't make that choice for her"

Chakotay looked at his sister and asked softly "So you won't stop her from seeing me?"

Sekey regarded his words for a long moment and then nodded saying "If that's what she want's" A hit of a smile broke on is lips, hope, hope that maybe things might work out between them. "Only if she want's though brother" Sekey told him firmly to which he nodded. "But is that what you want?" she asked him seriously.

Chakotay was shocked and surprised at the question "or course" he insisted back at his sister who only shook her head at him.

"Chakotay" she said lovingly "brother" then she glanced towards the door behind which he assumed Kathryn was sleeping in the small wooden house his sister and Cocuhum her husband hand made a home "think about what you have done"

"I realise what I have done" he spat he too glancing at the door she had looked at and then the image of his own mother hiding behind such a door many years before filled his mind and he found himself sink to his knees in anguish as he cried out in pain "Oh spirit's I am no better than the Cardassians"

"Chakotay go home" Sekey whispered sadly placing her hand on her brothers shoulder "rest up, get something to eat" Chakotay lifted his head to look at her and she smiled softly at her big brother, he would always be his big brother no matter what he had done. "I will come and see you in the morning I promise"

"But Kathryn…." Chakotay began but was cut off by his sister.

"Is fast asleep" Sekey reminded him gently "she's had a long journey and her body has been under a lot of pressure" Chakotay hung his head in more shame as his sister knelt beside him and reminded him "and not just because you hit her"

"Stop saying that." She shouted turning his tear stained face to her.

"What because then it's easier for you?" she spat back holding her ground where they knelt on the floor.

"Sekey" he found himself crying like a baby before his sister, what he had become frightened him as much as it did her.

"B'Elanna said she hasn't yet fully recovered from her surgeries, we think her nausea and sickness is somehow directly related to some internal problems she has had since the accident" Sekey told him unsure what else to do or say to console the wreck her brother had become.

"I need to talk to her" he begged looking up, not even attempting to hide his tears or his guilt "I need to tell her how sorry I am" he insisted hoping his sister would understand "I was angry that's all, I didn't mean to hit her"

"Go home Chakotay" Sekey repeated firmly "She'll be safe here tonight" she reassured him to which he nodded "then it's up to her what she wants to do in the morning."


	29. Chapter 29

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Twenty Nine.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

Kathryn smiled warmly was she followed Sekey's gesture "and here is our school" Sekey smiled gesturing to a small wooden building carved with beautiful wood carvings that reminded Kathryn very much of Chakotay.

Kathryn's face lit up into a smile at the sight of it as she whispered honestly "it's beautiful" as she met Sekey's eyes the younger woman seemed pleased to have gotten Kathryn's approval.

Taking the opportunity she told Kathryn proudly "I have just got a Job as teacher" Kathryn turned to her and saw the joy in the dark eyes of this woman.

"Oh Sekey!" she exclaimed joyously "that is wonderful" to Sekey's surprise she leaned in and embraced her. As she drew away she saw the confusion in Sekey's eyes and explained "Chakotay told me how you always wanted to teach"

Sekey looked at this radiant white woman and regarded her before saying "my brother has told you much about me" Kathryn looked shocked until she saw the smile that reminded her so much of Chakotay.

Kathryn explained hurriedly hoping she hadn't offended "well sometimes on Voyager family was the only conversation that would keep anyone going"

Sekey smiled warmly at the knowledge that Chakotay had talked fondly of his family. She knew it hadn't always been the way. "Were you and Chakotay very close on Voyager?" she asked knowing by what Chakotay had shared he loved her very much. Sekey had met this woman only twice before, at the first arrival home of Voyager and at the pardoning hearing of the marquis. She had always regretted not making the journey for their engagement party six years ago.

Kathryn found herself smiling wistfully as she said deeply "I like to think we were"

Sekey saw the sad pang of regret in this woman's eyes as she talked and so quickly tried to change the subject saying "we hope to build a memorial to all those lost in the Great War right over here" she said quickly gesturing to a small piece of land.

Kathryn's eyes filled with tears. Sekey had been showing her around Trebus and it was exactly what Chakotay had always dreamed of. "That is beautiful too Sekey" she whispered her eyes filling with tears knowing Chakotay would have wanted this.

"Brother and I both feel father would be pleased" Sekey said wistfully.

Kathryn snapped from her thinking that it should have been Chakotay showing her around and smiled softly saying "I'm sure he would" when Sekey looked at her with concern Kathryn told her "I'm sure both your parents would be proud of both of you" they both knew Kathryn meant every word she was saying.

Sekey met her eyes with surprise wonder and whispered "you continue to care for my brother" the surprise and shock evident on her face.

"Sekey I will always care for your brother" she told her firmly and seriously meeting her eyes "he owns me" she announced which caused Sekey to gasp in concern as Kathryn finished seriously "mind, body and soul"

Sekey gasped again and asked "owns you?" fear ripped through her as she wondered what exactly Kathryn meant by 'owed her' her earlier thought that maybe he had hit her before gripped her as she rested her hand on her new friends arm and asked softly "Kathryn...?"

Kathryn suddenly realised what Sekey was thinking and jumped to Chakotay's defence "nothing like that" she insisted "nothing bad" Sekey suddenly felt relieved and yet confused as Kathryn smiled warmly and insisted "he's never lifted a finger to me till two days ago" Sekey was suddenly comforted by this "no I just mean I love him so much Sekey. I always have" Sekey was so touched by Kathryn's honesty about her feelings for her brother "I always will" Kathryn was smiling now as she looked at Sekey and laughed "I long for him when I'm not with him and my body yearns for his touch" at that Sekey cringed a swathed Kathryn's arm, she didn't need to know such intimate details though it pleased her. Kathryn laughed unashamed and shook her head saying "when I saw him with Carissa I was shocked" Sekey hung her head as Kathryn admitted "I suppose in my dreams I imagined him as lonely as I am"

Raising her head Sekey met her new friends deep blue eyes and admitted sadly "maybe he is" Kathryn was the one who looked surprised now as Sekey concluded "he's going to become a bitter old man"

"He's got Carissa" Kathryn pointed out as much as it pained her to say.

"She young, far too young for him" Sekey snapped shaking her head "very venerable and impressionable"

Kathryn smiled, she knew Sekey only meant well but Kathryn wouldn't shy from the truth no matter how much it hurt "she seems nice" Kathryn said softly and meant it.

Sekey nodded and said "oh she is" Kathryn too smiled and Sekey admitted "she lovely" then turned her head and said darkly "too lovely for him"

Kathryn raised her eyebrow in pretend offence and asked slowly "oh?..."

Sekey suddenly realised her error and jumped saying deeply "no I mean I..."

But Kathryn cut her off putting words in her mouth "that I'm lonely?"

"No that you are lonely for him" Sekey insisted hoping she hadn't really offended Kathryn.

Kathryn laughed and shook her head saying "I love him and need him very much" then realising what she had just said looked at his sisters smiling face and scowled saying "just don't tell him I said it"

Sekey carried on walking down the street and told her softly "he was asking after you again" before steeling a glance at Kathryn to see her reaction.

"Let him ask" scowled Kathryn trying hard to pretend she didn't care.

Sekey was suddenly sad, she knew if Kathryn walked away that would be it for her brother and the love of his life "but Kathryn the transport back to earth is in the morning" she pointed out softly hoping this would make her reconsider not talking to him tonight. If anything Sekey was on Kathryn's side but she sure hoped they would talk once she had seen how much Kathryn loved him and seen for herself how strong and forgiving this amazing woman was.

"About that..." Kathryn said slowly as she stopped walking to meet her friend's dark eyes.

Sekey saw hope there and gasped saying "you want to stay longer?"

Kathryn nodded hopefully as she told her "if I go back they want to reinstate me"

Sekey's eyes were wide as she gasped "as an admiral?" she knew this was the very thing that had pulled the two of them apart six years ago.

Kathryn looked sad as she hung her head saying "I'm not sure I'm ready to be Starfleet golden girl again" then with a heavy sigh she admitted what she thought she never would "there isn't anything for me on earth"

Sekey looked hopeful as she placed her hand on Kathryn's arm and whispered "then stay" as both the women met eyes she smiled.

"I'll compensate you" Kathryn smiled honestly "just while I work out where I am going"

"stop this talk of compensation Kathryn" Sekey insisted then before Kathryn could protest she took her hand and smiled "come on" pulling her up the street "there is more to see"

(+)(+)(+)

Chakotay marched into the café and scanned the room for his intended person. When he saw her, a smile twinge on his face. Sat alone, her back to him, her shoulder's bare in that damn beautiful dress, the same one she had worn for Tom's Luau party all those years ago. She sat contently looking out across the market, one leg cross over the other, both showing bare skin. Schooling his emotions so the smile didn't show across his face he walked up behind her and leaned in and almost growled in her ear "I thought I might find you here with your coffee" she jumped at the sudden intrusion of his voice in her thought's. Her thoughts about him but she wasn't going to tell him that.

Turning sharply to face him she scowled and then glared as she followed him with her eyes as he moved around the table and casually sank into the seat opposite her. "Can I help you?" she spat, angry boiling to the surface of her emotions. Her breathing quickened and her fist clenched around the handle of her coffee mug. She didn't take her sparkling blue eyes of him as he gazed at her unapologetically letting his eyes wonder over her bare shoulders. He didn't miss the heaving of her chest at his scrutiny but she didn't back down for her set jaw and tight glare.

His mouth twitched a little into a slightly dimpled smile as she folded her arms across her chest and gave a little growl to gain his attention back from her sowing cleavage. As he raised his head to meet her sapphire eyes he saw nothing but fire and rage in her eyes which was heightened by the way he casually said "lovely to see you again Kathryn" before turning and ordering a tea from a passing waiter. Lucky for both of them Larren didn't seem to be anywhere in sight.

Kathryn's jawline twitched as her muscle tensed but she let no other outward sign that he was bothering her. She wasn't scared of him as some people might of imaged she should be but she was very angry, and anger that was fuelled more by his casual demeanour and lack of any attempt of an apology. Tilting her head she raised an eyebrow and said just as casually "and here was me thinking you were glad to be shot of me" the fact she was so casual and her facial expression told Chakotay one thing, she wasn't angry she was seething. She was raging angry and he had learnt a long time ago a raging Kathryn Janeway was not so easy to navigate as an angry Kathryn Janeway.

He let his eyes linger on her face before he said deeply "You're angry?"

Kathryn didn't miss the hint of question in is voice and raised her eyebrow as she asked in a stern angry not surprised voice "you expected me not to be?"

Chakotay just sighed and rolled his eyes at Kathryn's somewhat cold and bitter responses to him "how are you after…"

"You hit me" she spat finishing his sentence for him in a less than pleasant manner.

Chakotay scowled at the way she was simply looking out over the market and swaying her bare leg over her knee and running her finger round the coffee mug as though she were board and didn't care much for the conversation. "Was going to say surgery" Chakotay told her lifting his own herbal tea to his lips.

Kathryn snapped her head up to look in his eyes and snapped "Fine" something in the way he looked at her caught his attention and he saw nothing but concern there and her voce softened as she added "thank you"

As Chakotay watched her he saw the sadness in her eyes and finally he found the courage to reach out and take her tiny plea and in his as he whispered "I really didn't mean to hit you Kathryn" she slowly turned to face him. She knew the significance in him taking her hand, the one he knew to have once been shattered but she wasn't ready for that tenderness, she wasn't ready to make up. Call her stubborn but too much had gone before between them for it to be a surface mend, they had to go deep if their relationship had any chance of surviving. She knew he knew it too by the way he looked at her.

Closing her eyes and drawing in courage with a deep breath she snapped her hand from his and narrowed her eyes and pouted her lips as she turned back towards the market and away from him and snapped "no?" in a sarcastic undertone.

"No" Chakotay repeated seriously feeling exasperated by her behaviour yet he knew he should be thankful she hadn't run away at the first sight of him, though that was always Kathryn, never run or hide from danger. Then he stopped that line of thinking because that would make him danger and he never wanted her to see him as dangerous. Not then not ever, no matter how angry he was with her.

"oh well that makes it all ok then!" she nodded slowly refusing to look at him, the deep pain and sarcasm lacing her voice in a way he had only hared a few times in the years he had known her, she was really very angry and wasn't going to back down at all from that anger.

Chakotay knew he had just as much right to be angry, he could meet her anger with his own just as badly. The guilt of hitting her had been eating away at him over the last two days but now her uninterested, sarcastic, and damn right annoying way or reacting to him was getting to him and he found himself bursting out in anger "stop it Kathryn!" as soon as he had raised he voice he regretted it, this was no way to quell the anger of Kathryn Janeway, and he ground his teeth together as she met his eyes and stared at him in that way she always did when she was angry, no… his heart stopped, her eyes weren't looking at him in anger they looked at him with deep disappointment.

Chakotay didn't have much time to dwell on the facial expression as she folded her arms and snapped at him "No!" then in a quieter undertone when she realised people where turning to look in their direction she hissed "I'm mad with you"

Chakotay met her tone and leaned closer to her growling "and I'm so angry with you" then he took the opportunity to lean back in his chair feeling smug with the shocked expression written across her face and added casually in his own sarcastic tone "if you hadn't forgotten"

Kathryn rolled her eyes and looked into her mug of coffee as she began taking sips from it Chakotay mimicked her actions with his cup of tea as he looked at her feeling smug he had managed to shut her up. After a minute or two she carefully placed her mug down on the table and asked "so that's it?" she met her eyes as she raised her head to look at him, she saw the confusion in the dark orbs and she added "we just sit here together in silence?" by way of explanation of what she meant

Letting out a snort of frustration Chakotay growled "so now you want to talk?"

Anger once again surfaced in her beautiful sapphire eyes and she snapped "I'm here aren't I?" then meeting his eyes firmly she told him "I came all the way to Trebus so we could talk"

At that realisation Chakotay stopped his line of thinking and softened, her parting words of promise a year ago filling his mind as he smiled warmly and took another sup of his tea saying softly "you look good"

She met his eyes expecting to see sarcasm but when she saw only honestly in his eyes and felt the joy of seeing that dimpled smile again she too smiled and said softly "thank you"

Chakotay had expected her to say more but when she offered no more he told her slightly awkwardly "Sekey said that B'Elanna said you had the surgery"

Her face smiled a little offering Chakotay some hope as she nodded and said "yes" then as she looked him up and down she said sadly "I promised you would" he just stared at her, she had promised many things when she sent him away a year ago, he hadn't listened then or truly believed she would. Sadly she reminded him "I promised you I would come to Trebus and stand proudly before you"

As Chakotay heard her words he heard the pain and regret in her voice and it hit him that was exactly what she had done, she had come to stand proudly before him. The image of her stood there on Trebus filled his mind and he felt in his heart not love exactly but pride, pride that she would keep her promise and that she would come here against all odds to keep that promise. Then the image of her on the floor after he had struck her filled his mind and his pride was replaced by a tremendous guilt. "Oh spirits Kathryn I'm so sorry" e whispered sadly as he hung his head.

Kathryn was in no mood to give into his guilt and she was in no mood to let him off lightly growling almost she snapped "you should be" before she downed the rest of her coffee contents and stood to walk away.

Chakotay too stood and snapped angrily "oh don't you dare come here and play all high and mighty"

Slowly Kathryn turned to look at him before she snapped "I didn't just hit you"

Grinding the teeth of his bottom jaw together Chakotay snapped furiously "Perhaps not physically" before slamming his fist on the table and sitting back down.

Kathryn's eyes were wide as she looked at him and saw his fury. Slowly she sank back into the seat opposite him, all the fire in her eyes apparently gone as she kept them on him. As she found her seat again she thought back tears as she whispered sadly "ok so let's get it out the way give it to me"

Chakotay turned to her, confusion and anger still evident in his eyes "what?" he snapped drawing his brows together.

Kathryn kept her eyes trained on him as she slowly placed both her hands on her Hawaiian covered knee and whispered softly in a trained still voice "you're angry about what happened in San Francisco"

Chakotay snapped very loudly without thinking "of course I am angry" Kathryn almost jumped in her seat at the loudness of his voice "you led me on" heads were turning now as Chakotay leaned into her furiously. Kathryn had to lean back in her chair to get away from his angry face "you made me believe there was a chance between us again and then you cast me aside, sent me away like I meant nothing to you" his breathing was heavy as he leaned closely to her face, Kathryn could feel his hat breath on her lips.

Her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head and gasped "cast you aside!" when he saw she wasn't meeting him with anger but with something much softer he leaned back a little as she insisted "that is not true"

"No?" he growled standing to his full height and turning his back on her.

"No" she insisted letting her tears fill her eyes as she looked up at him. How could he have thought she was casting him aside? How did he not understand why she did what she did? "I came here Chakotay" she remained him softly "I came here as your equal"

"A year later" he scoffed his anger still rising at her soft unaggressive way of meeting him.

She gasped as she instead "I had to have surgery to get here" when he showed her no response, when he didn't even turn to look at her she snapped angrily "do you have any idea what my body has been through to get here" suddenly feeling all her effort over the last year was wasted and unwanted.

Chakotay hung his head, his on sadness getting the better of him and he remained her "no I don't because you wouldn't let me share it with you"

"I couldn't" she replied softly and simply offering no more.

"couldn't or wouldn't" he scoffed finally turning to meet her eyes "what did you expect when you came here?" he demanded "That I would wait for you" Kathryn shook her head in sadness as he continued "that I would welcome you with open arms" at his final words he tears fell down her face and her blue eyes flashed with regret. Chakotay nearly laughed when he saw it and shook his head in surprise at her as he gasped "spirits you did didn't you"

"I didn't expect you to welcome me with open arms" she instead firmly then she found her own fury as she shouted back at him "I didn't however expect you to strike me" she could sense his pity for her, his pity or his amusement and she wouldn't stand for it.

"I am truly sorry for that Kathryn" he growled realising this was getting them nowhere, they were just going round in circles like a stale mate.

"I don't know who you are Chakotay" she whispered searching his cold dark eyes "the Chakotay I knew would never strike a woman"

"Maybe I am not the Chakotay you knew" he spat before he even had chance the think over what he was saying.

"Right" she nodded coldly standing and walking away as she growled furiously in question "that's it?"

"That's it" he nodded which in turn forced her to walk away.

Following her he said stiffly "Kathryn this is stupid" taking her arm trying to make her look at him.

Rounding on him in the dusty street not far from where he had hit her two days ago she yelled "oh so now I am stupid"

"I never said that" he replied stiffly.

When her fury met with his she softened enough to admit "I should never have come" then shaking her head at him she added "I am sorry"

"No Kathryn please" Chakotay begged as he realised the transport back to earth was first thing in the morning and she was about to walk away "I was angry" she stopped walking but didn't turn to look at him. She was giving him a chance, a chance to explain. "in san Francisco you let me believe there was something" her brows drawn together but still she didn't turn to him as he added "you kissed me" she spun round to protest but he concluded "more than once" she opened her mouth to say something she finished up coldly "hell you even asked me to stay with you and then just when I was about to agree to stay to insisted I took you home and you kicked me out your house"

"I was in hardly in any positing to kick you anywhere" she restored back in fury at how true his words were.

"Oh don't get smart" he growled stepping closer to where she stood tall, so radiant in that damn dress.

"Or what?" she tilted her head at him the way she always did "you'll hit me?" as soon as she said it she could kick herself, this was no way to move forward, they were both angry, and that both had right to be. Gasping she reached for him "I'm sorry I didn't mean that!" He spun round to meet her eyes, his laced with anger and fury.


	30. Chapter 30

**Betrayal and Turkey.**

**Chapter Thirty.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

The next thing Kathryn knew Chakotay was leaning in closer to her, his hand found it's was into her hair and rested on the back of her head, slowly his face leaned into her and before she knew what was happening or was able to stop him his lips softly and gently met with hers. The taste of coffee he had missed so much suddenly invaded Chakotay's senses, a taste he had longed for. She held there for a second and let him kiss her. Part of her wanted to stay there, part of her wanted to allow this beautifully loving assault of her lips but she knew she couldn't no matter how many sleepless nights she had longing for him to kiss her stood tall on the streets of Trebus like he was now. Slapping his chest with her hand she forced herself away from the tender kiss as she yelled "get off!" as soon as she shouted he backed off, he didn't even try to fight or complain about it. Surprised she met his eyes, his dark eyes only looked at her with love as she gasped at him with confusion and shock "what the hell are you doing?" she snapped unforgivingly wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as though in disgust. A gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Chakotay though he chose not to say anything. About it though the hurt was written in his eyes.

"I'm sorry" he gasped stepping back and looking at her , when she only looked up and scowled with her death glare firmly in place he felt frustrated as he snapped "Spirits Kathryn I am sorry, I didn't mean…." But his voice trailed off when she folded her arms and stared furiously at him "I mean I did mean..." to which she pulled a face and he concluded "you're looking beautiful and I…"

A smile threatened to crack into her features, it wasn't like Chakotay to mince his words or blubber what he was saying. "Chakotay" she sighed wanted to burst out laughing as she stood staring at him pulling on his ear lone.

"Yes?" he asked lowering his hand from his ear and looking at her with concern.

Tilting her head and raising her eyebrow she almost laughed "shut up"

Closing his eyes at frustration of her not taking him seriously she snapped "I'm trying to say you look nice"

Hanging her head and folding her arms she smiled and asked softly "by kissing me?"

"Most women would take a kiss as a compliment" he told her frustrated.

"firstly I am not most women" she snapped at him her blue eyes flashing at him "secondly you are in a relationship with a another woman" she gestured at him furiously with both her hands "and thirdly I am still very angry with you" she growled through gritted teeth and with that she pounded his chest with her hands a few times and when satisfied she nodded at him with her eyes narrowed and her jaw set.

If Chakotay was annoyed with her he didn't show it as he asked softly "is there any way I can make it up to you?" He wanted to take her beautiful tiny body in his arms and hug her. She looked beautiful in that dress, he remembered the first time he had seen it, many years ago on Voyager, she was a little younger then but so was he. But she still fitted well into and was every image of beauty still.

"No" she scowled looking out over the market. Suddenly something caught her eye, platting his chest lightly she walked away from him without a word as though interested in something.

Chakotay was confused by her reaction and it took him a second to realise she was moving away from him into the crowed of the market. "Please Kathryn don't walk away" he called half running after her. When she didn't stop walking and didn't even turn to acknowledge him calling her he leaned in and grabbed her hand softly asking in a deep begging tone "please"

His touch made her stop walking but she didn't turn to him as she stood letting him hold her hand and asked softly "why not?"

Tears filled his eyes as he looked at her stiffening back, her shoulders were read where she had caught the sun on Trebus's desert but that wasn't what had got his attention the most. There on her shoulders, all the way down her right side especially was deep, red and white scaring. Chakotay could only assume this was from the accident or the surgery, or both but it saddened him to see. Drawing in a breath he almost begged "please don't go back to earth like this"

Shaking her head, refusing to let him in again she told him with all the courage she had "Chakotay you had your chance, it's long gone now" as she slowly turned to him she wished she hadn't because she saw nothing but pain and sorrow flicker through his eyes. She too was trying to fight back tears, trying to stay strong because deep down all she wanted was him.

Chakotay saw the intent in her eyes and knew she was going to walk away. He freely let the tears fall from his as he almost begged "no please Kathryn…."

Kathryn took a deep breath, she felt his hand reach her face and she stiffened until she realised he was wiping away the tears which had fallen from her eyes without her realising. "Chakotay…" she warned reaching up and taking his hand from her face, her eyes still shut gently.

"I love you" came Chakotay's soft and gentle voice which shocked her.

Her eyes flashed open and she met his gaze as she gasped "what?" in surprise.

"I love you Kathryn" Chakotay repeated firmly not taking his eyes from her "I just wanted you to know before you go home tomorrow."

Hanging her head Kathryn contemplated telling him of her decision to stay but decided better of it and shook her head, setting her aw and saying firmly "Chakotay I can't do this now" Chakotay didn't miss the slight hint of begging in her words.

Shaking his head sadly he lowered his hand from her light grip and turned away slightly saying "I'm so sorry Kathryn" with such a sad heavy sigh in his voice.

Feeling responsible for his sorrow and yet overcome with emotions she sighed at him saying deeply "look please I just need some space" she was hopeful her words would offer him some comfort somehow, even though she didn't know how it would.

Chakotay felt his anger flare back in "I'm sorry I should never have interrupted you" he growled nodding towards the café where she had been peacefully sat drinking her coffee.

Smiling she softened a little as she rested her hand on his chest, his heart beat faster at her touch as some smiled warmly "I was thinking actually" she told him taking a breath before saying "about you" at her words he looked at her with such hope in his eyes as she turned quickly and added "about what we once had" then she admitted softly "what happened between us" as she admitted this he took the daring step and wrapped his arms around her. He was surprise she sank into him where he stood behind her as her hands went up to rest on his arms coving her chest as he wrapped them tightly around her she asked in her deep distant voice "life was so much simpler back on Voyager wasn't it?"

Kissing her now long silky auburn hair he whispered deeply in her ear "you think Voyager was simple?"

She pulled from him and turned back to him nodding "We were a family" closing her eyes she lowered her head. Opening her eyes again she watched as she drew pattern's in the sand with her feet as she did this she admitted "we missed you the other day at the reunion" when Chakotay didn't reply he only watched her she once again closed her eyes and allowed herself to admit "I missed you" then with a distant throaty laugh she told him "I think I convinced myself after you came last time you might come again"

Feeling regret at letting her hopes down he sighed and admitted "I suppose I was angry after last time"

Raising her head she met his eyes and asked softly "are you still angry now?"

"Maybe a little" he nodded not taking his eyes from hers. When he saw only pain there he smiled slightly and turned away saying "more hurt than angry"

"I am sorry" she whispered hoarsely as though something was stuck in her throat "I didn't mean to lead you on" shaking her head she insisted "that wasn't what I wanted"

Turning back to her, pain evident in his eyes he stopped close to her and looked down into her beautiful sapphire eyes staring up at him and asked "Why did you kiss me" at the question she tilted her head away at the intensity of his closeness and stare. Lifting his hand he used his forefinger and thumb to gently guide her face back to him as he asked "why did you come with me to San Francisco and ask me to stay with you if you didn't mean it"

Holding her face looking at his she met his eyes. Her chest beating heavily as tear sprang once more into her deep blue orbs as she instead "I did mean it" the intensity in which they stared at each other was mystifying. Holding his gaze she insisted firmly "really I did"

Confused and unsure Chakotay shook his head at her in question "but?"

Pulling away she looked around her at the beauty spanning this world and she asked softly and sadly "how could I ask you to leave Trebus, to leave this beauty for me" he watched her as she once again hung her head and said deeply "I was a useless cripple" then turning back to him she folded her arms slightly and admitted "I still am"

"You're not a cripple" he snapped frustrated at her for saying something alike that about herself "you are not useless"

Tear filled her eyes, how could she tell him? How could he understand? Deciding not to go that far, not to tell him she shook her head and admitted "but I was"

"You were injured" Chakotay pressed watching her closely "you were not useless"

"Chakotay?" she asked almost as though she hadn't heard him.

"Kathryn?" he asked back at her to let her know he heard her.

Slowly her eyelids flicked up to meet his eyes. He was close now, so close, his breath was warm against her face. Her heart was pounding as she whispered softly "Your hand is on my face"

His smiled broke, dimples flashing as he let his thumb run softly over her cheek as he admitted "I know"

Without breaking eye contact she didn't pull away as he had expected her only raised her hand to place it on his where it rested on her cheek as she asked "why?"

Not moving his hand, silly caressing her with his thumb he asked lovingly "how can I ever make up to for what I did?"

Raising her eyebrow but nor did she lower her hand she whispered "I don't think you can" then she squeezed his hand where it rested exactly where he had struck her a few days before and she asked "how can I forgive that?"

"I didn't know" he said sadly, tears filling his eyes "please Kathryn"

"Please what?" she asked softly lowering her hand and placing it gently on his chest.

Taking a deep breath he pushed saying "at least tell me you don't love me"

"Chakotay…." She said softly pulling away "don't"

"Go on Kathryn tell me you have no feelings for me" he pressed pushing her emotionally a little harder.

"Why do you think I am here, if not because I love you?" she told him, her eyes letting the tears fall but her face turned from him.

Chakotay looked as though victory had come to him as he pressed "So you do love me" slowly his beautiful, tear filled Kathryn nodded her head. With a smile he took her hands and pulled her to him unrelenting as he demanded firmly "Say it"

Trembling slightly with emotion she tried to pull away but he wouldn't let her. "I love you Chakotay" she gasped softly "damn you I love you" with that she beat his chest and he allowed her. As tears fell uncontrollably and he thought she was going to fall with the emotional pressure she told him in a deep rich voice "I always have"


	31. Chapter 31

**Betrayal and Turkey **

**Chapter 31.**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

**Very sorry for the delay. I had some quite negative PM's and review about this story in the last few chapters and it was very disheartening. I almost decided to not finish but then realised there are some readers out there who do enjoy it, and besides anyway I enjoy writing it so I don't need to give it up. For those who say the characters are out of character from those on the show, yes in some ways they are, but I intended that. I am exploring the characters Paramount gave me in a deeper level which they were unable to do in 40 minutes CHILD FRIENDLY episodes. **

Chakotay stood suddenly stunned and rooted to the spot. Had she really said what he thought she had said? Had she really just told him she loved him? "Kathryn?" he gasped, gently grabbing her wrists to hold her and stop her from pounding his chest.

"I'm sorry" she whispered sorrowfully meeting his eyes and knowing that to walk away now would pain him but it was something she had to do. As tears began to roll down her cheeks she closed her eye against the onslaught of emotion and whispered "please just leave me alone"

"Kathryn" Chakotay begged raising one hand to cup her face and feeling the pain when she turned away from him instantly, keeping her face from his reach "Please"

Kathryn closed her eyes and forced herself to back away. She wasn't really making much effort or putting up much of a fight to get away but somewhere inside of her she knew she had to, she had to get away, and he was with another woman if nothing else. She would not be his old mistress nor would she take him from another "Chakotay…." She was fully crying now. Fear was washing over her at his touch, she didn't like his hand near her face after what had happened three days ago yet she would never freely let that on to him.

"Kathryn" Chakotay whispered sadly letting go of her and allowing her to back away "I should have been the one to show you around not my sister"

Kathryn smiled sadly at him in a warm and yet distant way before she glanced around her and turned her face up to the burning sun saying "honestly Chakotay Trebus is beautiful" with a radiant smile across her face.

Chakotay watched her and saw how free and open she was, it warmed his heart to see, she was beautiful. The golden rays of the sun on her face made her seem so much more alive as her eyes shone beautifully. Chakotay too smiled warmly, a beaming dimpled smile. "I'm glad you think so" he told her for he knew she was telling the truth.

Kathryn lowered her head from looking into the sky and told him seriously as she looked in his direction almost distracted "It has so much potential" the smile on her face was small but it was enough for Chakotay to feel encouraged, she always had that effect on him.

"It's taken a while to get this far" he pointed out softly still keeping a distance from her unsure whether she was about to walk away or stay.

"Give it time Chakotay" she pressed softly moving closer to him, the wind in her hair making her look so much freer than he had seen her in many years. If he was honest, he liked it.

Smiling he reached out to softly brush the stands of hair from her face. It was then she jumped, a look of wide eyed terror flashed across her face as she backed away slightly. Kathryn's eyes were wide as she met Chakotay who was looking at her with a stunned and confused expression on his face. Moving closer he went to move closer to cup her face in his hands but she slapped his hand away quickly with her and looked at him with a look of horror in his eyes "Kathryn?" he asked drawing his brows together with confusion on his face "what's wrong?" he was concerned and worried why she had suddenly reacted that way. Fearing she might again be unwell he went to wrap his arm around her shoulder, her breathing heavy and her face a sickly pale colour.

"Sorry" she almost blurted out feeling horrible for being frightened of him "I'm just a little jumpy" she tried to brush it aside as though it were nothing but they both knew it wasn't. She gestured towards the street leading to the part of town where Sekey lived and she shook her head at him asking "please" her eyes filled with tears as she looked at him but continued to back away saying "give me time" Chakotay made no effort to follow her as she smiled weakly and whispered "goodbye Chakotay"

Kathryn was gone and out of his sight before he could say anything else leaving him feeling stupid as he simply stood there. Sadly he hung his head and growled in a deep voice "goodbye"

(+)(+)(+)

Kathryn took a deep breath as she tapped lightly on the wooden door to the house, she didn't know what a welcome she would get but she hoped it wouldn't be a bad one. This was the third time she had tapped the door and was just beginning to wonder if anyone was home and was about to leave when slowly the wooden door swung open and Kathryn found herself looking into a surprised yet warm pair of deep dark eyes. "Admiral Janeway" the young woman gasped, clearly very surprised to see her visitor. Suddenly jumping as though remembering her manners she jumped out the way and opened the door wider saying sweetly "come in"

Kathryn tried to smile softly as she walked past Chakotay new girlfriend as she entered her home. Carissa closed the door behind her as Kathryn turned and asked in a deep voice "I hope I'm not intruding?" Carissa met her eyes as Kathryn added turning to face the young and slightly shocked woman behind her "Sekey told me where you're living now"

Carissa still clearly in shock stood staring at Kathryn for a second before suddenly finding herself and saying "no not at all" then moving past the older woman she gestured for her to moved further into the large room towards the fire "come in" Kathryn followed her towards the open fire and looked around, the houses of Chakotay's people reminded her so much of him. "Sorry it's so messy, I've only just moved back in" Carissa said awkwardly trying to gather up blankets and other things and get them off the sofa. Kathryn smiled in a way she hoped was warm but Carissa was acting in a way that reminded her very much of the ensigns and cadets back at Starfleet and the way they always acted around her, then Carissa muttered "I've never had an admiral in the house" and Kathryn knew she really was acting like a cadet. "Well in fact I've never met and admiral before" Carissa corrected herself almost apologetically.

With a crooked smile the older woman raised her palm towards the younger woman and drew her brows together saying "please it's just Kathryn" When Carissa looked at her confused Kathryn added "I am afraid I resigned" she didn't sound at all apologetic though Carissa got the sense that there was some sadness there.

"Oh" the young woman smiled softly feeling suddenly awkward and unsure what to say "well err…. Kathryn" she said stiffly meeting the older woman's eyes "how's your face?"

Kathryn was surprised and confused by what she meant for a second and then when in dawned on her she was referring to Chakotay hitting her instantly shot her hand up to rest on her cheek and said softly "It's ok" Then with a sad smile not meeting the younger woman's eyes she continued "Sekey fixed it up and it's not that bad really"

Carissa was sad as she insisted "I've never seen him so angry before" her eyes were wide at the memory as she told Kathryn "it was scary"

It was a long while where both women stood and stared at each other until it was Kathryn who broke the silence by admitting painfully "I hurt him very badly"

Carissa wouldn't take excuses for him, the young woman scowled at her, Kathryn wanted to smile, it reminded her so much of a glare that even she would be proud of. Carissa looked sad as she said "I still can't believe he hit you"

Kathryn watched the young woman for a few seconds before admitting "nor can I really" upon seeing the anger and pain in Carissa's eyes Kathryn sighed and rested her hand on the younger woman's arm and whispered reassuringly "Carissa, Chakotay is not a bad man" it pained her to be encouraging another woman to have a relationship with the man she had loved for so long sadly she smiled and took a deep breath to tell her "and he's not a man you need to be scared of"

Carissa turned from her shaking her head and began stoking her fire and lifting a heavy pot of some sort of vegetables and she said calmly "strange how you're the one coming here to defend him" Kathryn stood watching her unsure what to say, it had been three days since the incident at the market when Kathryn had first arrived on Trebus. She felt sad for this woman who was supposed to be Chakotay's girlfriend, he had tried to talk to her at least four times "I haven't seen or heard from him since we moved out" Kathryn just stood there apparently he hadn't even bothered to contact his own girlfriend, that made her feel angry with him.

As she stood there feeling awkward, Carissa not even looking at her, the young woman's words going round and round in her head it dawned on her what Carissa had just said. Folding her arms and raising an eyebrow she asked softly "we?" the confusion evident in her voice.

"Yes me and Tia" Carissa nodded turning to face the older woman with a smile which fell when she saw that Kathryn was looking confused.

"Tia?" Kathryn asked tilting her head to the side in a very admiral kind of way.

Carissa bit her bottom lip and drew her brows together before nodding and saying "my daughter"

Kathryn felt a great thump hit her chest, Chakotay had not told her about a child. She had known he had always wanted children, something she had not provided him; of course he would waste no time in becoming a father. Clothing her eyes Kathryn tried to fight back the tears as she took in a deep breath and forced herself to look happy as she asked "daughter?"

Carissa too sighed as she asked "he didn't tell you about Tia?"

"No" Kathryn admitted still fighting her tears "I'm sorry" She gave a sad crooked smile and tried to back away towards the door saying hurriedly "I should go"

"no stay" Carissa almost begged confused why Kathryn was suddenly upset "please" the young woman asked softly "I've heard a lot about you"

Kathryn was genuinely surprised by this and almost gasped wide eyes as she asked "me?" if she was honest she had heard very little of this woman and couldn't understand where for how she could have heard about her.

Carissa smiled and nodded telling her "yes from Chakotay and Sekey"

Kathryn's heart sank, what had Chakotay been saying about her? With all the anger he held towards her over the last few years she was surprised Carissa had even let her into her home. "Oh" she felt herself sighing through fear of what Carissa might think of her now. Kathryn had never seen herself as a fearful person but she had always been driven what people thought of her, even if she didn't like to show it.

Carissa smiled and turned back to her boiling pot on her stove and began ladling some of the greenish liquid into a clay bowl and handed it to Kathryn who looked at it confused, Carissa smiled and told her "Green herbal tea, one of Chakotay's favourite"

"Ah" nodded Kathryn with a faint smile as she took a cautious sip while watching Carissa ladle herself a cup.

Carissa wasted no time in explaining "Sekey warned me he was still very much in love with you" Kathryn froze with her cup half way to her mouth as Carissa casually continued "I chose to carry on with a relationship anyway" shrugging he snorted and turned to face Kathryn as she said "everyone said I could never compete with the great Kathryn Janeway"

Kathryn felt socked by that and shook her head firmly at the younger woman she hardly knew insisting "Carissa I am not great" shaking her head she snorted and turned away saying "far from it" Carissa looked sad as Kathryn spun round to face her and insisted firmly "and I have no intention of taking him from you or asking you to compete for his affections"

Carissa simply stood and regarded the older woman for a long time who was actually quite a bit softer than she, seeing the determined look in her blue eyes Carissa wanted to smile, she had never seen a white person and their blue eyes up close, they were in fact as dazzling as Chakotay had described. Taking a deep breath she looked at her and asked simply "No?"

Kathryn stared at her wide eyes and insisted firmly "no" closing her eyes she whispered deeply "Carissa I accept he is with you now" then slowly opening her eyes Kathryn smiled her crooked smile and admitted "ok I admit I came here with the hope of rebuilding a relationship but I accept that chance is gone. I am happy for you now." Her voice was serious and firm.

Carissa didn't seem to let on in anyway how she was feeling and simply just stood there staring at the older woman. She seemed almost surprised when she asked "You are?"

"Of course" insisted Kathryn.

If Carissa was going to reply Kathryn didn't get to find out what she was going to say because there was a crying sound from the next room. The young woman sighed and hurried off towards where the crying was coming from and returned shortly with a buddle in her arms and announced proudly "This is Tia"

Kathryn's heart beat violently inside her chest as she looked down at the now seemly content baby in Carissa's arms. The child was tanned skinned, a thick mop of jet back hair showing on her head and ever calm chocolate brown eyes staring up at her "She's beautiful" Kathryn whispered honestly, tears filling her eyes as she looked down in the child's face, her breathing involuntary quickened as she realised another woman had given Chakotay what she had not.

"Thank you" Carissa replied proudly as she still looked down into her child's face.

"She looks just like you" Kathryn smiled softly trying to reign in her tears as she said in her deep rich voice "You and Chakotay must be very proud"


	32. Chapter 32

**Betrayal and Turkey**

**Chapter 32**

**By Hoppinghamster.**

**Thank You for all the interest in this story, hope you like where this is headed. **

**Thank You also for the interest in my other stories, I am aware I have a few unfinished stories on her but I am only working on one story at a time but it is my intention to finish ALL my stories in due time. Sorry if I have left anyone hanging. Things in the real world can be sometimes busier than expected but all my stories will be completed as soon as possible so keep your eyes out for the updates! Thank You.**

Carissa didn't even bother to hide the shock on her face, then confusion and then Kathryn watched as realisation dawned and then Carissa almost burst out laughing until she managed to control herself upon seeing the hurt in Kathryn's well trained blue eyes. Raising her hand Carissa tried to wipe the smile form her face saying "sorry" then shaking her head and asked "Chakotay?" when she saw Kathryn was still looking at her with the picture of seriousness Carissa told her new friend "Chakotay's not the father"

It was Kathryn's turn to not even hide her surprise "He's not?" she asked, her heart suddenly calming down a little.

"no" Carissa smiled placing her hand on the shorter woman's shoulder "oh spirit's no" giving her shoulder a squeeze she reassured "Chakotay and I got together after Yaham, her father, left"

Kathryn's mouth fell open as she gasped and said deeply "Oh"

If Carissa was offended in any way she didn't let on, smiling she told Kathryn "Chakotay and I have only been together a few weeks"

"Oh" Gasped Kathryn watching her and then tried to explain herself adding "I thought with you having been living together…"

Carissa cut across her shaking her head and saying "This is Yaham's home, really I shouldn't be here, but for the sake of Tia he lets me stay until I can find somewhere" Kathryn just nodded in reply unsure what to say having not met this Yaham or knowing anything about his relationship with Carissa or his daughter. Carissa jumped to the man's defence saying firmly "he's not a bad father, he and I…. well we just didn't work out"

Kathryn smiled her understanding and asked "so you moved in with Chakotay?"

"He was keen" Carissa sighed sadly then with a shrug she turned away and added "desperate even" Kathryn felt very sad to hear Chakotay descried as a desperate men willing to take anyone. It was Carissa's turn to look sad as she admitted "sekey warned me" turning back to Kathryn the younger woman met her eyes and said softly "she warned me he was trying to purge himself of the love he still held for the distant white woman, the long lost Starfleet Admiral"

Kathryn hung her head and said sadly "I can't answer for him" it did sadden her to learn he had been with another woman and pining after her the whole time but it did raise her hopes but she hoped Carissa wouldn't see she was happy by this news.

Carissa did notice and it made her happy to see, this Kathryn janeway was a beautiful woman and everything Chakotay had ever said she was and she was honest and fair just as he had said. Smiling at her Carissa said "but you're going to tell me he's not a bad man"

"he's not" Kathryn once again insisted firmly but when she looked at the younger woman she saw that she did in fact agree with her. There was more to it than Kathryn was letting on.

Taking a seat near the fire Carissa decided to ask straight out "do you still love him Kathryn?" When Kathryn just stood and stared at her the young woman gestured to a chair opposite her "please sit down"

Slowly Kathryn sat and tried to think what the best thing to say would be "Thank You" was all she offered at first in reply to being told to sit. Carissa smiled softly but kept her eyes trained on her wanting her to answer the question. Taking a deep breath Kathryn nodded honestly and said "I do"

Carissa nodded with respect at the older woman and said softly "Thank You for your honesty" Kathryn smiled a brave smile as Carissa told her "it takes bravery to come here this way and admit that"

Kathryn tilted her head in the younger woman's direction and told her "you deserve the truth" then shaking her head slowly she told her "I didn't want to hide from you"

Carissa nodded and told her seriously "he still loves you a lot" it pained the younger woman to say, she had hoped, dreamed, of a life with Chakotay but she had always known it wouldn't be quite how she had hoped and now she had actually met this beautiful white woman who held Chakotay heart she understood why.

Kathryn asked softly and genuinely "what about you?"

"he never really loved me" Carissa was quick to admit honestly, she liked the honour this older woman was showing her and the respect she gave her as the one Chakotay was in a relationship with, she just hoped she could make her see that Chakotay was never going to love anybody but her, and that if she loved him they were perfect together.

"I'm sure he did" Kathryn told her, but they both new more out of politeness than anything else.

"He thought he did" Carissa admitted with a sad smile as she looked down at the child she still held in her arms and slowly and sadly corrected himself "or rather he wanted to"

Kathryn gave the younger woman the decency of insulting her intelligence as she sighed and said honestly "I'm sorry"

Carissa shrugged and offered a sad smile saying "I made a choice" then once again looking down at her beautiful sleeping daughter she said softly "I needed somebody to be a father figure for my child" Kathryn smiled warmly as Carissa admitted "he deserves more than that"

Kathryn didn't mother to argue or disagree with her she just said simply and honestly "you daughter is beautiful"

Carissa saw the longing in Kathryn's deep blue eyes as she looked at Tia and asked gently "do you have any children?"

"No" Kathryn almost laughed as though it was a stupid thing to ask "in Starfleet I didn't have time for that kind of thing"

Carissa was almost shocked as she asked "do they ban it?"

"No" admitted Kathryn slowly "no they don't but it takes great strength and courage to be able to do both"

"Maybe" Carissa said slowly but when Kathryn didn't respond and continued to look sadly at the child Carissa cut to the core of things "looks Kathryn I am sorry I don't really know what you want from me"

"I came to defend Chakotay" Kathryn told her honestly and equally as matter of fact "to tell you he's not a bed man" Carissa just held her eyes and didn't respond as Kathryn almost begged "and to ask you to take him back"

Carissa just stared at her and then stood and shook her head at Kathryn as she too stood. Then she told Kathryn "it's not me who needs to realise those things" Kathryn was shocked as Carissa concluded "it's not me who needs to take him back"


	33. Chapter 33

**Betrayal and Turkey**

**Chapter 33**

**By Hopping Hamster**

**Ok so I wrote this one NEARLY all finished and then my computer crashed…. When It started up again I hadn't saved the document and WORD could only recover the first three lines so I had to do it all again…. sorry! **

Chakotay walked up the path to high house on the outskirts of town near the and immediately got the sense that something wasn't quite right. It wasn't quite how he had left it. His curtains were drawn! He an almost certainly opened them that morning so why were they closed now? Almost silently he laid the axe and carving tools he had been working with down on the floor against the wall and swiftly took his federation phaser from his belt. Reaching out he put the key in the lock and turned. His copper brown hands almost sweating as he silently stepped inside his house, immediately he sensed it smelt different, they air was different, it was different. As he moved closer into his sitting room and pulled aside a woven tapestry he was using as a dividing wall he knew he could sense somebody else in the room. He could hear the breathing and sense their presence. "Who's there?" he demanded pointing his phaser in the direction he was sure he sensed the person and demanded "Show yourself"

A small slim figure stepped into view but Chakotay could only make out the shape of a person, when they made no effort to say anything Chakotay feared raiders and with a swift movement had his arm securely round the feminine waist line and the phaser pressed against the woman's head. He knew it was a woman, she was tiny and delicate, her skin soft and she smelt beautifully feminine "Whoa!" She gasped in a deep voice then she exclaimed his name "Chakotay!" her deep voice was unmistakeable, she didn't need to say "it's me"

Still gripping her tightly with the phaser still pressed to her head he spun her around "Kathryn" he growled with a mixture of surprise, confusion and anger as he gazed into her deeply burning sapphire eyes.

"Hi" she smiled warmly, her blue eyes dancing as she tilted her head up to face him as she held her eyes with his she said softly "you could take the phaser from my head" she sounded casual but it hit Chakotay hard in the gut when she said it. Almost instantly let go of her and backed away lowering the phaser.

Feeling shocked he had almost blasted her with his phaser he scowled as she stepped back from him rubbing her arm where he had grabbed her. "Are you trying to get yourself killed?" he demanded stiffly as he watched her.

Spinning to look at him her face cracked into a beautiful smile. With one clean sweep she reached out and grabbed the phaser from his hand and read aloud "Very low stun setting" almost with a hint of laughter in her voice she smiled and handed it back to him saying "that's my man" they both knew that on the very low stun setting even pressed right against her head he would have only knocked her unconscious for a few hours, no lasting damage would have been done and her certainly wouldn't have killed her. Snatching the phaser back from Kathryn Chakotay felt angry, she seemed to brush aside his ethics and laugh at him for not wanting to kill an intruder just for being there. There was a nagging question why she would call him _her man_ but he decided not to entertain that idea just then.

"What are you doing here?" he snapped throwing the phaser onto a nearby table but stepping in front of her to not allow her further into his house all though clearly she already had been in "how did you get in?" he snapped the second question at her even more forcefully that the first.

Noting his hostility and his unwillingness to allow her further entrance into his home she simply reached out her hand dangling a platted cord tied onto a sliver metal object and smiled saying casually "key"

Realising what she was holding out he snapped and demanded "Give me that" as he looked down at the small object in his copper brown palm, he recognised the platted cord, he had made it only last month. "Carissa" as he clasped his fingers around it in a fist and looked up at Kathryn with question and anger in his deep brown eyes.

Kathryn shrugged and admitted "I told her I would give it back to you"

"You went to see Carissa?" Chakotay spat back not ashamed to hide his anger at her for visiting Carissa.

Kathryn nodded and refused to let his anger dissuade her and she admitted "I went to see your girlfriend, yes" the way she had stressed her being his girlfriend was not lost on Chakotay.

Chakotay ground his teeth together and snapped angrily "She is not my girlfriend" then almost as though he were ashamed or upset to face it he hissed "she left"

Kathryn watched him, she saw the anger surfacing, she knew she had to say the truth; she had to speak her mind raising her head, setting her jaw and meeting his dark eyes and told him in a husky voice "She took her daughter to safety"

If he was angry before he was enraged now. His breathing quickened, he moved closer to her and grasped her elbow as he spat angrily in her face "are you saying she needs to protect herself from me?" she tried not to appear effected by his anger but right then everything in her wanted to back away but she knew she couldn't.

Stepping even closer to him she closed the distance and raised her face so her face was only centimetres from his as she slowly raised her tiny hand to rest on his beating chest as she told him softly "I am saying an angry warrior is not a role model for a child"

He failed to hear the softness in her voice of the look of love dancing in her watery blue eyes his voice raised as she spat in disgust "how dare you, you…."

"Go on then!" she cut across him her voice cold and steady "hit me!"

Now he was fuming "Kathryn" he hissed but when she was the tears mount in her eyes and the anger rise he bared his teeth at her "grrr" he spat turning then he suddenly appeared to become distracted as he began to look around "what's that?" he demanded staring up at noting in the ceiling.

Kathryn didn't hide the confusion on her face as she followed his eye line and looked up asking "what's what?"

Looking back at her he demanded "don't you smell that?"

Kathryn's eyes widened and she shouted out in horror "Oh no!" pushing past him she continued shouting "no no no!" as she ran to the wooden door on the other side of the room.

Suddenly becoming concerned for her he followed asking "Kathryn?" concern lacing his voice.

"Oh please no!" she called shouted hurrying towards the door that leads into his kitchen. As she flung open the door they were greeted by a mass of black smoke filling both their noses and causing them both to cough as she tried to waft it aside with her hand and gasped "spirits" Chakotay froze as he stared at her, she had never to his knowledge used that as a sign of explanation, that was something she had learnt from him and his people. For some reason it made his heart swell with pride and love as she did.

As Kathryn coughed moving further into the room Chakotay turned his attention back to the matter at hand and moved to fling open a window as well as she back door and waited for the smoke to dissipate. As it did he saw Kathryn lifting a blacked baking tray from his old iron oven "what the?..." he gasped but his voice trailed off as he saw how horrified she looked as she stared at the burning tray in her hands which she had wrapped in a towel "what exactly is _that_" he asked as she set it down on his table, horror still evident on her face.

"Dinner" she moaned as she ran her hands over her face, not meeting his eyes. Her eyes were filling with tears, something he didn't miss.

"Dinner?" he repeated astounded that she had made him dinner, or at least tried too.

Poking the offending blackened object in the baking tray with a fork she muttered "nut roast"

"Nut roast?" his dimples came out in full force as he looked at her sad face to the tray on the table as he joked casually "it's black"

"I noticed" she scoffed throwing the fork down and turning she added angrily "ruined"

"Kathryn?" Chakotay asked softly his hear swelling with pride as he began to realise what she was doing. As he moved closer to her he rested his hand softly on her shoulder and tried to get her to turn to him.

As she slowly turned to him he saw the tears streaming down her face, he felt so sad as he slowly reached up and used his thumb to softly wipe the tears from her eyes, as she looked up into his eyes she said sadly "Well there is not much point to that now"

"Kathryn!" she said with his dimples flashing, causing her to stop and look at him wide eyes.

"What?" she questioned, stunned he had interrupted her sad musings about the ruined dinner.

When he was sure he had her full attention Chakotay began slowly "Are you trying to tell me you went to see my girlfriend, got the keys to my house and let yourself in so you could" he stopped to move from her "errrm" he began to prod the nut roast with the fork "_cook _me dinner?" his nose was winkled up and he looked disgusted to call it food but the question was genuine.

"I suppose now that you put it like that…" Kathryn began slowly as she watched him but then began to laugh and wipe the tears from her eyes.

"What's so funny?" Chakotay demanded unsure what could possibly be so funny about it.

"The look on your face when you said the word cook" she laughed.

Chakotay too smiled but it wasn't long before his face fell and he asked almost horrified "you don't actually expect me to eat this do you?"

"No" she sighed hanging her head.

"Hay" Chakotay whispered realised the effort she had put in. Moving to her he drew her into a tight hug and was surprised when she seemed to naturally move into it and fall into it "I'm sure it would have been nice" he assured her stoking her back softly.

"Sure" she groaned holding her tighter.

It was then she sensed his grip tighten, "Kathryn" he almost gasped "spirits" pulling from her and moving behind her, having noticed what was behind her for the first time.

As Kathryn saw where he was looking she because almost self-conscious "sorry" she blurted out hoping he wasn't angry "I didn't mean to…." But her voice trailed off as she tried again "I thought…" but that didn't seem to be what she wanted to say, sighing heavily she started again "well I hoped maybe…" shaking her head she muttered "oh forget it!" looking at I'm just stood there staring at her saying nothing she hissed "your angry" how could she have been so stupid to think he would like it.

Looking around his sitting area at the beautifully decorated table, peach roses in the centre lit only by the candle light, to mood every but of beauty because of the effort and money she had put into the equiseta decorating of the dining and seating area. Seeing she had taken is stunned silence as anger he grabbed her hand and made her look at him as he insisted "no, I think it's lovely" When she looked unsure he continued "and a lovely idea you cooking" His sad face began to crack a smile as he added "just let me know next time"

"And don't burn the food?" she joked.

"I suppose it helps if you don't" he laughed and then added "there are only so many times I can save you from a smoke filled kitchen you know Kathryn" to which they both laughed, knowing it wasn't the first time he had done that.


	34. Chapter 34

**Betrayal and Turkey**

**Chapter 34**

**By Hopping Hamster.**

With a smile he grabbed her hand and guided her towards the table saying in a deep soft voice "come on" Kathryn just stared at him in surprise, she didn't quite know how to react to that and so she followed him but wasn't sure why he was leading her there.

"What?" she asked cautiously as she followed him the elegantly decorated table laid for two, the candles still lit.

Looking into Kathryn's obviously confused face Chakotay gave her hand a slight squeeze to reassure her before her let go and flashed his dimples at her saying softly "I have a replicator" with that he turned and moved towards the far side of the room.

Kathryn spun round to follow him with her eye line, she was confused, and she had not seen a replicator when she had looked cautiously and respectfully around his home an hour ago. As he reached the wall he has facing a large and very beautiful wall hanging tapestry which Kathryn had admired as it reminded her very much of him. As he reached out he drew it aside to reveal behind it a working replicator "Oh" she sighed closing her eyes as she sank into one of the chairs feeling annoyed and embarrassed with herself as she just realised it was unlikely that he every actually used the old fashioned iron stove in his kitchen which she had slaved over to try and get it to give her a good nut roast.

With a twinkle in his eye and amusement written across his face Chakotay turned back to the replicator and asked calmly over his shoulder "So nut roast?"

"Yea" Kathryn smiled in return.

Chakotay turned to her, a twinkle in his own eyes as he asked softly "Are you sure you don't want roast beef?"

Kathryn was taken aback as confused by his question, she had chosen nut roast because he was a vegetarian, something very special and important to him and his spiritual beliefs "but…." She began as she looked cautiously from him to the now discarded and chard nut roast across the room on the shelf by the kitchen.

Smiling he felt touched by her concern for his traditions, she always had softly he cut her off "I'll have a nut roast but I know you Kathryn" when she looked at him with her raised eyebrow he confirmed "I know how much you love your roast beef"

With a soft smile of her own she asked cautiously "how about Turkey?"

"Turkey?" Chakotay asked in reply, his own eyebrows rising slightly.

With a shrug she turned away slightly and told him "I didn't have any at Christmas this year"

Now it was Chakotay turn to be surprised. The idea of Kathryn not having turkey at Christmas worried him a little as well as surprised him, Kathryn always celebrated Christmas and she always had turkey, even when things were really bad. The first Christmas he had shared with her was on new earth, Christmas Turkey and Kathryn Janeway were a combo item. "You didn't?" he gasped expecting her to say it was a joke. When she only looked at him sorrowfully he smiled slightly and announced "Turkey it is" before turning back to his replicator.

While Chakotay was at the replicator Kathryn spotted across the room a photograph frame showing a photograph of Chakotay and B'Elanna at her wedding party. Standing Kathryn lowly walked across the room to admire the picture. She had watched Chakotay that day, looking so smart in his dress uniform. She had been so proud of him that day and he was so clearly proud of B'Elanna. Kathryn had to smile and the simple beauty of the photo, dazzled by his shinning dark eyes in the picture she had to jump when Chakotay's voice broke into her thoughts. "you can sit down you know" Kathryn spun round to face him, he was sat at the table, a dinner of nut roast before him, a dinner of turnkey waiting for her to join him, he was smiling broadly as he watched her. "I don't bite" Kathryn gave a small smile at his joke and walked towards the table "This is nice" he said softly as she sank back into the chair facing him "thank you"

Kathryn picked up her fork and began stabbing her turkey with it before she muttered deflated "I didn't cook it"

Chakotay smiled at her before looking down at his own food and telling her "I was thinking more about how you decorated my dining room" when he had finished speaking he looked up and met her eyes, she was watching him.

With her own crooked smile she told him in her deep husky voice "it reminded me of the dinners we used to share on Voyager" she was serious but as soon as she had said it she found herself worried about what Chakotay would think of her bringing it up after all this time, after all that had happened between them.

Chakotay found himself smiling a real smile as he looked at her and told her "I miss those"

Kathryn's eyes were dazzling as she told him softly "me too"

Chakotay didn't reply to her straight away, he enjoyed just sitting a being in her company. Both their meals were nearly gone before to tanned skinned Native American looked up at her and really looked into her face though she wasn't looking at him. She was still as beautiful as the day he first saw her, she was older, much older even than the last time he saw her, like she had carried too much strain and stress and nobody noticed. His smooth pale skin wasn't so smooth any more but seemed even paler. Her lips were tighter together, a smile seemed rarer than he had remembered even in her most protocol ridden days. There were small scars along her neck line and into her shoulders; she was a very different Kathryn Janeway than the one he had walked Voyager with. Nor was she the same woman so outwardly broken that he had met a year ago. Slowly she looked up to meet her greying eyes meet his, her eyes held more pain than he had ever seen in her but there was more than just pain there, something dark, something he had never seen before, perhaps sorrow and regret. Softly he asked her "do you miss Voyager?"

Kathryn seemed to think for a minute and then turned back to her food to finish off as she admitted "No" then with a slight tilt of her head she added "I miss the family though" then looking up into his eyes she concluded seriously "I miss my friends, I miss the closeness you and I shared"

Chakotay's heart sored at her using the word close to describe their friendship, he had never really been too sure how she defined their friendship. His heart beam faster as he asked her "were we close?"

Finally finishing her food Kathryn placed her knife and fork on the plate and leaned back in her chair as she picked up her glass of wine saying "I like to think we were" before taking a sip.

"I used to think we were" Chakotay added softly refusing to look at her.

With a heavy sigh Kathryn too hung her head and ask seriously "What changed?"

"We got home" Chakotay replied to her straight away, he sounded cold but he wasn't saying it to be difficult or harsh, he was just simply saying what they both knew to be true.

Looking up at him Kathryn nodded and told him in a very deep voice "You once told me not to waste away the present for a future that my never come" her eyes were a distant grey colour as she tried to keep a check on all the painful emotions she really wanted to express.

Chakotay didn't want to press her put took a deep breath and asked calmly "yes?"

Small tears rolled down her face as she told him softly "that's exactly what I did" Chakotay didn't fail to notice the slight trembling of her body as she tried to hold back her tears.

Chakotay wasn't angry or bitter with her, all he felt was love and he wanted her to know that, he longed to hold her freely in his arms "It didn't have to be that way" he said, he wasn't going to insult her by telling her a lie to make her feel better, what their relationship needed now was honesty, good open honesty and they both knew it.

Nodding with her crooked smile she admitted softly "no I suppose now I see it didn't"

Chakotay reached across the table and took her hand clenched on the table in his and gently stroked her knuckles asking "What do you want Kathryn Janeway?" he didn't break eye contact as he did.

Tilting her head she wiped away her tear with her free hand still allowing him to hold the other and asked "You mean why I am here?"

"No" he sighed hanging his head then raising it again he looked her in the eye and said "I mean what do you want" when she still met his eyes with a confused expression he pressed softly "really want for your life?"

Trying hard to hide her tears Kathryn smiled slightly as she turned from him and pointed out "these are awfully deep questions to ask a lady over dinner"

With a slight chuckle he gave her hand a soft squeeze before letting go and standing. As she did Kathryn spun quickly round to look at him and stared wide eyed. Taking her plate and his he asked lovingly "Coffee?"

She relaxed as she nodded saying "Please"

As he reached the replicator and recycled the placed he asked "I take it you still drink it black" Kathryn was watching him and was amazed at how good this felt, how right and how she never wanted it to end.

"Of course" she almost laughed as he shook his head at her and ordered the bitter drink he would forever associate with her.

As he placed the drink on the tale he sat back down opposite her with her own drink and admitted "it's good to see you looking so well"

Clasping the mug in both her hands she watched him closely before taking a sip and admitting "I'm not as well as I might look"

Concern was evident on Chakotay's face and he didn't even try to hide it as he asked "is everything Ok Kathryn?"

Taking a deep breath Kathryn found herself shaking her head and saying sadly "I chose the surgery"

"You look wonderful" Chakotay insisted not taking his eyes from her beautiful face, how could she think this was bad?

Kathryn wanted to tell him everything but she didn't how, she couldn't find the words "it hasn't been easy" she told him softly turning away from his intense stare.

"No I am sure it hasn't" Chakotay told her sadly "I wish I could have been there for you"

Her eyes were bright and determined as she stared at him shaking her head she met his eyes and leaned in to rest her delicate palm on his chest as she told him "I needed to do this alone"

"Is that why you threw me out on Christmas morning?" he asked as his breathing quickened at her touch as he added "again"

Standing from her chair she moved to him and knelt before where he sat in his chair, softly and lovingly she looked up at him and cupped his face in her hands says "I didn't mean to be so harsh" tears filled her eyes as she looked deeply into his eyes and began to stroke her face "those things I said, I had no right"

"they were harsh words" he admitted leaning in and wiping the tears from her eyes "but I think you had a right"

"I'm so sorry Chakotay" she whispered, her body almost trembling as her tears fell, her hand still resting on his face, she didn't want to let him go ever again.

"Why did you come to Trebus?" he asked gently taking her hand from his face and clasping it tightly in his.

"When I told you to leave my house last year I promised you one thing, that I would come and stand tall before you on Trebus" she sounded so broken and so small where she knelt at his feet.

Looking down at her he leaned his face in closer to hers and whispered "and serve me a very over cooked dinner?"

Kathryn was stunned at the sudden change in his words then she laughed and asked "When have me and food ever gotten along?"

He found himself chuckling as he told her"I missed you Kathryn Janeway"

"I've missed you too Chakotay" he looked shocked at her almost quiet revelation. Wrapping her hand quickly around his neck and tangling her fingers in his hair she instead "really I have" Chakotay didn't have time to reply, his lips were met with her hungry lips, her face still wet with tears. Letting go of her other hand he used his arms to pull her to him in a primitive kiss, there was no tenderness about this urgent hunger they had both unleashed. Both her hands were now snaked around his neck almost dragging him to his knees to meet her. Her tongue forcing its way into his eagerly parting lips, his tongue fighting for entrance, there was a battle of will as Chakotay grabbed at the delicate straps of her dress, almost wrapping it from her paled shoulders white her hands were making light work of his shirt. There kiss growing in intensity and demanding by the second, neither wanting to pull away. Kathryn wouldn't push him away again and Chakotay felt he would be damned if he let her walk away back to Earth in the morning without letting her feel his love for her.


	35. Chapter 35

**My deepest and sincerest apologies to all my reader. I hate unfinished stories and I hate writers who leave you hanging for weeks, even months, I never wanted to be that way but events in my life in recent weeks and months have lead me to have to drop something's to allow more time to myself and my resting, writing fan fiction I am afraid got once again put on the backburner, and sadly this time for far longer than I had intended and I found it hard once left to pick up again. Please do accept my deepest apologies that I haven't updated this story in over two months… Please enjoy the next instalment…. Thank you for you kind understanding.**

**Betrayal and Turkey**

**By Hopping Hamster**

**Chapter 35.**

Chakotay felt himself staring; he was just waking up, the dawn of the new day creeping through his window. It was barley morning and yet something woke him. His neck felt cramped as he stretched across his bed only realise he had spent the night curled up on his tiny sofa, his mother's prayer blanket over him. As he slowly ran his hand over his hair he tried desperately to remember the night before. He was getting too old for this, he was just deciding when he sighed remembering why he was spending the night on his sofa, his beautiful Kathryn was curled up fast asleep in his bed, where she belonged, only he wasn't with her. _Maybe one day old man _he told himself as he smiled at the memory of the night before. Her sensual kisses, her desire to talk with him, he effort in making him dinner. He was just remembering the look of pure desire her blue eyes had spent the evening flashing at him when the sound of somebody retching and being sick filled his ears. Sitting bolt upright on the sofa he gasped "Kathryn!" but she didn't respond, the sound of somebody being sick continued to come from his bathroom "what the?..." he gasped forcing his stiff cramped body to stand and almost hurry towards his bathroom as he called out "Kathryn"

"I'm ok" Kathryn's voice called through the door between coughs and spluttering distinctly followed by heavy breathing.

Chakotay slowly pushed open the door to see her knelt with her head almost into his toilet basin and her hair matted and coated in perspiration "no you're not" he informed her simply as he knelt beside her trying to wipe away the stray strands of hair that were stuck to her face "It's the middle of the night and your throwing up into my toilet" he informed her softly in his usual calm, gentle and supportive tone.

She snorted at him in embarrassment and tried to turn her face away from his as she scoffed sarcastically "So romantic"

"Kathryn" he whispered as she gently ran his large copper hand along her back in support "let me help"

As he reached up to cup her pale face in his gentle copper brown hand she smacked his hand away as she shoot her eyes tight letting the tears roll down her face "Just please go away" she almost gasped at him in shame and horror as she tried to turn from him without another wave of nausea coming over her.

Looking down at the broken trembling form and he calmly leaned back a little and shook his head saying lovingly and calmly "no"

Kathryn's sapphire eyes shot open and her head snapped to face him, he breathing raw, her face flushed and tear stained her eyes sparkling with a look of terror as she gasped "chako-" but never got to finish his name as she once more reached violently into the toilet, vomit spilling from her, Chakotay didn't waist a second but be at her side holding her almost upright. He wouldn't let her go even as she pushed against him "please" she gasped a tearful beg escaping her lips.

In love and compassion Chakotay wrapped his arms around her drawing her closer to him and stroking her back he whispered "Come here" for the briefest of moments Kathryn allowed herself to fall into his embrace.

Then almost as though something snapped in her she pushed off him and tried to get away yelling loudly through her rugged breathing "Get off"

"No" was all he replied, as calmly and as lovingly as the first time he had said it.

"Please" she whimpered hiding her face in his shoulder as she half clung onto his shirt and half wanted him to let go of her because of the shame she felt.

Looking down at her trembling body he ran a soft hand through her hair and asked calmly without a hint of accusation in his voice as he asked "your ashamed?" his heart broke to know she couldn't even bring herself to look at him, he loved her, all of her, couldn't he see that now?

Slowly she let go of his shirt and fell back against the bathroom wall, her hair still covering her face as she shuddered and muttered "please leave me alone"

Grasping her shoulders in his large hands he forced her to look at him as he hissed "after all this time your ashamed" she let her eyes slide shut as he whispered lovingly "after last night" the memory of the intimate and loving kiss they shared filling both their minds.

"Please" she gasped desperately trying to stand and get away from him, how could she tell him? How would he ever love her?

Standing with her Chakotay kept a loving and constant hand around her still trembling body "come on Kathryn" he whispered letting his hand run softly up and down her back in gentle support "shush…" he whispered lovingly never taking his eyes off her face "It's ok" she still held her face down cast and away from him causing his heart to break as he insisted softly "I don't think badly of you for this" when she merely turned even further from him he told her lovingly "I'm concerned"

"It's ok" she muttered in a soft and broken voice, Chakotay could barely hear her and that alone told him that she was far from ok.

Tightening his embrace around her he asked softly "does this happen a lot?" at his question her head shot up and her eyes met his bright and wide in question. Kissing her forehead he told her lovingly with evident concern "this is the second time in just a few days I have seen you do this" realising his meaning her head sunk back down as another fresh wave of embarrassment overcame her.

"It's just part of it" she shrugged trying hard to sound like she didn't care when they both knew she was fighting back tears "I'll fully recover one day." Was all she could insist.

Chakotay sighed and said nothing as he loosened his embrace on her and let her pull away slightly. He didn't back off hoping she wouldn't see his backing off as some kind of rejection. As he watched her she began to rub at the tender muscles in the neck as she screwed up her face in an effort to disguise the obvious pain and discomfort she was in. Taking her hand in his he looked into her eyes and asked seriously "Is your neck hurting?"

Bending her head awkwardly from side to side she groaned as she admitted "it does that from time to time" as Chakotay reached out he ran his fingertips softly over the jaw line and along her neck forcing Kathryn to stop what she was doing and look up at him.

With a warm smile into her eyes he took her hand and stood from the crouching position he had held beside her next to his toilet and helped her to stand saying gently "Come here"

As he began to lead her by the hand from the bathroom she sighed and pulled back insisting "Chakotay I should go" she tried to pull her hand from his firm and yet gentle grip but he wouldn't let her go.

Stopping in his stride he turned to face her and told her simply "It's the middle of the night." When she made no effort to reply or come up with an excuse he flashed his warm dimpled smile at her and whispered "now come over here" with that he continued to walk once again to his sitting room area. As soon as he saw a look of confusion and hesitation in her face he reassured her by saying "I'll get you a glass of water and give you one of my famous massages"

Realizing where this was going Kathryn once again tried to pull back sighing saying in her husky voice "Chakotay…" but he wasn't letting her pull away. Moving to his replicator he ordered a cool glass of water and turned to hand it to her with a smile.

As Kathryn awkwardly took the glass from him and went to drink he gave her a reassuring smile and told her "drink it slowly and not all at once" before he guided her to sit beside him on the sofa and asked "what time is your transport in the morning?" as he asked he let his hand need their way in the tense muscles of her shoulders.

Slowly Kathryn lowered the glass of water from her lips and placed it on the table before her before whispering softly "Chakotay…." When he didn't stop what he was doing or respond in any way she insisted "really I am fine" with that she stood with her back still too him as she let her hand gentle massage into the now extremely tense muscles in her neck.

She hung her head as he sighed and stood behind her wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her back tighter to his chest before kissing the top of her auburn head and asking softly "Kathryn please, are you going to be well enough to travel back to earth?" a few sudden tears escaped her as she shuddered but still did not respond to his question, he too knew he was stood there allowing tears to fall freely down his face. Giving her abdomen a gentle reassuring stroke he whispered lovingly in her ear "Kathryn, I care"

Though he was unsure shy she was so tearful at his question he gave her the space needed to answer as he lovingly held her until she shuddered once again, let out a soft cry and told him "I'm not going back to earth" after saying that she couldn't bring herself to look at him as he stood behind her, still with his arms around her looking down at her lowered auburn head.

For Chakotay his world stopped for a second, his heart beating fast as he tried to take in what she just said before saying deeply in question "you're not?" trying hard to keep the shock and desperate longing out of his voice.

Kathryn slowly turned to face him as he loosened his grip and she raised her head and looked up into his deep loving eyes. She was shocked to see love and compassion there. With a slight crooked smile she whispered "not yet any way" she stared into his eyes waiting for him to respond, unsure what that response would be.

Chakotay was surprised and responded out of that surprise saying "but I thought…" then shaking his head at her he questioned "last night…." Again his voice trailed off, he couldn't bring himself to ask her, to say it aloud in case it ruined the moment. Looking deep into her eyes he stood still as he waited for her answer to the question he knew she would understand.

Looking deep into the love he held in his eyes she reached up and cupped his face with her hand saying "I have arranged to stay with Sekey longer" taking in a large intake of breath he held her gaze as she asked more seriously "are you saying you only kissed me because you thought it was a final goodbye" she was worried now what his response would be.

Looking down at her he let his eyes fill with moisture as he drew her into a hug and whispered "never" letting his hand run down her long hair he held her close to him and whispered "I could never say a final goodbye to you Kathryn Janeway" then when the silence filled the room long enough for her to realise he was crying he asked softly "when did you decide that?" then drawing her from him he held her by the shoulders and clarified "to stay I mean"

Looking up at him with her crooked smile she reached up to cup his face in her tiny delicate pale hand and told him in her rich deep voice "the other day" then with her thumb she wiped the falling tears from his cheeks she met his eyes and told him "I like it here, roughing it for a while"

With a snort at the memory of new earth he reached down and grabbed her withdrawing hand and asked "with or without a bath tub?"

With a smirk and a twinkle in her bright blue eyes she placed her hand softly on his chest and patted him saying "there is always room for improvement"

With his own grin he let his dimples flash as he smiled and said "of course"

As the smile fell from her face she let her hand on his chest tighten on his shirt as she asked seriously "are you with me?" the begging and longing evident in her sapphire eyes.

Cupping her face gently in his hands he leaned into her until his lips were centimetres from hers and he whispered "always" as she looked deeply into his eyes he once more softly and deeply claimed her lips as his own, his tongue demanding entrance.

As they parted she reached up and met his eyes as he fingertips ran softly along the deep lines of his tattoo, with a soft smile she sunk into his chest and told him "I missed you" then wrapping her arms tighter around him she sighed and admitted "and I hated being angry with you"

Wrapping his arms lovingly around her tiny frame he held her to him and kissed the top of her head and told her "I never liked being angry with you"

Tightening her grip around him and sinking into his chest she let her eyes slide shut as she asked with anticipation "can we leave that behind us?" then looking up with her eyes so bright she asked "can we make it work?"

Cupping her face and kissing her forehead before gently running the over hand up and down her back Chakotay reassured her "I wouldn't have it any other way" with a gentle smile Kathryn nodded as she met his eyes. It was just at that moment his hand found on her lower back something he did not know was there, a crude brace or medical equipment of some kind and his heart stopped a beat as he realised the pain and difficulties of her injuries six years ago were not at all over "how was it Kathryn?" he asked softly reassuring her with a dimpled smile "the surgery" as she tried to pull away from him he took her hand and insisted lovingly "tell me about these side effects" turning from him he took her chin in his hand and brought her face to look at him, her deep blue eyes full of tears as he asked "How often do you have these fits of nausea"

"Not often" she lied.

"But?" Chakotay pressed sensing there was more than she was letting on.

Patting his chest with her soft delicate hand she smiled and reminded him "you always did hate not knowing if I was ok"

"Do you blame me?" he spat back slightly hurt by her seemingly uncaring attitude.

Her head shot up to meet his eyes and she insisted firmly and stubbornly "I am ok"

"But?" Chakotay pressed again as he refused to let her struggling hand go from his grip.

With a heavy sight Kathryn turned her back on him and spat "I can walk, is that not enough?"

Chakotay knew she was hurt and bitter so he let her go before saying deeply "yes" then placing his soft hand on her shoulder and giving it a squeeze he said again just as deeply and steadily "yes you can"

"But…." She gave in slowly.

"I knew there was a but" Chakotay smiled trying to reassure her.

"it comes at a price Chakotay" she told him, tears rolling down her cheeks as she found herself unable to turn to look at the man she loved with all her heart.


End file.
